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Dear @Dazercat Dear @RosaCanDo
Thank you both for your powerful posts 
Today I find a lot for me in both of them and I’m grateful for it!
My husband and I felt deeply attached to each other today. We attended the funeral of our late friend. We both cried. He had emotional and caring moments with the sons. We held hands during the whole ceremony (he normally is the don’t touch me type). I could feel my deep love for him. I want to remember this when the next bääähh situation comes around and is annoying 
Now he watches TV and drinks beer. Today I can cope with it. I’m tired and will be asleep soon. I would love to join him to watch together but I’m just to tired and my head aches a bit. Tomorrow is another day 
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Wow, what a rollercoaster of a bday meal and afters - this on top of getting ready to move is so much. Sending you so much love and wishes for a smooth transition. Hopefully a return to some peace and quiet at home in Flag will be a respite for you, and maybe a reset for you both.
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Today was a nice day for a birthday. I never mentioned last night to my wife. I did think about it. But it didn’t get me down. I got so much love and support from you all here. Just what I needed. Thank you
@ShesGotMoxie
@Its_me_Stella
@RosaCanDo
@erntedank
@Laraellelarissa
@jonathanlee213
You’re no advice support is just what I needed last night. I just wanted to be heard. It’s been really hard living with a spouse that drinks all the time. But you know what? It’s getting easier. And I never want to join her in her drinking. Ya sometimes I say fuck it. I’m tired of working on myself. Y’all know that whining song and dance. But I’m seeing it all pay off. We never talked about last night. But I didn’t care. What good would it have done. And ya think she might get a little defensive? Maybe. I had a pretty great birthday day. And I got Happy Feet from my 30 minute reflexology massage. My feet are walking on clouds. We just got back from dinner and I’m happy she’s sleeping it off on the couch. Ya again. Until 
we have to walk the dogs. In the old days on my last night here I would have been having cocktails too. Fuck we’d be staggering around with the dogs in the middle of the night 
But all of a sudden now I’m not drinking. And it doesn’t look like I’m missing anything. Im enjoying my sobriety.
We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Next week. A month. I might just let a sliver of Hope stop in again. But resentment and anger. I got no use for ya.
Love you guys. Thanks for your continued love and support. And to anyone else reading my shit show.
If I focus on her drinking. I’m not focusing on my recovery.
Nice to see you on here Rosa. I haven’t read any of your post yet. But I will when I get settled back home next week.
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pure GOLD.
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Big hug
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A sober bday is a GREATday! Remember every bit of it and wont be hurting tomorrow 
Happy feet are worth it, glad to hear you had a wonderful day.
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Have a safe trip home tomorrow. Best wishes for that, too.
The kitty meme/gif , posted by @Its_me_Stella several threads up is one of the sweetest, most meaningful things I have ever seen. It, for you, from me, too, please.
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Thanks.
And ya she melted my heart with that one.
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Thanks @Dazercat and @Its_me_Stella !!! THIS I needed to hear right now.
So I refrain from complaining and just give you all a big hug and myself a nice evening with a purring cat on me and a book to read Tomorrow is another day and I will wake up sober, hangoverfree, well rested and hopefully full of energy 
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Määäähhh, just want to grumble. It could be a beautiful sunday if my husband wasn’t on the road instead of having a nice sunday together as he promised. And I am angry on myself for being angry on myself that this makes me angry and sad and feels lonely. Checked for HALT and let’s see if I find something to destract me that’s NOT chores. Boa am I fucking grumpy!!!
( H.ungry A.ngry L.onely T.ired)
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C’mon over here and tell us about. It might make you feel better.
Tell me about. I been bitching about this for 2 years.
I started this thread just for this reason.
And you know what? Deep down I know I do feel better. When I keep working on myself. But some days I’m fucking sick of it. And they get to keep drinking right? And it sucks and it hurts.
But you know what? The truth is. I’m ok. I got lots of tools. I focus on my sobriety. I’ve written it a thousand times. If I’m focusing on my wife’s drinking. I’m not focusing on my sobriety. I’ve never been able to change anyone in my life. Has anyone? If you can, tell me your secret. God knows I’ve tried and failed. But I can change how I look at things. And that starts with gratitude. Everyday.
Right here Daily Gratitude List. Gratitude The Air Of Recovery - #843 by Kat378
I can take care of myself. I matter. And my pets. That’s about it.
After 38 years of drinking together. I can and I will live with a spouse that’s an alcoholic. And I will continue to be sober. Because I don’t drink anymore. And it feels great! She cannot put me back on that merry go round. Only I can do that. And I don’t have enough time left in my life for another recovery. This is the one for me.
Fucken aye that felt good.
I got to come here more often.
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This is very true.
Cherish your day, this is the only one we truly have.
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**** Trigger Warning ED****
I never thought I would be posting on this thread because I have “no loved one in active addiction” until I realized last night I do.
My mom has started her first of the new year food restricting a bit late this year. She usually starts it in Jan and it’s in full swing until Mayish. The obsessing, labeling reading, talking about food, weighing meals, weighing herself, peeing on Keto Stix, changing her clothes sizes in her closet… I could continue but you can grasp the insanity. My poor dad had to go “food shopping” for her today, he came over to my house, " Your mom’s starting again." all I said to him was " mhm, it’s the insanity of active addiction Dad." He nodded and left. It makes him sad he can’t help her, us… but her mostly I think because of the complete denial. I used to get frustrated with her… now I just smile and tell her I love her. I told her there was a 12 step program for that… she looked at me like I was on fire. Not so sure the generational change is going to happen with my mother, and that’s ok.
I wasn’t triggered last night because she started today so I wasn’t around any behaviors. Hopefully I will be able to avoid meal times and if she tries to open conversations about food or weight I will just need to place some boundaries there.
I am not sure she has any idea how her behavior has influence me in my life, I am pretty sure it would absolutely crush her. That’s the self centered part of the disease right… she doesn’t see what it’s doing to the people around her. Poor mom.
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Thanks for the invite @Dazercat. I’ll read through these threads and try to be more active on this platform. I really need it right now.
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Thanks for the share Stella. I hope it brought some relief. I remember when I suddenly realised I belonged on this thread. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for you to know she doesn’t even know this had and still has an influence on you. 
You must feel so invisible to her, and especially when you were younger. Ouch.
But you’re right, it’s the obsession and they can’t help it. Recovery and therapy help us approach these blind spots. Without these, nothing going as is impressively illustrated by your mum, doing the same crazy thing all these years. Wow.
Hug
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