Oh, its everywhere in chunks. I have been active here since before my pregnancy. The long and short of the story is that before I got sober I collected a felony child neglect charge for having my son in the car for my only DUI. My boyfriend at the time watched a lot of the worst part of my addiction follow that charge and subsequent custody cases as I lost both of my kids and struggled to get them back. I got my girl back. The relationship suffered but wouldn’t end. I couldn’t take responsibility to end it would be more accurate probably, but whatever. We were on the rocks big time as I came up on 6 months sober after years of fighting for any real sober time. I refused to answer his phone calls or texts. One day he drove to my house as I happened to be walking home so I couldn’t not answer the door or pretend I didn’t see him. He looked worried. The way I used to drink, if I had relapsed, I could have fallen in the shower with my kid in there slowly starving or something. I assumed he was pissed because I was. It tugged my heart strings a little too much. He talked. We more than talked. The next day I decided to be proactive in fact checking some things I knew were lies, even though I wanted to believe them in the moment they were said. We didn’t speak again until I told him about the baby when I found out about it. He assumed this was something I planned and I was upset because I didn’t pick the day he showed up and I can’t ovulate at will. I am not a perfect follower of my faith. I only got baptised in 2015 but he knows I go to church and how I feel about abortion yet he pushed on that hard despite an agreement before we became intimate that abortion is not a choice for my mistakes. Anyhow, we haven’t spoken since Sept. I thought I had made better choices but I am 37 having a baby under the circumstances of a stupid teenager. It is all very humiliating although no one in my life through AA or my church judges me. I just feel stupid I fell for some of what he fed me. It was all so amature but I ate it up.
Oh man. I’m so sorry! Sometimes life just falls apart around you. I think that the mistakes we make end up turning out for our good. This baby might be the greatest thing to ever happen to you. I don’t know.
Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
This is not a Bible verse but I even loved it when I was not convinced of God back then:
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”
Footsteps is a great poem! Used to have a bookmark with it on it.
“I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.” Psalm 37:25
You’re welcome;I try
I Corinthians 10:13 basically there is nothing new. Someone has faced what you are facing now. With faith God will show you a way out.
Scripture taken from the Book of Mormon.
2 Nephi 1:13 O that ye would awake; awake from a deep sleep, yea, even from the sleep of hell, and shake off the awful chains by which ye are bound, which are the chains which bind the children of men, that they are carried away captive down to the eternal gulf of misery and woe.
So I’m a Mormon struggling with an eating disorder, and this is from some of the MOrmon scriptures (which basically say to eat a wholesome diet and avoid drugs and alcohol):
“And all…who remember to keep and do these sayings…shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.”
I love the belief that if we can give up addictive things, we can have all this!!
D&C 89! Wonderful scripture!
A scripture from the Book of Mormon that applies well to us addicts.
2 Nephi 26:22
And there are also secret combinations, even as in times of old, according to the combinations of the devil, for he is the founder of all these things; yea, the founder of murder, and works of darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.
Another reading today from the Book of Mormon, I thought applied to us well. 2 Nephi 28:21-22
21 And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.
22 And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance.
1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
6 For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
Psalm 1 KJV
Sometimes you got to get back to the roots.
“A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump” Galatians 5:9 KJV