numb today, really can’t be bothered with much
one day at a time again, how boring is that. Didn’t drink today but thought about it on more than one occasion. I’m only posting this bc it’s my daily journal. Been a lot of ups and downs on this thread.
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You did great to stay sober today Pauly. Tomorrow will be easier and brighter, you know you got this mate 
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Chin up bro!
Maybe read back through this journal and it’ll help you remember where you’ve already been and how far you’ve come. Sober is better. 
Hugs.
night night to all
Feels odd doing this now, feels like I’ve said everything I’m ever going to say but the wheel of life keeps turning and our time will soon come round again. I do need to add another spoke to my wheel though bc everytime I relapse I add another level of protection. In 3 years I’ve gone from OK I’ll stop to nearly killing myself to praying for help to AA meetings to meditation and mindfullness to helping others less fortunate!!!.. wow what a thing to write… less fortunate… how many people do I know would be better off an addict… I am the bloody less fortunate.
So I digress, what do I add now, what will be my next light bulb moment, not sure yet but trust me when I find that miracle cure you’ll be the first to know.
I don’t like doing shout outs in case I forget someone but certain people tonight have said some very heart warming and for me important things, you know who you all are and I will never forget it as long as I live.
It’s a proud day 2. Be strong.
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A very proud day 3, proud bc it’s hard and haven’t drunk again. Actually considered having a drink on the way to an AA meeting that I didn’t even want to go to.
I’m glad I did, I’m always glad I did. I’ve not been to loads but the more I go the more important they seem to be getting. I’m still hurting and licking my wounds but I can see light again at the end of the tunnel, just changed tunnels bc the other one was a dead end.
We keep trying until we make it.
It’s like Churchill once said and more importantly Iron maiden, “We shall go on to the end, We shall never surrender”.
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I took my brother in law to a meeting on Friday night.
On the way in we were talking about how he feels self conscious and paranoid.
Low and behold most of the shares were about this exact topic.
Weird how that happens.
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Happens a lot though that’s the strange thing about it, people sit there and listen then at the end say it was a great meeting its just what I needed to hear. Laura’s being very fucking awkward in my left ear as I write this, putting down my sponsor I’ve not met yet saying it’s all mumbo jumbo bullshit and there’s no such thing as your higher power. I wish I wasn’t so patient sometimes, if she was a man I would punch him in the mouth 
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It’s gotta be hard with that happening mate.
she thinks I had a drink and that was the end of it she doesn’t know the struggle I’ve had not to carry on so I told her and her reply was just don’t buy one if you don’t want one. Yep it’s that simple, I’ve been doing this recovery all wrong.
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if she went to Al anon all the poor buggers would end up at AA.
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Night.
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been reading a lot of your opinions about the virus so I have read the W. H. O website and the facts are worse than the news and media. More could have been done sooner as they advised but governments are more worried about money than health.
Day 5 alcohol day 91 or 92 weed I’ve forgot. Be safe be strong be sober.
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Closing the curtain on day 55 for me. NY is tense right now, I’m sick and confirmed cases were in the building where I work. I can’t be fear based, it would take over. My trick for getting over anxiety producing situations is to play the “what’s the worst that could happen?” game. Well I could get the virus, be sick for a while, and then get over it…or not. So the worst that could happen is I die. Ok. If it’s my time, it’s my time. There - fear gone. Rambling over. Good night.
Are you a healthy person?
If so why would you die?
But yes you are correct. No good to anyone if all we do is panic.
I was just playing what the worst that can happen scenario? I actually have a chronic health condition but not autoimmune. So no, not what I’d call healthy.
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Oh well, been nice knowing you! 
No seriously, all we can do is be vigilant and clean.
And isolate if we think anything is wrong.
As you say, what will happen will happen.
Not a lot we can do about it. So no use panicking.
Serenity prayer comes in handy here.
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day 6 and day 92. The world has gone mad and I feel many of us have been distracted so let’s focus on what we are here for. Whatever happens good or bad my sobriety remains the most important part of my life, if I fail at this then the corona virus would be a blessing. A long life of abuse is still not what I want my future to hold. its inevitable that some of us on here will become ill but with sobriety and healthy living we’ve all got a better chance than we would have had. Have you noticed they can’t make enough food, loo roll or sanitary products but if you want to drink your still got loads to choose from. My new sponsor is over 80 and not doing to good, a daily text is the best he can manage.
Be strong, keep your minds on your goal and may your sobriety bring you everything you ever wished for.
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night
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