I hear you loud and clear.
I haven’t been able to navigate the grey (in sibling, codependent relationships), let alone metabolise it. For now, it’s still all about safeguarding wellbeing with distance.
Thank you for putting this all into words as you have. 
Much for me to learn and practice. 
Gonna go deadlift a second cup of coffee. (Setting realistic goals today!)
I’m late to this, but just wanted to say I am so sorry that happened to you and that you had to deal with such a difficult situation over the holidays. You are so strong and shown so much strenght of character in how you handled the situation. 
Yes, my fiancé passed from it. Wish there was still a way to help him.
Well, this turned into one hell of a night. I broke a cardinal rule . I crossed the line by gently asking my husband if he thought perhaps the weed he has been smoking every day might have some negative impact on his mental state. Of course he didn’t take it well! And this is on top of the fact he’d been drinking wine all day and had had several tokes. What a stupid thing to do, trying to have an honest conversation about such a sensitive topic , in the condition he is in!
I tried to apologize but of course it got ugly, he accused me of being impatient and manipulative, and told me in no uncertain terms that I need to back off, I just make him feel worse . It’s true.I do need to back off, I am impatient. I need to focus on myself and let go of worrying about him. It’s so damn hard sometimes. Just venting. And crying a little.
ah man Patricia I know that is hard to do. Sending you comfort and love. Here if you need to vent more - crying it out can be therapeutic. 
Don’t beat yourself up! It’s your home too. And your mental state too. And your concern for him - all good reasons to try to have a conversation.
Daze will have some wise words. I bring hugs for you, sweet friend.
Ya that probably wasn’t a good idea. I done that before or similar with wifey’s drinking. It’s like what the hell am I doing? And it’s already too late. And we all know better too. It just happens sometimes. But it’s certainly happening less and less.
As a matter of fact wifey brought up her drinking today. I thought I did ok. But it still didn’t go all that well. But I did keep my end short and thought much before responding.
If you don’t beat yourself up too much that’s a win.
Shits hard.
Man, I am so grateful I have you folks and this safe place to vent! Tomorrow is another day and I will do my best, thanks, @JazzyS and @M-be-free49 and @Dazercat . I really appreciate your support and love!
You had every right to bring it up but it just might not have been as well received as it could have due to the timing.
I just sat through a conversation with my husband where it would have been very freeing to yell “but you are currently drunk” as he went on about how obnoxious drunks can be. Instead I put myself to bed.
You are not alone. Sending hugs.
@Pattycake @TrustyBird
Sending you hugs
Of course you have the right to adress the issue, no need to justify or excuse your behaviour.
Of course the timing for expressing your feelings and concerns is not the best when the partners are intoxicated. I understand that sometimes we HAVE to say something. You are doing so well with focussing on your sobriety. Be kind to yourself, it’s ok to get frustrated sometimes. Hugs and chin up dear friends 
Thanks, hugs right back! As Eric says, this shit is tough!
Thanks. I do struggle with what my rights really are here. On the one hand, I’m supposed to be patient and hope and pray he sees the light and will realize that his substance use is having a direct negative impact on his mental health. But on the other hand…
Sigh.
But so are we. 🩷
Damn straight, girl!
Good morning to all, and I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve been trying hard to practice compassionate detachment since my little episode with hubby last week. Last night he told me he’s never felt this way before, never had this experience, and doesn’t know what to . ( as he takes another toke! ) I waffled between incredulity and deep sadness that he cant see he’s suffering from addiction. But I just listened. So yippee for me. these past months of watching him slowly slide deeper and deeper have been so hard. I have to keep reminding myself of my own journey, and keep focusing on myself. I have to believe he will one day figure it out. Maybe one day he’ll try not drinking for a while to see if it helps.
“A more compassionate way to respond to those I love might be to allow them to face the consequences of their actions, even when it will cause them pain.” (Excerpt From Courage to Change Al-Anon Family Groups)
Anyway… this is my little bit for today. Love to all 
And cause us pain. Because we love them so much
Great job Patty. Keep practicing that.
I’m learning for me, to aim for progress not perfection.
So true, Eric! Thanks!! Aiming for progress, not perfection. That is so important!.
Ah, thank you for sharing this. This really resonated with me today and is just, what I needed to read. I struggle a lot with keeping boundaries in place and seeing an addicted loved one suffer and in pain is a pretty good way to bring them down fast. Usually at my expense. Framing it as unhelpful for both of us makes it easier.
Fuck addiction. 