Ah man… congratulations on your 2 year al Anon anniversary 
. Sure have come a long way in this short time. Should be super proud of your growth!
Wasn’t sure if it’s 2 marbles or a bunch of em so here is a few from me to you 
So happy to be on this journey with you Dazerfriend
Congrats to you, Eric. A day late and a dollar short, but just want to say you have been so helpful with this thread. I appreciate you!
Yes, I can only agree with @Pattycake. You have been leading by example here and I greatly appreciate your input. It has helped me a lot 
Congrats on your recovery, your growth in the last two years has been huge. I am grateful I get to be a witness of it. Love you twinnie. 
This is gold! I say the same about AA. We are so lucky to have these programs available to us and they’re FREE. Who would have thunk?! 
Congratulations on your Al-Anon anniversary! 
Sorry I’m late to your party
It’s time for me to go to counseling again. I fantasize about leaving my husband often. And when I play it through my head I realize how hard it would be to live alone. At my age, almost 70. And I feel stuck. My husband is more like a roommate now. And I suck at being compassionate and kind and loving all the time. I can pull it off only sometimes. And he feels my resentment, my anger, my frustration. I distance myself, try to stay busy. Then he feels dejected. But I resent that he does less and less around our place and less and less for our relationship. It is so hard to watch him drink so much wine and smoke so much pot, just to get through each day, endless channel surfing on the tv, no self care, no motivation.
His health is in decline and there are times when I think he is developing dementia. God help me, I just want to run away! We stopped having sex several years ago and he throws that in my face when we fight . He wants intimacy, but it’s hard to cuddle up next to someone when they’re drunk and don’t practice personal,hygiene,
I moved into the guest bedroom a few months ago due to increasing insomnia. I get better sleep, but that’s another distance between us.
Thanks for this place to vent. I’ll keep trying, I’ll try to focus on my own health and well being. I’ll try to keep it together and not bite the hook when he gets pissy. I’ll just keep trying. But right now, I’m giving in to my propensity to be bothered by all this shit and venting. 
I hear you
It’s awful living with a loved one who doesn’t take care of himself or relationship or household or life. It’s frustrating and an absolute lack of respect and appreciation of the partner. I disagree with all the al-anon directions. People ARE responsible and there is nothing wrong in being pissed and set consequences.
Yes, cuddling with a smelling drunk is nothing to look forward to, been there, done that, stopped it, been blamed to be cold and loveless. Had seperate bedrooms for years due to him staying always on the couch. I hurt for years, missed being loved, communication, cuddles, I missed my man. The loveless, mean drunken asshole he became was not the man I loved.
Take good care of yourself, it’s the only thing that’s 100 % up to you. Hugs & kindness to you
Thank you! 
Hey Patty
How you doing tonight? I’m so sorry to read this. Of course you’re scared at almost 70 to live alone. I’m scared to live alone at 64. I’ve actually never, in my life, lived alone. I’ve always had roommates or girlfriends or my 40 years of marriage. It’s frightening even just thinking about it. I’ve thought many times, “I’ve had it with this fucking shit!” “I’m out!”
But truthfully I don’t feel like that is an option for me. And the hassle with kids, pets, houses, finances etc…… grandkids now. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck. Stuck between a rock and an hard place. And it’s impossible for me to want to be romantic with my wife. That hasn’t happened forever. I gave up trying. It’s sad. And It’s a shitty situation we are in.
I’m working my Al-Anon program and it’s bringing me back to sanity. And I’m learning I can be happy living with my alcoholic loved one.
I was going to make a separate post for this part but I think I’ll stick it here.
I want to make sure people reading this know.
As much as I appreciate your situation @erntedank and you 
made the right decision for you.
There are no “Al-Anon Directions.” It’s a twelve step program exactly like AA. And people are definitely responsible for their actions and consequences. I’ve listened to many people who have left their loved ones. And many people stay. In Al-Anon we can only share our own experiences strength and hope. No one ever tells us what to do.
I found a lot of hope in Al-Anon. I kept looking for hope in my wife to quit drinking. Now I look back. That was ridiculous. I had to find hope in myself. I found that in the rooms of Al-Anon. And spiritually? After a while I found going to meetings filled my spiritual tank. I couldn’t get enough.
It’s so hard. I’ve been bitching about how hard it is for over a year. And I’m finally getting it. And it’s been 2 weeks now and I really need a meeting. And things are pretty good. Well. Not presently. She’s had too much to drink tonight.
It’s a disease. There is only one cure for this disease. Not to drink. Or DOC. I can’t do a thing. I’m powerless over people, places and things. All I can do, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not is take care of myself.
This whole family disease thing sucks!! Sucks big time!! But I’m going to be ok, no mater what happens.
The alcoholic has 3 choices:
Institutions, death or recovery.
I have the same options.
I choose recovery.
Al-Anon
Edit @Pattycake
I have a therapist now too.
And I had a sponsor in Scottsdale.
And friends I could call if I needed to.
Wow, thanks Eric! I’m feeling better. I know my struggle is within. My codependent nature is challenging! I am so grateful I can vent here to people who really can relate.
Attitude is so important, isn’t it? Letting go of expectations, embracing the challenge of being my own person, having gratitude for what I have.
I never lived alone for any length of time either. Once for maybe two months, and then a few years later, another few months. Not enough time to be an independent self sufficient woman. I can look back and wish things turned out differently, but that’s useless! Better to put energy into dealing with the here and now.
At this age, I’m not about to ditch all that we built together because of his addictions, or my codependency. Besides, I couldn’t bear to leave the 
! We don’t have a lot of time left on this earth. Gotta make the best of it! Much love to you:heart:
This might be a tense week. Husband has a convention of pork producers in town (he’s a bartender) and on the first night of the convention some classy fellow peed directly on the bar floor while blacked out drunk. Lesson one for why I don’t drink anymore, no more blackouts.
I am working four 12 hour shifts this week in addition to my other 2 days of work so I am already planning on being tired.
Husband arrived home drunk and morose about his life choices which is probably a natural consequence of mopping up another grown man’s urine puddle. Reason number two I don’t drink, I don’t have to be near drunks.
Now husband is wandering around the tiny place we live muttering to himself. He swings from “thanks Em, you’re so kind” to “we never have fun anymore” and at the moment I cannot seem to care. Reason three I don’t drink, drunks are annoying and I was, ultimately, annoying when I drank.
Sober me is healthier, happier, and headed in the right direction for some really fantastic sober growth. Husband is 30 lbs overweight, often unhappy and with a prominently chipped tooth that he won’t fix due to neglect.
I really hope that my husband decides to change but I fear he won’t. We have lost 10? friends/acquaintances in the span of our relationship to alcoholism. I fear his body will start to give out soon. He is 50 to my 45.
I really am not headed anywhere particular with this just getting all my thoughts down. If anyone is tempted today know that there is drunk old farmer in Iowa who is going to wake up tomorrow and probably laugh about peeing on a bar floor. Drunks suck, no thanks. Good night all. I’m keeping my head down this week.
Hugs to you, you are safe where you are at least in your own resolve and nest of good practice.
Or maybe, we don’t agree so much on what “fun” really is anymore…
I dunno, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only around here who thinks you’d be a ton o’ fun to hang out with.
It’s hard, two people wanting to connect but in such drastically different ways.
You’re already doing this, so you don’t need to hear it from me, but just keep doing you, facing towards that “healthier, happier, and headed in the right direction for some really fantastic sober growth” you. Mighty exciting stuff!
Big hugs.
I guess it’s been awhile since I posted here. With this move I’m lucky if I know what month it is. Never mind what day it is.
Anyway. Same ol same ol over here. I’m not naive enough to think this move would change anything. But we did have a nice honeymoon for a while. But the beast is back.
I have been to a few Al-Anon meetings since the move. It’s kind of hard starting over. The Scottsdale meetings were run so well. And after 2 years under my belt I kind of got to know people and make friends. Good recovery friends.
I didn’t want to start going to 7-8 meetings a week again. So I’m taking it slowly.
But why the fuck do I care so much? Why do I feel like I’m the only one who cares? And that my friends, is exactly why I need to get my ass back in the seats of Al-Anon or AA.
I was listening to the Al-Anon Speakers app this morning.
I listened to Tom W. Got just what I needed of course. It got me thinking.
There are tons of people in Al-Anon that work the AA program. I hear it’s a running joke that AA gets some of its best people from Al-Anon 
It’s a 12 step program. And it’s a great program for me. But every meeting I go to there is always. ALWAYS! Someone who says they work that other program as well.
Anyway. We are all trying to recover the best we can. If you are worried about someone’s drinking. Or frustrated because you have no control over people places or things. Then Al-Anon could help.
I really enjoyed this speaker Tom. If anyone is interested. I especially enjoyed part 2.
Why do I care so much? Why do I always feel I’m the only one who cares?
Anyway. Just thought I’d shared. Listening to these speaker tapes or whatever you call them has given me hope this morning. Where I could have just been sad and depressed. And played the victim card. But I don’t do that anymore. Instead I got to put that oxygen mask on first and get back to taking care of me first.
I’m powerless over my wife’s drinking.
I can and do find hope when I got to meetings. Hopefully I’ll get my ass in a seat tonight at 7.
Love you guys
Did yah?
Nope 
↔
But thanks for askin 
Ran out of time 
Thanks Eric for sharing. Hope YOU are adjusting to the move. I plan to give this a listen, ODAAT on all fronts. All the best, 
Thank you.
What a sweet message.
Appreciate it.
You got a lot going on and i’m glad that you are finding time through it all to for yourself and your recovery.
It does suck to have to start over with new groups but you are a lovable seasoned fellow with great wisdom to share. I am sure you will have no problem finding a new meeting home (so to speak). I am sure you can also reach out via zoom to your old group so reconnect and get some familiarity.
I love it! ;Heart: Keep pushing forward friend - you are doing an amazing job in all your recoveries!
Husband came home drunk and is actually rather angry, which is rare for him.
I’ve set my “you’ve had too many drinks for us to talk” boundary and he is making some food. Hopefully that sobers him up. Drunks suuuuuuck!
Tomorrow we will talk about this but tonight is not the night husband.
