I may be a monster! I think this is a very reliable site , and many trying to do the right thing. I also believe this is a smaller pond in the realms of social media for certain patrons to gain admiration in a small pond. I do agree that we should celebrate each and every sober day we complete, but I do see a pattern of the same people posting in said threads. I feel like this is just like any other media site but with much less competition. I also believe there is a lot of good advice from people and think that is amazing. I also think that certain people are just trying to feel important. Iām sure I will be kicked out of this group, but I also hope those who need to see this will. Itās not about how active we are in responding, itās about quality over quantity. If you view the most active members you will see a copy and paste response. We arenāt here to be important, we are here to help struggling individuals. If I help someone I donāt need praised for it thatās ridiculous , in my heart deep in my chest I know I made a difference. I donāt need a like or a response , I just know as you should as well. All I ask is that we reflect and ask ourselves why are we doing this ? Why? I donāt wonāt generic answers, for instance itās my calling , I like helping people thatās garbage half hearted answers, give me real reasons. Thatās all I want. I have been a part of many recovery groups , and still am this is the first group that a lot of posters are self centered and trying to gain a reputation. We are here because we struggled and are struggling we need help. Guess what? Itās not about you itās about a thing we all share in common , we are powerless against our addictions. So letās be honest . Letās not be narcissist about it . We all need help and copy and paste remarks are actually worthless because we are all unique. Take time to actually read, put yourself in the posters shoes, I hope that this message hits home. If not I well , but those who have been wondering the same things , Iām sure there are many others who feel the same . I wish you all best wishes , and continued success in sobriety.
It sounds like youāre feeling unheard, like what you need isnāt here. Is that right?
Worry less about what others are doing.
were powerless how other people decide to live too, which includes how they post on this forum 
Worry less? Is that what you are saying? Spoken like a true hero. Who knows maybe you are right . But arenāt we here to worry about others and honestly help them? If I shouldnāt worry about others shyly are we all here ?
You observed last week that
It sounds like youāre feeling some frustration today, that you werenāt then. What happened?
Matt, maybe you are right, hi Iām not trying to make enemies itās just how I felt at the the time. Maybe you are right and I am wrong, it just hurts me when I see post if people reaching out and all they get is a heart like. When they are crying for help. So I try, I really do, but honestly itās tough man , what do I say, but , with a community we can strengthen each otherās weaknesses and hopefully help a single individual through a rough patch.
Matt , you are a good man. You reached back to my early recovery and made me read it. Ouch it hurts maybe I was in the pink cloud stage, but never the less I honestly felt that way at the time. I donāt respond much , but I get upset , that we post more on pet selfies than people on the brink of destruction.
I can only speak for myself and often I just donāt find the right words. The ālikeā button represents for me here, I read you.
When I entered this community and others as well, I wanted to change it all, I knew everything better and knew how people should do this or that. What do I know. Probably I will be smashed for my post now.
In the end, atm this community is the most diverse I got to know so far and when I have to say something I do, if not, I donāt.
100%.
It is heartbreaking when we see someone sinking into addiction, or when we see them desperate for something, anything to change. It is heartbreaking.
One of the things about recovery is it teaches us about ourselves. We addicts have been silencing ourselves, erasing ourselves, numbing ourselves in addiction for so long. We twist ourselves inside out trying to not be present in our lives. Weāre scared, weāre running. For years.
When people are desperate they are a mix of scared and angry and starving and - desperate. When people are desperate they are on the edge of being human (which doesnāt mean they arenāt human, it just means - theyāve rolled themselves to the edge). They are desperately clinging to something, and theyāre so blinded by the struggle that often they strike out & fight, when what in fact would help is acceptance: accepting what people have to share, seeking help with humility, asking, listening, belonging to a group.
There are many ways for people in a group to accept others into the community. Hearts are one way. Messages are another. But it is not our place to dictate what is acceptable for others to do. We must be humble and helpful.
We must also care for ourselves. You canāt help someone swim if you yourself are drowning (in commitments, or problems, orā¦). There are many times on this forum Iāve left a heart or a quick āWelcome - you belong hereā message, and had faith, in the community, that either the original poster would follow up with a request, or one of the other members of the community would offer something else.
Also - I donāt know what that person really needs. There are many ways to interpret peopleās messages. The only way to get to know is to listen, and listening starts with a welcoming, accepting silence.
You are here. You belong. You are welcome.
Posting a āheartā and a quick reply is enough to signal someone is welcome. Often they will build on that, follow up, with more. If they choose to engage, then we can build from there. We canāt read peopleās minds; what we can do, as humans, is say, I see you. I hear you. Tell me more, if you want.
There is a lot of power in a community, if you have faith in its ability to accept people, and provide a place for them to grow. Talking Sober does that, for you and for everyone else here.
Thanks for sharing Frank. I can hear your pain. Do you have anything else you want to share? It sounds like something is really on your mind today. Is there more?
I understand. The pet selfies, the foodies, the stupid polls. It does seem like any other social media forum in some ways.
However - in my time here (coming up on 1.5 years now) I have seen incredible depth of caring and support for people here. Incredible depth. I have seen people bare their soul and in so doing, connect with someone, and lift up, lift both people up. I truly donāt know who is helping whom - but I know I have seen people show tremendous bravery and commitment here. I promise you Frank, I promise you, if you are present, and listening, and be kind and committed (just as kind and committed as you would be to any struggling person), you will see it.
The pet selfies have a place. We need to have fun (thatās why thereās a āJust for Funā category for threads). We may be addicts in recovery, but that doesnāt mean weāre not human. Humans like to socialize - in fact itās one of the reasons recovery groups like AA exist. Some of my best friends today are men I met in my recovery group last year. We donāt talk about recovery much now - the other day I was over at oneās house helping him with his deck - but our friendship is built on the mutual respect and vulnerable work we did together in our group. We turned our lives around there; we continue to be present for each other, socially. Weāre friends - and friendship, pet selfies, book clubs, and decks, are all part of that.
Take care brother. You belong. Remember: youāre a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. 
Damn you Matt!! You are wise , and yes . Today marks the 5 th year of my wife passing away from breast cancer, we were high school sweethearts and had 2 amazing daughters. When she passed away it left me a single father of a seven and nine year old daughters. I essentially lost everything in 30 seconds. A life it took us 13 years to build gone in the blink of an eye. So I had to start over from ground zero. Being a single father of 2 girls is hard because of society view on dads . Jump forward my daughters are my biggest accomplishment, my oldest here name is lakelynn has a scholarship for academics at UMD , university of Maryland, and my youngest Jocelyn has one for athletics , volleyball to be specific at the university of Texas , Iām terrified, why you may ask, because they have been my reason for getting sober, and Iām terrified that when they go in to start their lives , my reason for being sober will be gone.
I agree with a lot of what you have said here. Your observations are accurate. I have mentioned before (a while ago now) that the forum is incredibly sensitive to individual personalities and sometimes it can even effect the overall tone of the place for extended periods. Iāve seen it a few times. Iāve even taken breaks because that particular vibe didnāt work for me at the time. But thatās my problem to work through, no one elses. We canāt expect other people to change to suit us.
I agree with the others saying that we really should concern ourselves with what we can control, not what we canāt. And accept that there are many different people here with different stories and journeys who need support in different ways. For every person who doesnāt like a certain approach there will be one that does.
And pro tip. With some tactical muting and ignoring you can make the forum look and feel vastly different 
I was wrong, and Iām sorry. Some of us donāt want to respond with text, I understand and Iām sorry . I thank you for making me realize we do what we can for support of others, even if itās just a like. I apologize Diamonster.
Ah - there it is. Fear. Youāre afraid. Itās ok to be afraid. I understand; I think many of us have been in similar positions - and I think weād all understand that fear. I know Iāve felt it myself; there are situations and places I avoid because they are associated with my addiction. I work to cultivate different spaces, and gradually Iām building a repertoire of different spaces where I can explore my life and also feel comfortable staying sober. Itās taken some changes but I think itās worth it.
Iām not a parent myself but I know many on here who are. Staying sober is ultimately a decision we have to make by and for ourselves - and itās something we have to sustain for ourselves. Maybe you can look into some new social or community spaces? You could reconnect with your local AA or other sobriety group, strengthen your sobriety, and eventually bring the message of sobriety to people who are struggling - thatās a worthy mission - or you could explore another form of volunteering, perhaps at a food bank or other organization. Do you think getting involved in something could help?
Hailstorm, I was gonna just give you a likeā¦ lol. Just kidding, you are correct however, everyone is an individual and to have an environment that just fits me is unrealistic. We all deal with stuff completely different and you have shared wry wise words with me, and it is priceless. Thank you. I donāt want you to take that thank you lightly I mean it.
I think you raise some interesting and valid points.
Isnāt it just something to do? Like instead of cruising instagram or whatever, take a little time in a sober community.
I donāt felt offended. Thank you, also. You know, when we respond (or I say i) it reminds me of myself, it is a mirror and I can now, being some days sober, try to reflect and think what all this has to do with me.
Matt !! Thank you. Iām afraid my words canāt do justice to how important what you said meant to me. You currently are my protective angle, it guardian angle, thank you. You will never know what your interaction meant to me. Just, well thank you.
Glad I could help. Take care Frank