sniff crying a little bit. But it’s hard for me to let go like you’re saying. I’ve been keeping some stuff in for so long and drowning it with the drink that I have almost dissociated from the pain. Thank you for those really sweet words. It means a lot to know someone cares.
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I haven’t gone yet and am happy to chat if it helps. We could all sit and reel off a shitty past or current problems, this is where meditation helps me, I’ve got demons but you can learn how to log it in a part of the brain where you know it has happened but don’t let it emotionally upset you. Do you think you will drink today, that may sound blunt but do you.?
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Night Pauly!
Thanks for being willing to ask the hard the questions. No. I won’t drink tonight. No alcohol in the house and I’ve already navigated the grocery without buying anything. Appreciate the offer to chat but I’m good right now. Having a chat with my daughters… It’s only 4:45pm here. They are both in a not great mood either. So it’s hard to let myself feel when I have to put on a brave face for them. Maybe in a few hours I can have “me” time but you’ll be asleep. 
I’ve got a big roast in the oven and after dinner I’ll carve out some time with a cup of tea. Again… Appreciate you.
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Day 2 drink day 2 weed, I’m not even trying to give weed up but I prayed for strength and I got more than I expected, tried to organise my first AA meeting for tomorrow but the lady I want to go with was not at work, at least I didn’t wake up today with a different attitude and am still prepared to try it. The experiment is OK, interested to see where it takes me although I won’t drink in 30 days anyway but if I learn one thing then it will be worth it. Its scary how positive I feel, I hope it lasts because normally you come back to earth with a bang. For now though HUUUURRRRAAAY, Be strong.
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Good night friend. Keep taking it one day at a time. Don’t worry about how you’ll feel tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself right? 
Give that AA meeting a go if you can manage. Can you not go by yourself? I went to the first one by myself and it wasn’t so bad. The people there were incredibly kind.
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Night Paul , really glad to hear you’re still staying so positive. It’s just lovely 
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I could and very well may go on my own but it would be nice to go with a friend, I’ve known her about 20 years and only found out she was an alcoholic about 2 years ago. I guess that’s why it’s called alcoholics annomynous. I didn’t even know she drank.
Wow. That would be nice to walk in with someone else. It sure would have helped me be less nervous. Hope you can work it out!
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right now nothing is too difficult and everything makes sense, I’m in full on recovery mode. I thought I had it sorted before but its on another level now. I’ve been possessed.
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Wow day 3 alcohol day 3 weed, I’m exhausted., got up did day 3 experiment had bath went for walk went out for lunch went to the church to pray for strength, went to work and just got back from my first AA meeting. It was just like this but without you lot. But it did have people there I used to drink with years ago, so if nothing else it was good to catch up. They said I should take a phone number, maybe, but I told them I got you lot. And it’s not free, they end a bucket round for donations and said I don’t have to contribute on my first day, this implies that I do have to contribute on my next meeting. Cheeky gits. Anyway I’m still rocking and rolling and tomorrow is going to to be a tobacco and weed personal best. My step daughter said she is proud of me, my Mrs says, whatever floats your boat, she really seems like she couldn’t give a shit what I do. I hope she realises if I kill myself with alcohol that the life insurance would be void.
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Proud of you for going to the meeting!! Doing a little happy dance over here for ya. Probably wouldn’t hurt to have a phone number but take one when you’re ready. As far as the basket goes… Not sure if they explained that AA is solely funded through donations. That’s why they pass the basket around. I’ve been to 3 meetings and have never put anything in the basket. I plan to contribute maybe one set amount once a month that fits my budget. I doubt they’d kick you out if you don’t drop something in the basket. Don’t let that deter you from going back. But seriously this post just made my afternoon at work much brighter! Well done on 3 days friend. Stay the course. 
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You definitely have a way with words Paul. Looking forward to the book you’ll be writing some day 
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Thank you so much, I’m keeping you peeps with me though, if it wasn’t for you lot I wouldn’t have walked through that door.
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I will send you a signed copy, remember that you will be a major part of this story, you lot are my hero’s.
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Still going strong, today was my day of worry when I woke up but this is the first time I have been absolutely clean and sober in over a year. Can it be coincidence when I pray for strength I get it. I almost feel quilty feeling so good when others are suffering. Please remember why you do this, please stay strong, please treat yourself with the respect you deserve. Some days your gonna wonder why you bother and that’s when your subconscious is going jump straight on your back, it’s been sharpening its claws and is hungry to get stuck in. Remember everything you have learned, use every trick in the book but just for today STAY SOBER.
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Amen brother!
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It’s not good night but this is my story. Just had a huge argument with the Mrs and you need to know. Your partner will never understand your mind, your heart and the workings of an addict who doesn’t want to be one. Don’t be mad with them, how can they ever understand. Half the time we don’t know what we are doing ourselves so it’s hard but we can’t take it personally. Apparently AA is brainwashing me 
oh yes I fucking hope so, if only that was the answer. I should do it myself because you are the only one who can help you to quit . I take myself to AA, I do the 30 day experiment, I pray for strength in church everyday not for religion but for another sober day, I do a calender for November with daily tasks that I was kindly sent, I sit on here now to release any tension that could make me weak enough to drink. YEP she wins the argument I am the only one who can help me. Bless her.
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Big hugs bro!
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cheers my friend, why does conor call you a different name every post. He’s gonna have to buy a baby name book eventually
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