I may be a monster! I think this is a very reliable site , and many trying to do the right thing. I also believe this is a smaller pond in the realms of social media for certain patrons to gain admiration in a small pond. I do agree that we should celebrate each and every sober day we complete, but I do see a pattern of the same people posting in said threads. I feel like this is just like any other media site but with much less competition. I also believe there is a lot of good advice from people and think that is amazing. I also think that certain people are just trying to feel important. I’m sure I will be kicked out of this group, but I also hope those who need to see this will. It’s not about how active we are in responding, it’s about quality over quantity. If you view the most active members you will see a copy and paste response. We aren’t here to be important, we are here to help struggling individuals. If I help someone I don’t need praised for it that’s ridiculous , in my heart deep in my chest I know I made a difference. I don’t need a like or a response , I just know as you should as well. All I ask is that we reflect and ask ourselves why are we doing this ? Why? I don’t won’t generic answers, for instance it’s my calling , I like helping people that’s garbage half hearted answers, give me real reasons. That’s all I want. I have been a part of many recovery groups , and still am this is the first group that a lot of posters are self centered and trying to gain a reputation. We are here because we struggled and are struggling we need help. Guess what? It’s not about you it’s about a thing we all share in common , we are powerless against our addictions. So let’s be honest . Let’s not be narcissist about it . We all need help and copy and paste remarks are actually worthless because we are all unique. Take time to actually read, put yourself in the posters shoes, I hope that this message hits home. If not I well , but those who have been wondering the same things , I’m sure there are many others who feel the same . I wish you all best wishes , and continued success in sobriety.
It sounds like you’re feeling unheard, like what you need isn’t here. Is that right?
Worry less about what others are doing.
were powerless how other people decide to live too, which includes how they post on this forum 
Worry less? Is that what you are saying? Spoken like a true hero. Who knows maybe you are right . But aren’t we here to worry about others and honestly help them? If I shouldn’t worry about others shyly are we all here ?
You observed last week that
It sounds like you’re feeling some frustration today, that you weren’t then. What happened?
Matt, maybe you are right, hi I’m not trying to make enemies it’s just how I felt at the the time. Maybe you are right and I am wrong, it just hurts me when I see post if people reaching out and all they get is a heart like. When they are crying for help. So I try, I really do, but honestly it’s tough man , what do I say, but , with a community we can strengthen each other’s weaknesses and hopefully help a single individual through a rough patch.
Matt , you are a good man. You reached back to my early recovery and made me read it. Ouch it hurts maybe I was in the pink cloud stage, but never the less I honestly felt that way at the time. I don’t respond much , but I get upset , that we post more on pet selfies than people on the brink of destruction.
I can only speak for myself and often I just don’t find the right words. The ‘like’ button represents for me here, I read you.
When I entered this community and others as well, I wanted to change it all, I knew everything better and knew how people should do this or that. What do I know. Probably I will be smashed for my post now.
In the end, atm this community is the most diverse I got to know so far and when I have to say something I do, if not, I don’t.
100%.
It is heartbreaking when we see someone sinking into addiction, or when we see them desperate for something, anything to change. It is heartbreaking.
One of the things about recovery is it teaches us about ourselves. We addicts have been silencing ourselves, erasing ourselves, numbing ourselves in addiction for so long. We twist ourselves inside out trying to not be present in our lives. We’re scared, we’re running. For years.
When people are desperate they are a mix of scared and angry and starving and - desperate. When people are desperate they are on the edge of being human (which doesn’t mean they aren’t human, it just means - they’ve rolled themselves to the edge). They are desperately clinging to something, and they’re so blinded by the struggle that often they strike out & fight, when what in fact would help is acceptance: accepting what people have to share, seeking help with humility, asking, listening, belonging to a group.
There are many ways for people in a group to accept others into the community. Hearts are one way. Messages are another. But it is not our place to dictate what is acceptable for others to do. We must be humble and helpful.
We must also care for ourselves. You can’t help someone swim if you yourself are drowning (in commitments, or problems, or…). There are many times on this forum I’ve left a heart or a quick “Welcome - you belong here” message, and had faith, in the community, that either the original poster would follow up with a request, or one of the other members of the community would offer something else.
Also - I don’t know what that person really needs. There are many ways to interpret people’s messages. The only way to get to know is to listen, and listening starts with a welcoming, accepting silence.
You are here. You belong. You are welcome.
Posting a “heart” and a quick reply is enough to signal someone is welcome. Often they will build on that, follow up, with more. If they choose to engage, then we can build from there. We can’t read people’s minds; what we can do, as humans, is say, I see you. I hear you. Tell me more, if you want.
There is a lot of power in a community, if you have faith in its ability to accept people, and provide a place for them to grow. Talking Sober does that, for you and for everyone else here.
Thanks for sharing Frank. I can hear your pain. Do you have anything else you want to share? It sounds like something is really on your mind today. Is there more?
I understand. The pet selfies, the foodies, the stupid polls. It does seem like any other social media forum in some ways.
However - in my time here (coming up on 1.5 years now) I have seen incredible depth of caring and support for people here. Incredible depth. I have seen people bare their soul and in so doing, connect with someone, and lift up, lift both people up. I truly don’t know who is helping whom - but I know I have seen people show tremendous bravery and commitment here. I promise you Frank, I promise you, if you are present, and listening, and be kind and committed (just as kind and committed as you would be to any struggling person), you will see it.
The pet selfies have a place. We need to have fun (that’s why there’s a “Just for Fun” category for threads). We may be addicts in recovery, but that doesn’t mean we’re not human. Humans like to socialize - in fact it’s one of the reasons recovery groups like AA exist. Some of my best friends today are men I met in my recovery group last year. We don’t talk about recovery much now - the other day I was over at one’s house helping him with his deck - but our friendship is built on the mutual respect and vulnerable work we did together in our group. We turned our lives around there; we continue to be present for each other, socially. We’re friends - and friendship, pet selfies, book clubs, and decks, are all part of that.
Take care brother. You belong. Remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. 
Damn you Matt!! You are wise , and yes . Today marks the 5 th year of my wife passing away from breast cancer, we were high school sweethearts and had 2 amazing daughters. When she passed away it left me a single father of a seven and nine year old daughters. I essentially lost everything in 30 seconds. A life it took us 13 years to build gone in the blink of an eye. So I had to start over from ground zero. Being a single father of 2 girls is hard because of society view on dads . Jump forward my daughters are my biggest accomplishment, my oldest here name is lakelynn has a scholarship for academics at UMD , university of Maryland, and my youngest Jocelyn has one for athletics , volleyball to be specific at the university of Texas , I’m terrified, why you may ask, because they have been my reason for getting sober, and I’m terrified that when they go in to start their lives , my reason for being sober will be gone.
I agree with a lot of what you have said here. Your observations are accurate. I have mentioned before (a while ago now) that the forum is incredibly sensitive to individual personalities and sometimes it can even effect the overall tone of the place for extended periods. I’ve seen it a few times. I’ve even taken breaks because that particular vibe didn’t work for me at the time. But that’s my problem to work through, no one elses. We can’t expect other people to change to suit us.
I agree with the others saying that we really should concern ourselves with what we can control, not what we can’t. And accept that there are many different people here with different stories and journeys who need support in different ways. For every person who doesn’t like a certain approach there will be one that does.
And pro tip. With some tactical muting and ignoring you can make the forum look and feel vastly different 
I was wrong, and I’m sorry. Some of us don’t want to respond with text, I understand and I’m sorry . I thank you for making me realize we do what we can for support of others, even if it’s just a like. I apologize Diamonster.
Ah - there it is. Fear. You’re afraid. It’s ok to be afraid. I understand; I think many of us have been in similar positions - and I think we’d all understand that fear. I know I’ve felt it myself; there are situations and places I avoid because they are associated with my addiction. I work to cultivate different spaces, and gradually I’m building a repertoire of different spaces where I can explore my life and also feel comfortable staying sober. It’s taken some changes but I think it’s worth it.
I’m not a parent myself but I know many on here who are. Staying sober is ultimately a decision we have to make by and for ourselves - and it’s something we have to sustain for ourselves. Maybe you can look into some new social or community spaces? You could reconnect with your local AA or other sobriety group, strengthen your sobriety, and eventually bring the message of sobriety to people who are struggling - that’s a worthy mission - or you could explore another form of volunteering, perhaps at a food bank or other organization. Do you think getting involved in something could help?
Hailstorm, I was gonna just give you a like… lol. Just kidding, you are correct however, everyone is an individual and to have an environment that just fits me is unrealistic. We all deal with stuff completely different and you have shared wry wise words with me, and it is priceless. Thank you. I don’t want you to take that thank you lightly I mean it.
I think you raise some interesting and valid points.
Isn’t it just something to do? Like instead of cruising instagram or whatever, take a little time in a sober community.
I don’t felt offended. Thank you, also. You know, when we respond (or I say i) it reminds me of myself, it is a mirror and I can now, being some days sober, try to reflect and think what all this has to do with me.
Matt !! Thank you. I’m afraid my words can’t do justice to how important what you said meant to me. You currently are my protective angle, it guardian angle, thank you. You will never know what your interaction meant to me. Just, well thank you.
Glad I could help. Take care Frank