I struggle with the thoughts of “not good enough”. I always have. My mom says ive always been hard on myself. Alcohol gave me a reprieve. Now that im sober i need to address these thoughts. I dont know what i need to do but i know if i can grow passed this i will be unstoppable.
Even in sobriety, yeah i have 121 days, but thats not “good enough”. What can i do but string more days together and hope i feel more fullfilled at the next milestone? I somehow doubt my thinking will change without major intervention. Maybe its time to set up some therapy sessions.
Therapy is a great option. You are not alone in having those feelings. It’s quite common. Also, try to join as many sobriety communities as you can. That will help. I use AA locally and The Luckiest Club for online meetings. I have so many wonderful sober friends. We have a lot of fun.
This breaks my heart for you. From seeing you interact on here I know you are a strong, compassionate and funny human and I think you are enough.
I get the feelings though. I even tried buying a necklace that said “enough” online that I was always too self conscious to wear. Unsurprisingly that did not help my self esteem.
Try to challenge those feelings in your own head. We have a lot of negative self talkers in my family so I will occasionally re-route a conversation with a quick don’t talk that way about my sister when it’s my sister doing the self talk. I see you trying. I shed a quick tear with you this morning while typing this. Sometimes our thoughts are lying assholes. You aren’t though.
My names cjp and im an alcoholic. I have 19 weeks and 1 day of freedom from weed and alcohol. Im struggling today. This morning i got word of two relapses close to me. It scares me. I dont want to be the next to fall. I need to double down on my program
Reach out to my sponsor
Attend AA meetings
Be honest
Say no to that first drink
Why do i not want to drink?
No shame
No guilt
Not letting myself and others down
Keeping my word
What has sobriety given me thus far?
Happiness
Joy
Self respect
Better mood
Better energy
Pride
Someone elses relapse does not equal mine. I have a healthy fear and thats normal when you value something. I value my sobriety and the growth ive made in the last 4 months. I will. I can. With my higher power. I will avoid that first drink.
Hang in there. 19 weeks is awesome. I took it hard when A fellow of mine I was attending meetings with for a few weeks went back out and ended up in rehab, I reached out but only heard from him once afterwards. I had to realize a lot like you did that someone else’s journey is not my own and I, along with my higher power, are in charge of my destiny. If you keep doing the leg work like your doing and letting your higher power run the show, everything will work out. I have been following your journey and you give me inspiration, hope, and joy every time I read about your journey. Good or bad, it’s showing me that someone is in the trenches with me fighting this disease. Great idea on hitting the program a bit harder, I myself have been trying to put more focus on prayer/ meditation/ getting out into nature. It’s progress not perfection in that regard. Just know your not alone and don’t fall for that first sucker drink and your life will keep getting better. Much love.
Wow what a beautiful message @TwoWolves967 that was just what i needed to hear tonight. Im greatful you are in the trenches with me!! Keep fighting the good fight!
Im looking for someone with 7+ years of sobriety
A woman
Someone who is open minded and loving
Someone who is personable
Someone who lives the program
Someone who makes time for me
Someone who accepts and encourages me to explore my spiritual relationship with my higher power, who isnt pushing a christian god
What i will bring to the table…
Dedication to working the program
Hit atleast 3 in person mtgs a week, and 3 zooms
Comes ready to work thru steps 4 and 5
Loyal
I will call, not just text – my issue before
Positive outlook
Recovering alcoholic
Yeah, wish i could date a sponsor before getting into bed with them
Aww glad my journey could help! @chey.o Im just using this thread to chronicle my journey. Ive come along way in my four months of sobriety. I wish you the best on your journey as well!
Today was a good day. As im writing this i am joyful…except for boscoe eating half my french dip grrr. But work went well. I was productive and got praise. I spoke with my sponsor and she apologized and we will be working on my fourth and fifth step next tuesday. Not gonna lie, old me woulda dumped her because she let me down and we arent that close. But new me paused, got perspective realised she is human and i havent been calling her everyday and telling her about my progress. I feel like i have grown wiser in sobriety. Theres this amazing clarity i experience from time to time.
Also hit up a new aa meeting after work. I asked to sit next to the first person that greeted me and everyone made me feel very welcome. It was a big book study and they were on How It Works which captures where im hung up…step 3 giving it up to my higher power and step 4 taking a personal inventory. Funny how i felt like i was supposed to be there tonight. Working on both.
Sounds like a good day. My whole perception of alcohol changed Right around the 100 day mark. Keep up the good work. I’m so grateful to be sober and free of alcohol.
Thanks for the post. I have been drinking for 40 years. On and off, I am a vet and we partied hard. We worked hard also. I used to just drink on game days or at the bar. Became a firefighter and the same thing. We played hard and worked just as hard. Saving lives and in the heat was a rush, so we celebrated alot.
I got married at 34. Went a few years without any alcohol. I dont go to bars ect. Started drinking again while working in the garage. That moved to my office downstairs, and on the way home from work Id have one.
Im on day 24. I drink to much and the filter comes off. Then I dont remember what I said. And Ive said the wrong things to the ones I Love the most.
I was not a daily drinker, have no withdrawl symptoms, or cravings. Other than my liver trying to readjust im good, I need support and someone to vent with.
I am not good with labels and have been to a few AA meetings. Its not sticking yet. Im reading the big book as of now, along with other support.
I also use AlAnon resources, as my father was an excessive drinker. He is clean 10+ years I believe.
My wife has been sleeping on the couch or in the camper since day 1.
No discussion, solutions, or resolutions as of yet.
Keep up the work and stay sober.
I am an excessive drinker. If this AA group doesnt stick, Ill see if the VA has one. Support is there in many forms, just find one you relate to and stay with it.
I also tried on my own. I went a year and a half without a drink. And then for no reason at all I picked up that first glass of wine and started drinking everyday. I have learned through AA that sober is not the same as recovery. Doing this thing alone, further isolation and hiding, is just being dry. Alone I could not uncover what causes my drinking. Identifying the cause for my drinking and other character flaws is where true freedom is found. Not easy, but nothing worthwhile is easy. I too didn’t want to share, didn’t want to go, didn’t want to admit. By some higher power I found courage and strength to walk in…… and all my fears were instantly diffused. Only love and acceptance were felt when I walked through the door… you got this! I believe in you! If it could happen for me, it can happen for you!
Unsurprisingly that did not help my self esteem.
thank you 