What was it that did it? You are stronger than it Jason; shake it off and look ahead.
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Ok. Im going to try and be kind to myself
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Yes, just as you would with any of us. We’re all a work in progress!
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Hey bro! You still are in a much better place than if you did that every night like in the past! Work through it and enjoy the rest of your time off.
Im beyond happy we connected on here mang. Youre still da guy.
Hang in there.
BTW we parted a crazy strong synthetic line landing at a terminal the other day. I realized it and found cover. Thing absolutely exploded.
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Hows it brothe
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Im in Hawaii with my girlfriend.
She knew i quit drinking but i dont think she understands the severity of me being an alcoholic. She isnt an alcoholic. She can have a drink and not go off the deep end like i do.
In Los Angeles she ordered us a drink while we were waiting for our flight. I reluctantly drank it. Once i did. The mental obsession started.
I ordered a drink on the flight. We got here and had a wonderful first day here. We were drinking. We drank a couple of pints of whiskey. We were having a good time and it seemed harmless.
We went to the marina and was looking at the boats and she noticed an angel fish and went down on the rocks to have a closer look.
She slipped and busted her knee open. I had to help her. It was very slippery, but i got her to safety.
I took her to the hospital. She got stitches. I was sneaking shots while we were there.
The next 24 hours is a blur. I woke up an hour ago.
We had a helicopter tour scheduled today. I remember going and we got in an arguement. I got out of the vehicle. I was being a dick.
Angry drunk mode…
I ended up getting back in and we came back to our hotel. I had bought another 5th of whiskey and was taking shots. We got in another arguement and i left. Thats when i must have posted here.
I passed out and now i get to try and salvage the rest of our trip. I fuct it up pretty good. She is not happy with me at all.
I guess i should have told her the severity of my condition and not drank. But its too late now.
That first drink unleashed the beast!
Im not happy with myself. I feel like shit. I want to drink but im not going to.
I deserve to feel like shit… im going to remember this feeling forever…
Back on the wagon! Day number one…
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All good that comes from staying sober goes away fast when i drink… i have a shit storm to try and fix. I dont know if it can be fixed.
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Can’t be fixed if youre drunk I think. I totally relate with this relapse and behavior though. Im the same way.
You know from experience it is never too late. Take a deep breath. How long ya’ll been together?
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Im sitting on the beach waiting for sunrise feeling sorry. Not for myself…
Just sorry…
I smoke ciggs. So does my girlfriend. Her knee is busted up pretty good. She cant walk. I feel guilty being out here.
She is mad at me. So its not exactly comfortable being in the room. But i deserve it.
I get very rebellious when i drink. Im cocky, and im abrasive. I dont even remember what set me off. Her suitcase is.packed and in the rental car.
I did this on our last vacation. Not as. Bad.
It was a big influence on me wanting to stop drinking. I’ve been a mean to her a few times. Only when I drink.
I pushed her away and broke up with her when i was drunk. I thought i would feel better without her. I broke my own heart as well as hers.
We started seeing eachother again.When i messed up drinking on our last vacation I felt horrible. Exactly like i do now.
Ive never told her I was going to AA or the nature of my drinking. I didnt tell her about my last drunk. I guess i didnt want to scare her away.
She is a high school sweetheart. She dumped me back then. We reconnected 4 years ago. I helped some friends build a marijuana dispensary and i ended up growing on their farm. She came and helped me.
I quit drinking when she came. I knew i was a wreckless drunk and didnt want to scare her away. But i ended up drinking. She rarely drinks
She hurt her knee on this trip. She was drunk…
We talked before we came here. When i broke up with her i hurt her. She is being cautious. I Understand.
.
I only drank for 2 days and i have the shakes bad.
I should go and see if she needs help
I’ll check in lateer… not going to drink!
.
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Jason, you had a slip up. You are essentially in paradise. I know alcohol is all around there. You made a mistake. We ALL make mistakes, we have ALL had slip up’s. Dust yourself off, be kind to yourself and keep rolling. Yes, some people don’t understand the severity of being an alcoholic… my wife doesn’t understand. She tries but she’ll never fully grasp it as she’s not an alcoholic. It’s not her war. It’s mine. Just as it’s not your bf’s it’s yours. All they can do is try and help and be there for us the best they can. Your efforts have been amazing. You know you can do this! One day at a time brother, I believe in you and we ALL have your back!
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Things are going better. I feel like i can salvage the rest of the trip. We had a good morning.
I got my ass chewed. I deserve it!
There is nothing worse than hearing what you did in a black out. Once again. I made a gigantic ass out of myself!
Hopefully i never have to do it again.
I feel toxic. Its hot and humid. I feel like im sweating poison. I have a horrible case of the shakes.
Not worth it!
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Did you explain the extent of the struggle you’re dealing with?
I was thinking if she knew she’d know it’s not how you want to be.
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Get in a sweat! Heard there are some great hikes out there. How is it out there?
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thats a really great idea! go on a hike!
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Its been a really good day. We talked about my sobriety. I was more honest about the extent of my drinking than i ever have been.
She feels bad about being the person who put the drink in front of me.
She didnt know. I drank it knowing the truth. Once again alcohol proves that i cant control it.
The first day was alot of fun. Like always the beginning starts out fun. If i wasnt alcoholic it would have been fun. She stopped drinking. I didn’t.
Her knee is hurt so we drove around the island. Its really beautiful here.
I screwed up our helicopter flight because i was being a drunk asshole.
I dont remember most of it. It was bad. I dont think she is going to dump me.
Im glad. I can’t do this again. Im verbally abusive. I called her names. So not like that sober. I dont even know how i let this happen.
Yes i do. I took that first drink.
I still feel like shit. Hungover but getting better.
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Stay the course Jason! Your slip can be just that, now you know and you can stay sober in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Enjoy the hangover free sunrises. Not sure where you’re staying but Kauai back country adventures does the tubing down the old sugar cane plantation irrigation lines, it’s adventurous but you float in a tube down the entire time so would be fun for your girlfriend too!
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Hows things?
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Hey man, hit a meeting. I’ve heard amazing things about the meetings in Hawaii! It will also show your girlfriend how serious you are
Maybe take her with you. This not only shows your determination, but is an extra layer of accountability. If she sees how truly deep this runs she can be a huge support. In the end, do it for yourself. Wouldn’t it be amazing to tell stories of meetings in Hawaii to a group of drunks back home? You’d be the king!
I know you want this Jason. Get after it!
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Things are much better today.
We had a great day yesterday. She is with me this morning. We are set up to watch the sunrise together.
I have 24 hours plus alcohol free under my belt and feel alot better. Not 100% well yet. Im not complaining. I deserve it. I felt horrible yesterday but stayed productive.
We had many heart to heart discussions about my drinking. I explained the alergy concept. It made sense to her.
I like the idea of finding a meeting together. Ill poke around and see what i can find
Its a much better day!
Thanks for the support fam! We got this!
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This made me smile Jason! You’re worth it and I’m sure she knows it. Have fun today!
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