Thanks, hugs right back! As Eric says, this shit is tough!
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Thanks. I do struggle with what my rights really are here. On the one hand, I’m supposed to be patient and hope and pray he sees the light and will realize that his substance use is having a direct negative impact on his mental health. But on the other hand…
Sigh.
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But so are we. 🩷
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Damn straight, girl!
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Good morning to all, and I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve been trying hard to practice compassionate detachment since my little episode with hubby last week. Last night he told me he’s never felt this way before, never had this experience, and doesn’t know what to . ( as he takes another toke! ) I waffled between incredulity and deep sadness that he cant see he’s suffering from addiction. But I just listened. So yippee for me. these past months of watching him slowly slide deeper and deeper have been so hard. I have to keep reminding myself of my own journey, and keep focusing on myself. I have to believe he will one day figure it out. Maybe one day he’ll try not drinking for a while to see if it helps.
“A more compassionate way to respond to those I love might be to allow them to face the consequences of their actions, even when it will cause them pain.” (Excerpt From Courage to Change Al-Anon Family Groups)
Anyway… this is my little bit for today. Love to all 
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And cause us pain. Because we love them so much
Great job Patty. Keep practicing that.
I’m learning for me, to aim for progress not perfection.
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So true, Eric! Thanks!! Aiming for progress, not perfection. That is so important!
.
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Ah, thank you for sharing this. This really resonated with me today and is just, what I needed to read. I struggle a lot with keeping boundaries in place and seeing an addicted loved one suffer and in pain is a pretty good way to bring them down fast. Usually at my expense. Framing it as unhelpful for both of us makes it easier.
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Fuck addiction. 
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Oh Patricia im sorry your going through this, it must be incredibly hard to have to watch and wait for someone you love to figure things out, i just want to send you some love and hugs and tell you that i think you are a wonderful person 
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Thanks, Kelly. I so appreciate your support. You were an important cheerleader for me when I first came here, I’m eternally grateful! .I don’t know what I would do without TS and he fine folks here. I’ll keep hanging in there.
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Im grateful for you too youve also helped me plenty of times, im the same…with all you wonderful people on here i rekon i could get through anything xxx
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My sponsee is back out, I can feel her pain even though she isnt feeling it. All I can do is pray she survives and finds her way back. I am powerless over addiction, mine and everyone else’s. These are the nights I do tonglen meditations, these are the nights I send out my light. Even though I am powerless over addiction I still have power over how I deal with the situation and I choose love. Anger, sadness, fear all vibrate at the same low frequency as active addiction. If I sit in those emotions I am no help to anyone, its always up to me to take care of my energy so that I can help people out of darkness.
We do recover if we surrender.
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So sorry about your sponsor. The way you are responding to the situation is an inspiration for me. I need frequent reminders to surrender. And the Tonglen practice is something I can do more often as well. many thanks.
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Dear folks, I need a vent, rant, outlet, not quite knowing where this post will go.
I AM PISSED 
I am so pissed off my ex I wish this - oh I even don’t know how to call that - would make poooof and I would be released from him. Like in a comic.
This annoying ex came to the farm today and if I hadn’t been there he AGAIN had thrown away stuff from me and claimed stuff from me being his 
And my gut feeling for the trial appointment next friday tells me to tell my lawyer to fucking grill this asshole. No more postponing, derailing, egotrips or whatever fuckery else he wants. Close.that.fucking.case.
I went so mad today I bluntly throw in his face that his fucking swigging caused the big bang and the farm is only mutual property because I fucking payed for it, loved him, believed in him and a life together until we’re old and grey, and I was a fucking stupid chicken without head when I decided to make the worst mistake of my life.
I think I reached the point where I just want him out and off the farm and my life. To my big surprise I was angry today, pissed, again speechless about his behaviour and non-communication but one thing was absent: Love. Not a single moment I looked at him and saw the man I once loved. Obviously approaching the 2 year mark in may casts it’s shadow. Maybe I’m fed up with fuckery for the rest of my life. For sure I cried in the supermarket when I saw the oranges because I loved to make us fresh orange juice for years. I stopped like so much because he was absent, lost interest, I didn’t want to pamper him and be nice when he drank … I clearly saw the path of deterioration our relationship took staring at a box of oranges, crying.
FUBAR. fucked up beyond repair. i thank @Soberbilly for this. It hits the point.
Now I’m home with steak & potatoes awaiting a friend late afternoon for a marvellous dinner. And I’m grateful I don’t ask myself anymore why this (quality time) wasn’t doable in our marriage. I know the answer, it’s the same for everything: He doesn’t care. The End.
Thanks for letting me get this out. Feel a lot better now and rest a bit before I start cooking.
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Vent all you need to, I certainly do! Fucking game playing sucks! I can even imagine the level of frustration and fuckery that would happen if I walked out on my husband. Too late for me, but you have a lot of life ahead, stay strong (and funny:face_with_hand_over_mouth:). 
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Im affected by my son…he is 23 years old. An adult. But gosh its hard for me. Ive set boundaries as of now. But in my mind i still want to know if hes okay or where he is. I stopped helping him because he was not listening or taking my help into consideration. I just figered i cant help someone who doesnt wanna be helped. I rarely keep in comtact with him. If i do hes always asking for money. Which i stopped giving him. Idk… i do need to attend a al anon
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YES - he has taken advantage of your sweet heart for way too long. I am grateful that you are able to come here and vent. We are here to listen whenever you need. It was good that you listened to your voice and got yourself to the farm so you could witness this today. I do hope that you are able close this case once and for all and keep him out of your life.
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Its got to be hard with a child as i know the motherly instincts kick in and can make it hard to keep the boundaries. Al Anon is a great idea… I have not personally gone but do know many who have benefited.
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