Hi Jason! Wanted to check on you 
How are you doing?
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Things have been going good!
I love the new job!
We got all the crab gear in. We have been working on getting it off the dock, and have been doing some work on them so the workload isn’t as big when its time to crab again.
I usually don’t crab through the summer like we did this year. It was easy money. We have two boats with 200 pot permits on each. We had 100 pots out on the bigger boat, and fifty on the small. running each boat once a week was good. The crab stayed consistent. We were able to make money on windy days while most boats had nothing to do.
Now that halibut and crab are finished, we have five boats with nearshore permits to fish. Its a lot of fish we can catch. Fun fishing too!
Phils kid quit so we have been two manning it. Its extra work for me, but I make a better percentage so I don’t mind.
Phil is easy to work with and we have been doing good. We caught the most halibut on our fleet. I get to film wide open. He treats me really good. Overall this job has turned out way better than I imagined. We have a crazy amount of boats and permits to fish!
Instead of being mad about Matt disappearing, I feel like thanking him.
The ball is rolling on all my other projects again too. My swimbaits are back in production. I’ve been making some awesome tackle!
Its nice to have the rent paid! Life is good!
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Seems like the money situation has straightened out, that’s a relief!
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I’m glad for you Jason. It makes me happy to see you happy and thriving.
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Fantastic update! Glad everything is working out for you.
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This is great news! I’m happy the season turned out so well for you Thanks for the update
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Congratulations @JasonFisher ! Thanks for everything and for being such an inspiration!
Four Years. November 17, 2023
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I keep thinking about updating the thread. Its time to quit talking and start doing. Things have been flowing pretty smooth since my last meltdown, almost a year ago. When my job fell out from under me.
Since then, things have been flowing pretty smooth. I work four boats, I love working with phil. We did good, I made pretty good money and It took all of my stress away. Things are still good with the job
Crabbing was belly up. we stacked out we stacked out a while ago and since then weather has been rough. I got paid and my bills are due and its not good. I have to pick between rent or storage. I’ve never been late on either. Its probably not that big of a deal and I’m stressing more than I need to. Its blowing for days again. I can probably get a draw and cover it.
Its crazy how fast things change. two years ago fishing looked lucrative and it was. We made good money, I bought a boat, quit working for my active alcoholic skipper and I have struggled financially ever since. This is where my self pity party likes to light up.
The could haves and the should haves.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions chimes in. I have paved many road with good intentions. Uphill, both ways, in the snow. You know the story. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.
We keep taking big hits in the fishing industry. Black cod prices are so low that its not even worth going for its a nice weather fishery. which we haven’t had enough of lately. Rent is going up. my dock fees are going up. food had doubled as I’m sure all of you already know. It stresses me out. It triggers impending doom thoughts which trigger fuck it, I might as well have a drink thoughts.
Fuck it thoughts trigger Captain Self Destruct thoughts. Captain Self destruct does not give a fuck. Hes all about fuck you, fuck me, fuck everything! Lets watch it all burn!
I’m to broke to go to Salt lake and see my kids. My relationship with them is pretty non-existent these days. You cant fix what was never really there. Captain Self destruct loves this one!
The girl that bought me drinks at the airport and ruined my trip to Hawaii contacted me last summer. Things were going really good .I guess she could smell the blood in the water, She was fishing, but I didn’t bite. I felt really good about not biting, even though I was tempted.
When I quit smoking, I quit social media, including interacting much here. I always stayed connected here. I deleted facebook, instagram, tiktok, and snapchat from my phone. I check facebook for fishing reports when I’m home on the PC and that’s all. I’m quiet on facebook because I don’t want all of my douchey old friends contacting me,
I used to interact all the time on facebook with her, so every time I log in, I see her posts first. as she was contacting me through text telling me I’m the man of her dreams, She was putting herself out there on facebook. It shut off the bite for me. I already knew she isn’t the one. It reminded me that I quit chasing toxic relationships when I quit drinking.
So she recently got a new boyfriend and I was surprised how hurt I felt. Its been a month or so, and I unfollowed her so I didn’t have see her posts. I couldn’t help but look. She posted some pretty mean shit about me that hurt my feelings.
So now I have Larry the lonely loser nagging at me.
Its crazy how fast it goes from every thing is fine. to lets watch it burn while we drown in a self pity party.
All I can do is keep doing the next right thing. Dont take that first drink its a trap. I dont chase toxic relationships anymore including alcohol.
One of my biggest breakthroughs in recovery last year was learning how to give myself permission to be happy. Some days its easier than others
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I know this guy! He lives in my head too. He really is just about the worst roommate I can imagine.
Fuck that guy. He lies. He wants you to think he knows whats happening but he is just the scared parts of our brains.
I’m sorry its tough out there right now. I don’t know the answer but I do know how it feels to want to ride that pain downhill.
I always love your posts. Happy to hear from you. Maybe a little more time connecting with us can help straighten out the brain chaos.
🪼
Happy you “caught” us up. 
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I have been more active here lately. It definitely helps!
Captain self destruct is late on his rent. He has to be evicted!
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That guy sucks! He drinks and smokes, he has no respect for others and he really just is the worst.
Get him out. By forcible means if necessary. I feel a comedic movie on the horizon for you. Steve Martin? Paul Rudd? Someone better than old Cap’n Suck Face.
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Solid work staying strong through all of this sir! Screw those toxic relationships, especially that one with the bottle.
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The bottle is fired!
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Yesiree Bob.
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I am always happy to see you check in, Jason.
Sorry, to hear you are going through a rough patch at the moment. I hate how all the intrusive thoughts rush in all at once whenever I need to take a moment to gather strength and readjust direction. It helps me to remind myself that trying to go down a road that hasn’t worked in the past, is not getting me to new places.
Hang in there. Give the Captains and Larrys a nod of recognition and then kick them in the ass. They are liars. Make use of ressources and people that calm your mind and heart.
We are always happy to see you here. 
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Thanks!
I’m feeling better today. Venting is good. Its good to read and see familiar faces. This place helped me save my ass on so many levels, It still does. Im grateful for that!
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Love this and totally get it. 
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Every year is different as a fisherman. Its been a long time since I’ve seen a year like this, where its hard to get out.
Its been a stormy year, ocean conditions are harsh. We watch the forecast, and look for days we can go. Weather forecasts are nice tools, but you cant trust them 100 percent. We have been able to get out every 7 to ten days the last couple of months. that’s 6-8 days that we have been able to go try and make money. we have had some decent days,and days where the bite is off and we don’t catch much. When the wind turns and comes from the south or the west, the bite shuts off on the bottom fish.
We have three boats with nearshore permits, which is good. Its plenty of moneys worth of fish we get to catch. Its a nice ocean conditions fishery. so its like having access to a golden tool box, but not being able to use it.
We could crab a lot of the weather we are having, but there are no crab.
Last year there was no salmon season, this year they gave us a salmon season, but I didn’t make enough money crabbing to fish my boat. I find that extremely frustrating. I have a slip at the dock I pay. Its time for that boat to make some money. My dock fees are going up. They are doubling it. A small increase is annoying, but tolerable. doubling is like WTF? I’m struggling now.! Your trying to bury me!
Food, fuel, dock fees, rent. everything has gone up significantly except my income. Its doing the oppositeThe bills don’t care what your going through. They keep coming.
I have a bunch of projects I have been working on that all need some money to finish. So having time off with no funds to finish them stresses me out.
I’ve been rolling with it pretty good but its wearing on me.
A couple of days ago, we went fishing. It was beautiful out there. Being able to get out and feel the ocean is sooo good for me. it felt good. we had a pretty good catch.
On the way in as we were passing through the gate which is one of my favorite places on earth. It was as beautiful as ever, and I like to stand out on the deck and enjoy it.
Dark thoughts entered. unusually dark. extremely dark, Tired of life thoughts. What’s the point of sobriety thoughts. Here I am again, sober, miserable, probably going to lose everything again thoughts. I craved whiskey shots. I haven’t had a craving like that for a while. The dark thoughts haven’t been around either. Most of the time I’m grateful to be alive, and I know I’m lucky to be here
So today, I’m going to get some food stamps. That will help. A couple of people owe me a little money. I’m going to hunt them down. Financial stress relief is huge for me.
I’m reminding myself this isn’t the first time I’ve been financially stressed. It probably wont be the last.
Blocking her was a good move. Not being able to see what she’s posting is nice. I took a long stroll down her and My facebook page. It reminded me of when and why I lost interest. Its a good way to end that story.
One of the biggest reasons I quit posting was that I was tired of her.
In recovery, I have done a lot of work on myself in regards to relationships. I quit chasing her because I didn’t like how it made me feel. I decided that a relationship is supposed to feel good. this one doesn’t. I need to make some changes.
When I spent the summer in SLC and had to spend time around my x-wife. I felt nothing for her. At one time I didn’t think I could live without her. I realized that it was my idea of what love is supposed to be like I was in love with. When it failed, It hurt! REALLY BAD! The idea and reality were never the same. It was all an illusion.
Its been good for me to be single in recovery. I don’t want to waste anymore time with the wrong person. I’m a little confused why it hurt when she found someone else. I get to feel all the feels today. I’ll figure it out.
There is no solution in having a pity party and watching it burn.
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This one is so simple, and profound, I still make it complicated sometimes.
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A couple of days ago was one of the most beautiful days on the water that I can remember. The bite was good too. I made some money. I don’t get paid for three weeks on it. That’s ok. Money in the bank
The day before yesterday, I went and got some help with food. AKA food stamps, There is food in the fridge. I was able to get a draw and was not late on rent or my storage unit. I’m a little behind on my dock fees. I’ve talked to them. We are good. I’m not going to stress to hard on that for now.
Halibut is coming up in a couple of weeks and if we get them it could fix all of my current financial worries. I’m going to focus on that. Focus on the solution, not the problem.
Yesterday we fished the same area. The wind was dropping from the south and conditions turned beautiful, but the bite was off. That south wind shuts them down. We grinded on it and caught a few fish. I made a little money.
Yesterday morning at 4AM as I was standing outside waiting for Phil and I thought of all the mornings I use to fish for free. When I was a contractor/carpenter I used to do this as often as I possibly could for free. Now I’m a professional fisherman. I felt grateful for that all day. I felt grateful to be alive all day.
The AA Promises
- If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. - We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
- We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
- We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
- No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others. - That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
- We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
- Self-seeking will slip away.
- Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
- Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
- We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
- We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves
Where I’m at…
1.The first promise came true.
2.Most of the time.
3. Yes, although I wish I could do some things over.
4. Most of the time. I still get worked up over things.
5. Yes
6. My inner alcoholic still loves to play the self pity card when it can. I never feel useless.
7.I have mostly lost interest in self destructive things. I’m still pretty selfish, and I prefer to keep my fellows at a distance.
8.Almost everything I do is self seeking. Recovery, work, hobbies and interests. This promise doesn’t make much sense to me
9 .I still get worked up over all the problems in the world that I have zero control over.
10. When money gets hard for me to make, it stresses me out. I’m getting older and my head loves to turn that into impending doom. I’m mostly not scared of people but there are plenty of scary people out there. I don’t spend time with them.
11 More that ever before, but I still have plenty of things that baffle the living shit out of me.
12. I don’t and never have felt this.
I’m tired today, Its a good, honest tired from fishing. Overall I’m feeling pretty good today. No cravings. No dark thoughts.
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