Just woke up from a great sleep, and knowing I did not let myself down by talking to half the planeā¦ and no hangover!
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It does make sense, and that attitude is a positive start!
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Starting meetings sounds like a positive step. I am glad you woke up refreshed and not regretful.
I am currently reading Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen and some of your posts bring to mind a lot of what she has covered so far. Especially the grieving process. You may want to check out that book as well. I find gems and helpful bits in most all the sobriety / recovery / quit lit I read.
Finding purpose and asking āwhat now?ā as the months and years add up in sobriety can definitely be a thing. Glad you continue to reach out and share. 
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Iām holding you accountable for making a change in your sobriety. What have you done since the flight? What are you going to do today?
Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are the principles I was taught in AA. I found that taking action, guided by those principles, got me out of my head. The same applies in other areas - often when Iām feeling tired, Iāll take a walk or do other physical activity like stacking wood, and I am refreshed and awake after that!
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Sorry about delay in response, I am just getting my phone service sorted on trip. Thank you for holding me responsible. A few months ago when I know I was thinking about drinking again, I had the sense to go back into my tool box and see what could be added. I upped my workout schedule, I worked every hour God sent, and as a result, I left myself secluded, exhausted and lonely. What has clicked with me is that I was only running and not trying to figure out how can I live a happy, new normal life as a non drinker. What I know for sure now is that I need a program. I need to accept the things I cannot change, and I need support to do this. 4 years of trying to do this on my own is no longer working.
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Thank you everyone for your messages, advice and support. I read, I am listening and I am going to continue to reach out for the help. I will update you all when I get back from my 2 week trip and in the comfort of my own home. I know, I personally need to join a program. I surrender to the fact that I can no longer do this on my own.
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There are plenty of programs available. Maybe even a short outpatient rehab? This thread lists all sorts of different ones. Iāll be happy to answer any questions you have!
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Iām feeling so proud of you right now, in the sober world thatās a power move right there! You passed a huge test! Well done
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Hey bud, are you back home now? How did the rest of your trip go for your sobriety? What kind of programs have you checked out in your home area?
Our disorder is one that centers in the mind - we have a problem with thinking and perception. That is expressed by the drinking behavior. My experience is that my thinking was disordered long before I picked up a drink after whatever length of sobriety - hours or days or weeks. The thoughts just got stronger the minute I stopped drinking. One of the most detrimental that I had is that after some time away from the problem, I had the attitude that I did not need help, that the problem was now manageable or even non-existent.
That sort of thing would stop me from following through on the kind of commitment you made two weeks ago, to find help when you got home. So Iām nudging you based on my experience with me, not with you. Your time away from the brush with disaster might have weakened the resolve you took in response to it.
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I have literally just landed back and still on runway! This return journey was so much easier and thoughts of drinking was not even as issue. I escaped by a thread, so I know I need to address this. Update to follow
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Stay strong and proud of your strength and determinationā¦ 
Always remind yourself of the good things that came out of your sobrietyā¦
Today I was so afraid of relapsingā¦ But I am trying to get through the day by venting about it hereā¦
GREAT job sharing
This came to mind
wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies, that youāve been living in,
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.
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