My husband has a lot of health issues, autoimmune disease that he has to take scary medication for, eye pressure problems that he has to have surgery for and takes 4 different eye drops. He just received a new eye drop a week or so ago and started feeling exhausted, enough to take 2 to 3 hour naps after work. We read the side effects and that’s the cause. He stopped taking them Saturday……which is scary, because this was a last resort until surgery on April 25th. He felt better Saturday and Sunday and didn’t drink Friday or Saturday. Last night he went to the neighbors house, his drinking buddy, and got wasted AGAIN. I have talked to him about his daily drinking and how it affects his health and makes his health problems so much worse. He says it doesn’t and he keeps check on all of his bloodwork and liver functions……REALLY???
My dad died of cirrhosis at age 48. I don’t want to go through that again with my husband. I am at my wits end. I know it’s not my problem and I can’t control anything he does. We are 2 years away from retirement. What is our life going to be in retirement? I have read everyone talking about going to AL Anon to deal with their addicted loved one. I don’t know if I want to do that anymore. I love him but I have to love myself when I am with him, and I don’t. I live in fear.
I understand. My husband had to have a liver biopsy and has stage 4 cirrhosis and smokes cigarettes and pot. Gosh, just typing this is hard. He continues to drink. We have our first grandchild coming in June, I just don’t understand why he cannot make an effort. Stay strong.
You stay strong too. 
I just wanted to send a big compassionate hug to this whole thread dealing with loved ones who drink. You are heroes, because there’s no way I think I could have the strength to be around it. Al anon or not. Hugs and love to you all. 
Hey Eric,
How was the trip? Is the house everything you wanted?
Aww. Thanks for thinking of me.
We love it! It’s going be great! ODAAT.
I posted on the gratitude thread this morning.
Thanks again for thinking of me.
I hope you are well.
Oh an we have a beautiful Cali garden.
I’m so grateful.
Just popping in for a vent before bed. I’ve been working out after work more lately which means I am extra sleepy at night. On nights that my husband drinks (all of them) this makes communication tough.
He’ll pop into the bedroom to tell me something he thinks is interesting and I listen politely. If my response sounds flat or uninterested (some of the stuff I am just nodding along with to humor him) we have the “I’m sorry for bothering you” (him) “no, I’m just tired” (me) back and forth. It could be much worse, there could be yelling or violence. I just wonder why I am so okay with this low level of connection.
It is hard to feel connected to someone who has had drinks. We have 3 days off together a month and those are really the only days that we are on the same level. Those days are FUN! We have great dinners, lovely talks, watch movies and go for long walks. We connect. The other 27 days a month are harder.
Just venting. If you are sharing a house with a drinker tonight I feel your pain. Thanks for the space as always. 🩷
I’s because you can’t have high level communication with a person under the influence.
I am in the same situation. Sometimes he doesn’t even remember what we talked about. It’s a lonely life most of the time. Hugs to you 
Yep. That’s it right there. Sending hugs back. 🩷
I echo @Jeannie0915 and I feel with you both @TrustyBird and @Jeannie0915
I will never forget how lonely and loveless it felt beside my drinking husband. No real communication, not remembering, being annoyed/pissed/hurt/content when sober me withdraw from his drunken ignorance … it’s lonely, it hurts, they don’t listen nor understand anything you talk about. Sending hugs and giving myself hugs too, it still hurts
Its odd to remember that I was recently that drunk person too. Always pushing away, angrily fighting and never remembering the night before. It is better in my skin these days so that is where I’ll stay. Sending you healing hugs too @erntedank. 🩷🩷🩷🩷 A heart for you and one for each of the kitties.
Oof, I think it’s a full moon or something. Sending hugs, @Jeannie0915 @TrustyBird @erntedank. It sucks to feel this way. Good thing we know where to find comfort
Had a moment myself just now. Dad was over to drop something of. I asked him whether he thought about where to go for our planned weekendtrip (it was a birthday present to him). He told me, he doesn’t think he can spare a couple of days this YEAR!! And his wife wouldn’t be happy if he’d be gone so much, because, well, he already booked so many vacation weeks so he can’t be gone another night. THIS YEAR! So lets put it on hold until… well, he doesn’t know…
Not gonna lie, I cannot find a way to not take this personal. That f*ing hurt. 
Happy I found a place to scream into the void.
Welcome to the void … join us screaming!
Thank you 
I’m grateful I remember every day of my life and I’m even more grateful angry me has retired. It’s difficult to differenciate between what my ex’s behaviour (or mostly lack of it) contributed to anger, rage and fury and what my own codependent patterns, helplessness, lack of seeing a better future, longing for love & connection caused resentments, fights and wishful thinking. To be honest I’m grateful this shit is over, I couldn’t live like that beside my ex anymore, especially as I came to the conclusion that his love for me was long gone, I didn’t sense any anymore. Still chewing that he never had the balls to frankly tell me: I don’t love you anymore. Fuck it.
This is such a wise statement. We really are only in charge of ourselves. I’m glad you removed yourself. He is on his own now.
@Pandita that really stinks and I think your Dad deserves to know that it hurts your feelings. Any chance for an open conversation about it?
Does he make a point those three days that y’all are off together not to drink?
Everybody working, long hard days, schedules that is hard for all.
Regardless, whether he is or is not drinking on those three days, I wonder if you say how much you appreciate those three days and the interaction with him and suggest that y’all have an evening a week that is kind of like that an evening or a meal or something where you have more of the “happy time”
together
If it entails him not drinking then so be it.
I realize you are not in control of him and you cannot tell him what to do. OK. Possibly you could say how much you enjoy the three days that y’all have together and maybe you could squeeze in a few hours of that one time a month extra and then …
Yes. I am a recovering alcoholic, doing my best to be recovering anyway, and I have dealt with many different types of addicts, with more extreme addictions than my own my whole life. It’s a sad thing to witness good people become terrible people and it just tears apart bonds and you’re basically watching them waste their life away and you can’t do anything to stop them besides encouraging but even then its hard to be around someone miserable especially when you’re trying to stay sober yourself.
Hey Bird.
Sorry bout the circumstances but still nice to see you popping in over here. I believe we have a special kind of loneliness. We aren’t alone In the physical sense. We have someone and it’s just a different kind of loneliness. Sometimes it really hurts me.
For me. It’s because I love her. I can’t picture my life without my alcoholic. It’s our life. She has this disease. And it sucks! Sucks big time!
I’m safe. I’m comfortable. I’m learning so much more about myself and what I can control and how I look at things. In life in general. Not just with my alcoholic. Both my recoveries have help me grow into this person I’m learning to like. Maybe even love someday.
But just like in sobriety some days are really hard.
I’m glad you stopped by for a vent. I know you know I get it. And it feels good to know we are not alone.
We have such a good time on our adventures especially in the daytime before she drinks. Someone shared the other day at Al-Anon about someone who passed away because of this disease recently. It hit her hard. I think it was an uncle or something like that. She shared she’s doesn’t ever want to feel sorry she didn’t someone enough. Or something like that. She said it better. Anyway…. I was driving home the other day in Cali with some sandwiches and I was thinking 
All I got to do is love her. Some days it’s hard. But that’s all I get to do.
I know this has been posted a couple years ago but I just joined. I can definitely relate to your post. I was mainly a binge drinker as well and my husband drinks more often than I do and most of the time his more frequent drinking has led to stronger drugs. I have done recovery on and off and so has he but now that we have two small children, I am just so sick of the addiction and I have decided to be sober and he has seen me struggling with all of this. He does the same “It’s Friday” or “ I have been at work all day…”, it makes me feel extremely resentful because, to me, it does feel like he is choosing drinking over me and the kids. Even though to him he says he still goes to work everyday and comes home, it still feels like he is choosing it because it has and is causing so many issues in our marriage and family and he keeps trying to have his addiction and this “happy family” and they just don’t mix. I know your post was older and I was wondering how you learned to deal with that. And if you did feel a lot of resentment, how did you deal with it? I can feel myself starting to despise him deep down and I don’t like feeling that way
This is a very good idea. Its amazing the amount of things I let bother me that I’ve never put into words. Speaking my mind can only help.
Last night we had a good night. I worked a crazy long shift and he made me late-night fake chicken nuggets and we laughed and caught up. He had had drinks. Right before I went off to bed he mentioned that he’s been thinking about quitting smoking cigarettes. I quit last year and I hope that is part of the motivation.
I know this isn’t a definite but a seed has been planted. 