First time I’ve ever finished my day with an accountabilty post but for gods sake am I even trying anymore, yes I want to be sober but my brain just goes with the flow atm and I’m like “You deserve it”, deserve what?..
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What does that mean, are you going to bed sober? I surely miss your witty comebacks here my friend. 
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Oh dear, only you can answer as to if you’re even trying anymore. I know you want it, because you’re here. You know where to find me love 
I’ve just finished a book where the woman refers to her internal voice as the wine witch. Fuck knows what I’d call mine… the boozed up, bloated, bastard? I think personifying it gives you the power to fight it back, instead of feeling like it’s just kicking about your head somewhere pushing all the buttons and hauling on the reigns. Might help, might not
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That is correct…no person, place, thing or situation is worth drinking over. there are better ways to handle your emotions by talking to people and reaching out in this forum. There are a lot of people here that care and that would not mind taking the time to listen, myself included. Possibly offering sane rational advice along with sharing our experience, strengths and hopes with you. It’s just that simple one alcoholic helping another. Reach out and give it a try it’s pretty neat how it works.
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I’ll be back, I’m beginning to not enjoy this. Don’t ever have one it’s such a hard fight back. You will regret it.
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I was just wondering about you. Glad to see you even if it’s just for a minute. I’m not giving up on you friend. No judgement. Just love and compassion here. Come back when you’re ready. I’ll be here with open arms. And I’m sure many others will join me.
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I’ll be there too
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Ditto from here too my friend…
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I’m joining the others in welcoming you back with open arms, when you’re ready.
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Paul who?
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I am here too. I love reading your posts, they help me “think” about my journey. 
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I think (hope) that Paul knows my sense of humor by now 
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Paul, hope your pain threshold is not as high as mine was. You don’t have to go through the same experiences that I went through to get to where I’m at today. It does not have to be that way, but sadly it often is. I’m here for you when you’re ready my friend. You know how to contact me day or night 24/7. Paul, you know the choice that you need to make. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay safe my brother. Love you
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thanks for all the messages just for you I’ll see what I can do today
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Paul, see what YOU can do for YOURSELF today. YOU must do it for YOU and only YOU. No one else not a wife, husband, children, brother, sister, parents, dog, cat or whatever. I have been down this road before and I know what I’m talkin about from experience.
This is still not easy for me to talk about so please bear with me. Might be a little rambling. So here goes part of my story.
I decided to get clean and sober for my ex-wife(which I met in AA, not advisable and a whole nother story and lesson) and family on my first go-around. I was not willing to get honest with myself due to the fear of too much perceived emotional pain working the program. There was a tremendous amount of guilt and fear in my life at that time. I have learned now how to work through that. The first time I stepped into a room of AA and saw the 12- steps it scared the hell out of me.(first wife and step-daughter died of an overdose within a month of each other, I carried around tremendous guilt that I had never processed. Again a whole nother story and lesson) I thought if I focus all of my attention and energy on my ex-wife and family that that would be enough. By the way, I was the strongest will powered person I knew. But my life was controlled by fear. I did well for quite a few years until I didn’t. I did not have any tools to be able to stay sober except for my own will. There was sobriety but no recovery. Sense I wasn’t willing to get sober for myself first and foremost my so called “sobriety” ended in a complete disaster of proportions that I could not of ever imagined. My addictions lead me down the path of Incomprehensible demoralization of biblical proportions.
Please Paul, hear what I’m saying, learn from my lessons my friend and don’t make the same mistakes I did. This time do it for YOU. Love you my brother, good night.
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not a lot apparently
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