So last night I went to a Smith & Myers concert, I stayed sober & I had a great time.
The only thing that kind of sucked was that I felt like I was a bit left out with everyone else drinking… My fiancé had a few beers which was fine, I said I didnt mind & it’s not like he got drunk… but our friends that met us came straight from 2 hours at a bar… & they were DRUNK. and it felt like they didn’t know how to include me bc I’m not drinking…
And when they went around giving 21+ wristbands I said no thanks… the lady looked at me surprised and asked if I was under 21, bc I dont look it. I said no, but that my ID was in the car & it wasnt worth it to go get it since I’m not drinking. She looked at me in even more awe now & asked me like 3 times if I was sure. When she finally gave up & walked away, the guy we made friends with in line turned and said “wow, you’re lame huh?” I just laughed it off and luckily my fiancé stepped in and said “no, but she’s driving so she’s staying sober”… obviously I’m staying sober for other reasons, but that one generally gets people to shut up bc they then feel guilty about drinking and driving… but it was just an odd situation.
I guess I haven’t learned exactly how to respond to that question of “you’re not drinking?” Or “why aren’t you drinking?” yet… I don’t care about telling my friends that it’s bc I have a problem with it, but do I really need to inform every stranger too? How do you guys deal with it?
It depends on the person and how open I’m feeling at the moment. I’ve said anything from the FULL truth to no thanks, I don’t drink, doesn’t agree with me, personal preference, I like me much better without alcohol, health reasons or allergies, it’s got no place in my life, I’m trying to be the best version of me I’ve got and I want to remember it, no early grave for me thanks. It’s all true really but varying depths to it depending on my audience and if I want to continue the conversation, which I normally don’t lol.
I would say not many can help you here. as many of us avoid these people and not make it a habit. Your early in recovery so avoiding these situations all together and making different plans would be a better choice.
You never have to justify your reason for it. Tell them to suck it next time. Last night my husband and I went to dinner and his long time friend was actually our server. He asked if we were having wine and I responded that we didnt drink. It felt great.
I think it’s just one of those things that takes practice to get used to. I still feel a bit like an alien when surrounded by people drinking. I don’t miss drinking, but it feels so apparent that I am operating on a bit of a different wavelength in those scenarios than those around me. I still have real difficulty “letting loose/loosening up” without alcohol, I’m just not that guy right now. I just think it takes practice. I will keep trying, and I hope you do too.
Also, the hell with that guy that called you lame, even if it was in jest. He’s got a hangover and maybe some regrets today, and you don’t.
Good on you for your sobriety!! What an asshat that guy was to call you lame. I would have told him at least I won’t have a shit ass hangover like you tomorrow.
It can suck hanging out with drunk people, they are so 1 dimensional and BORING. Hopefully you enjoyed the show and did lots of dancing. I hope too that you get to the place where you realize how LUCKY you are to be sober, clear headed, regret and hangover free the next day. It is SO liberating. And if your friends cannot get with the program of being okay around a sober person, their loss. There are plenty of fun sober or non problem drinker people in the world. Nothing says you can’t make some new friends.
We had a work Christmas party where everyone got 2 drink tickets. When I declined the tickets it was “really?”, “are you sure?”, and “hey, give those extra tickets to me!”. Sooo frustrating. People just don’t know how to socialize without alcohol. Hey, I didn’t before. Actually, I would have been the one asking for the extra tickets PLUS hiding a bottle of wine somewhere at my desk so I could keep refilling!!
But be proud of yourself. You’ll have great memories of the show. There will be so many people who’s only memory will be “I was soooo wasted”.
I did something similar at a baseball game this summer. Signed up at a designated driver booth, this time I had the wristband, but I swear the bear guy knew my history and it took until the 5th inning for him to skip over me. Bonus note, besides being sober, I won tickets for a game this year.
Thanks for all the input guys! I guess it’s something that will come with time. I dont want to have to avoid those situations because of my sobriety bc I’m not going to miss out on concerts and events just because I dont drink anymore. I want to experience those things sober, it’s just going to take some getting used to to the on the receiving end of that question. And now I cant believe I used to be that asshole who always asked “what? You dont drink?” As if that meant you had a third head or something. I’m realizing I’m going to have to choose my company more wisely for those events though…
You just have to feel sorry for people who are so enslaved by alcohol that they can’t conceive of not drinking. You’re evolving. Just focus on that, not on how your growth makes other people uncomfortable.
Amen to that! Used to feel like the life of the party when I was drunk, now I just see how dreadfully boring I was.
Someone wants to call me lame for not drinking, that’s cool. I don’t really care what others think. If they gotta drink to enjoy the show, well enjoy! I get to enjoy everything sober, no magic elixir needed.
Exactly, I enjoyed the show even more sober than all the shows I went to and drank. & it definitely makes me realize how much of an asshole I looked like when I was that drunk girl. I’m so embarrassed for my past self… but proud of my current self & confident in my future self!
I open up when I feel like it’s helping myself or the person who ask it. My friends and family know I have a problem with alcohol. Not that I say I am a alcoholic. But I say I have drank enough alcohol for the rest of my life and that’s why my brakes aren’t working (the brakes that tell you it’s enough after 2 drinks ).
Sometime I meet someone who I see has a alcoholproblem too. If we have a conversation about why I don’t drink I’m honest about it because I hope it will help that person to become sober too.
When I don’t feel like open up, I tell I don’t drink because I don’t like alcohol
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