Thats great man. Good job on the soda. In retrospect do you regret not having drank? I bet you feel great instead.
Glad youre having a good time. Although I am slightly jealous! Being stuck on a 50 year old tug in NY just doesnt compare.
Enjoyong your posts. Thanks.
Glad you are enjoying your trip Jason! Take it all in and enjoy. Sober memories are something alcohol cannot steal! Keep up the good work.
Im glad i didnt drink.
My girlfriend was happy i didnt drink.
I regret drinking that first drink in the airport on the way here.
I feel much better today on the beginning of day four.
A guy could get used to the warm water here. The deckhands have an easy fun job on that boat! Only problem is they serve the alcohol and it would be hard to remember the harm drinking causes when you watch everyone enjoy it every day.
Haha yeah im pretty set on commercial vessels.dropped my phone onthe capstan. Hard to type!
5 days sober since my last relapse. Today begins day #6.
My last day in Kauai.
Day before yesterday my girlfriend gave her blessing about me having a couple of beers.
Although the offer was very tempting. My inner alcoholic has been working that angle hard. I have declined.
It just goes to show how little people understand alcoholism.
She has been drinking a little everyday. Her knees is messed up. It helps numb it enough to get out of the hotel room. I have been driving.
Her intentions are good. Apparently my past behavior wasnt as bad as i thought, according to her. She doesnt see the harm of a couple of beers. But I’ve already tried that hundreds of times…
Usually when i slip it takes a while for my behavior causes me enough pain to try and quit. Weeks, months, years…
This time it took 48 hours… i guess thats good.
I still feel the effects of withdrawels from my last binge. I feel much better but not as good as i felt with 6 months of no alcohol in my system.
Alcohol ruined this trip. My drinking almost destroyed it. Her drinking caused the accident that injured her. I havent said that to her. But the fact remains that we were drunk when it happened.
Even though she has forgiven me which im happy about. Her injury has made it hard for both of us to really see this island. We have made the best of it.
The best thing this vacation gave me is inspiration! Inspiration to stay sober. Inspiration to persue being an artist.
I was art inspired before i got here. Im more inspired now.
I have alot of thinking to do when i get home. I have to figure out how to live a lifestyle that keeps me sober.
I came into this trip feeling grounded in sobriety, yet i slipped. I cant do it anymore. My luck will run out.
Her keeping on offering makes me nervous for you man. Normies will never understand and that’s just fine. But what they do have to understand is that we are an alcoholic. There will never ever ever be a time when we can just have a drink or two. No matter the occasion. Our significant others HAVE to understand this. Cuz if they keep offering, well who knows, right?
I hope you can convey that to your girl man. Cuz you know the saying, “you hang out in the barber shop long enough and your bound to eventually get a haircut”
Valid concern. We dont live together in fact we live a long ways from eachother.
A couple more days and I’ll be home.
Gabe hit the nail on the head brother! Keep on keeping on. No good news comes from booze!
I week sober since my last relapse.
I want it to be my last one ever!
Im at the SLC airport flying home today. I made it out of Hawaii sober. Relapsed on the way in, and dodged all the alcohol bullets the rest of the way. There were alot of them!
I payed for the trip with money saved from not drinking.
My slip cost me missing the helicopter tour. 800 dollars.
I had to cancel the fishing trip. That was cancelled because of my girlfriends knee. I’m blaming alcohol for that even though it could have happened without the alcohol. She slipped on a rock. Accidents like that happen sober. Shit happens. We were drunk so I’m blaming alcohol. Fishing trip cost 600.
Both were short notice cancellations so I didnt get my money back. Im not complaining. We are both alive and thats all that matters. Her knee is recovering nicely too!
1400 in trip costs and 300 bucks on booze. On a 48 hour relapse.
It could be alot worse, but it still sucks.
We salvaged the rest of the trip the best we could. We had fun, but starting out drinking limited the trips potential.
I went into the trip wanting to relax and figure out which direction i want to take my life. I got that out of this trip. So it was a good trip after all!
Kauai is magical! I want to go back. Id like to spend a couple of months a year there.
Im trying to forgive myself for taking that first drink. Im almost there. Time heals things.
My flights about to take off. Airplane mode…
Catch ya later.
I appreciate this place and all of the support I get here. You all helped me not drink the rest of my trip. It was nice to have a place to go 24/7
You have a healthy list of positives that not drinking so far has brought to you. Keep up this great work. Our true friends will, and mine have, understand as I disclose my sobriety to them that it’s not that I’m not up for a party and socializing, but early in my recovery, it’s best for me to bow out of parties and get togethers or in the alternative, to arrive early, greet the host, and leave before things get a little “crazy”.
The beer aisle? I’m with ya on that, brother. It was like muscle memory to go directly to the wine and liquor aisle after becoming sober and then I’m thinking, “what am I doing here?” - it was so automatic. Teach yourself to make a conscious decision as you’re walking in that you’ll walk anywhere but there. The ice cram aisle is a very nice alternative.
Keep the faith. and look forward to Hawaii! And being sober in Hawaii!
I was married to a fisherman who overdosed 9 months ago just keep doing what u r doing ask ur so to give u rub downs to help with pain run u a hot bath with soothing bath salts n it I promise it will help
Gotta stop man. Whatever it takes. You know its no good.
Keep up the good work brother! We are all here rooting for you! Vacations are nice (especially to paradise) but now it’s back to reality. Stay focused and keep that fire. You CAN do this!!
11.24 days since my final relapse.
Im training my thinking. If I say my last relapse, it feels like im leaving it open to do it again. I have relapsed so many times the last decade. I want this to be my final relapse.
Life is a mind game. We are what we think. Add alcoholism to the mix and its a mind fu*k!
Ive been home for a couple of days. Ive been resting, eating healthy, and painting. Ive been thinking alot.
My inner alcoholic mind fu*ks everything. I should go to a meeting, theres one at noon, I havent been to one in a couple of weeks. My inner alcoholic replies." I dont want to pick up a newcomers chip. I dont want to announce that im in my first 30 days of sobriety when they ask. Im tired of being that guy."
I should just go. And i will!
I have to constantly challenge my thinking. My inner alcoholic is relentless.
When i was on vacation, near the end because there was so much alcohol everywhere I looked forward to getting home where it was “safe”.
Its not safe here. My drinking town with a fishing problem is exactly the same as when I left. I ran into the guy I bought meth from last feb/march in the grocery store the first day I got home.
I have to get back to work which means spending time around sailors/drinking buddies.
There is no place safe from alcohol. The only place I feel safe is at home, away from people, painting but i have to venture out. I have to keep my guard up, and constantly challenge my thinking!
I planned on tackling some of my biggest problems that interfere with my serenity after my vacation. I cant numb the pain anymore so I have to face them. Im sticking with that plan.
Its time to quit talking and start doing. I have to do it sober. It wont work any other way. I’ve tried!
Im not gonna let my very last relapse slow me down!
Its a beautiful day! Time to wash the paint off and get ready for the AA meeting.
22.75 days since my final relapse.
Since i have been home, I have been hiding out painting. Its been good. I feel safe. No alcohol here.
I have been procrastinating getting back to work. I have been allowing myself quality time to learn to paint. I know that when i start working my time will be limited.
Since i slipped, i dont want to be around alcohol or people drinking. So I’ve been a recluse. I browse the forum every few hours. I listen to recovery based stuff on YouTube and research subjects that im inspired to paint.
I think alot while I paint. I reflect on the past. Mostly about sobriety before i made that awful decision to try and drink like a gentleman again.
It was good. I regret taking it for granted. When i started drinking again, my mind made sobriety into a curse that I never wanted to put myself through again.
But here I am… i want it!
I’ve been dreading the holidays. I always do. Ive been doing pretty good at just pretending its another day until its here and now that its here, I’m feeling all those feelings that I’d rather not feel.
That hollow void I feel is missing my kids. There is no short term fix for that.
Friday, its back to work. Im dreading that because fishing has so many drinkers, and I have to navigate through it.
Every profession im good at has an abundance of drinkers.
In order to see my kids, i have created some opportunities to fix it. Im a highly skilled carpenter and slc has alot of work. So i have work and can stay there while I jump through whatever hoops I have to jump through to establish my relationship with my kids again.
I find this both exciting and terrifying!
What if they reject me? What if this what if that? Bleh… im trying to hang onto what if its magical and you no longer have to suffer because you miss them so much?
Maybe next holiday season will be good because they will be able to share it with me…
My slip rattled my self confidence. Maybe thats a good thing. Humble is good.
Hey Jason, good to see you! I was just wondering about you last night before I went to bed. It sounds like you are doing great things for self care. Have you looked on YouTube for painting videos? When I was in my last art phase I found some really cool stuff on there, from how to’s and time lapse videos with music. And everything in between! This is a big thing on YouTube!
You know you can survive work, you have done it before and you will do it again. This time you have the strength of knowing you have already had your final relapse. What else can stop you? Nothing!
Did you end up going to that meeting?
Happy Sweatpants Day!
I have watched alot of YouTube videos on painting. Its been extremely helpful!
I like that!
I havent been to a meeting. I bailed out last minute. I let not wanting to pick up another newcomers chip and announcing myself as someone in their first 30 days of sobriety stop me.
Theres a guy who has 40 years sobriety who threatened to slap some sense into a newcomer last time I picked up a newcomers chip. He was talking about me. I’ve had issues with this guy in the past. He doesnt know how close he came to having the shit slapped out of him by a newcomer. Lol.
Another week and i wont have to humiliate myself at every meeting.
I like alot of things about AA. One of the things that killed the magic for me in the past was getting to know some of the people who had been sober for a long time and realizing how full of shit they are. Not all, but alot of em.
Im doing pretty good. 35 days since i slipped. Feeling pretty good! Thanks for checking!
@JasonFisher keep up the good work Bud! I’m glad you’re painting. Watch all the YouTube and things you need too they will help you stay on the bright. If you have to be a recluse, so be it. It’s about doing whatever it takes at all costs to stay sober. I think your kids will see the effort you’re making and come around. Put them first and I believe you’ll be able to mend those relationships. I wish you continued luck on your journey.