Welp, Iām back here for the 100th time. Iāve been drinking pretty much every day for about 2 years. Typically a bottle of wine. Before that I drank heavily on the weekends. I really cannot go on like this. I am terrified for my health. I started going to the gym recently and eating more clean but Iām still very scared that I did irreversible damage. Iām hoping this fear is the kick in the pants that I need. I feel the need to apologize for failing so many times at sobriety over the years.
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So glad youāre back with us. So, is it time to admit that you are powerless when it come to alcohol? Below is a post from Aug 2020 from you:
āEvery time I think I can control it, my life descends into chaos for months until I can get back on track again.ā
Now, here we are today. Today is what truly matters. Not so much about how we got here, as we all fucking drank/used too much too many times & at a point it became an addiction.
I recommend you read that post every day when you get up to remind you what will happen again and again if you pick up. Stay away from it and a healthy you will grow! Get involved and stick with a program that works for you and the mental obsession will be lifted!
Iām saying it like your life depends on it.
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Whatās the longest youāve been sober for if you have?
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I agree w what @Smitty97 says and to use what has worked for you in the past w an acute awareness and plan for what has not worked.
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I am planning on meeting with an addictions counsellor. Something I havenāt done before. Iāve accepted defeat. I canāt do this on my own. Thank you for digging up that quote from my past. Sad to see not much has changed.
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I honestly canāt remember anymore. Maybe a couple of weeks. No more than 3 Iād say. I always find an excuse to āunwindā at the end of the day.
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When that thinking happens you have to think of something healthy to do instead. Replace with healthy behavior. These are good things to go over with your addiction counselor and therapist and if you start going to meetings.
Without looking back Iām not sure if Iām correct that you have both of those or not. There is a meditation thread on here that would be helpful with people suggestions of what to listen to on Insight Timer and other apps, if you scroll further up thereās more info. If you were able and feel like participating there are exercise groups on the site. They tend to start at the beginning of the month but thereās ones that you can join in anytime. Thereās lots on the site that will help you including the gratitude post. These every day routine things to do help a lot. You want to be able to fill up your old drinking time with new healthy behavior.
Talking about how you feel, being accountable about your sobriety hopefully your success and not your fails, even though fails are very much a part of it some of the time. Talking about it is very helpful especially if youāre talking to a group who have and are walking through a similar path. Iām glad that youāre familiar with the site, you will be able to find yourself around and find some of these groups and threads that Iām talking about.
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Not too many live and somehow do it alone. The others are locked up or covered up.
Acceptance is the answer I needed too. Then a plan on how to live differently. I do it every day and it just works. A simple program for a simple drunk. Hugs & see ya around!
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What are you doing on a daily basis to seek outside support for your sobriety?
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Yet your last post was 7 months ago.
What have you been trying, seriously trying to get and stay sober? The mute wish itself wonāt get you there. And simply not drinking willl also not be enough.
Engaging, reading and posting here is a major asset in early and later sobriety. Would be a good starting point.
Here are some things that have helped other ppl who did them: Resources for our recovery
Here is what folks with long term sobriety can pass on: Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Good luck. It can be done. But you gotta do something.
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Welcome back on here 
best of luck. I find here very helpful with the support and advice etc and Iāve relapsed many times too but found my way back here too. Coming up on 24 days now. One day at a time
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You can do this. And try not to be to scared to face the truth about your health by hiding behind a bottle. You can have a sober life and you can have a healthy mind and body. You donāt need to apologise to anyone. But you do need acceptance and know you deserve better and to work on that daily. Get all the support you can and take it slowly. Wishing all the best
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I also went back and read your old posts and you have used the word āhopeā multiple times over the 5+ years since you joined this app, itās a painful read and one Iām familiar with, I āhopedā for a long time I could control/manage my alcohol, I āhopedā I would not further damage my health, I āhopedā things would just change without having to really do anything. It took things to get really bad to realise I had to change everything.
Getting sober is hard work and not many people do this solo. Try everything, listen to those who have recovery time up their sleeve, get involved.
Iām glad you have not given up 
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So glad you are back. Iām so glad I never gave up. I canāt add anything, just reinforce that nothing changes if nothing changes. Whatever you havenāt tried in your past attempts (AA or other sober community meetings, rehab, etc.) need to be added to your recovery plan to have a shot at success. Getting sober doesnāt have to be done alone. I really loved my sober communities from day one.
Donāt let another 5 years go by still imprisoned by alcohol.
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Try a meeting make it simple meet new sober friends who have been were you are now wish you well. have to make a effort if you want sobriety
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So glad you keep coming back though! You obviously know what you need to do, and you have some fight in you. Time to really accept that you have a problem. Like really accept it. Accepting is a huge step because it isnāt just admitting you are powerless to this problem- itās also finding your power to face head-on something to which you are defenseless. The only way you do that is with an arsenal of tools. It isnāt enough to just want to be sober. You have to work at it every minute of the day because that voice always creeps in and tells you itās time to unwind and you can just have one and one drink or one day doesnāt hurt. This time around I am trying to keep it simple. I accepted my problem and found a great power in simplicity. My number one tool is that I never question my decision to not drink. No matter what I end up telling myself. I never question that decision. Everything else stems from that numero uno tool. And I like the poetry of admitting I was powerless and then finding power in making the decision to not pick up. I like the power of committing to it no matter what. Find your number one power- the thing you cannot question or talk yourself out of any time- and hammer it down. If you donāt know where to start or where to get the tools, read up the posts here, go to meetings, and find the people with the tools you can take and use immediately.
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You will be soooooooo much happier if you quit! Good luck! You can do it!
Its really good to see you! Im sorry uv been struggling but im so glad ur back and fighting for sobriety again
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Great to see you back. Take it ODAAT. 
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An old timer once said to me
āThe gym and diet wonāt fix what is wrong with you, but it might make you a bit lighter for the guys carrying you into the churchā
Hit home that one.
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