I may be a little different to some. I don’t actually drink on a daily basis but have a bad binge drinking habit at the weekends which leads me to feel riddled with anxiety and depression on a Sunday until mid week. At 27, I just can’t seem to grasp the whole moderation thing. I have tried soft drink in between alcoholic beverages, sticking to 4 drinks, no spirits etc but nothing works for me and my mum is also an alcoholic so I am worried I am following in her footsteps. I also get crazy drunk in situations when there is just no need for it, like a casual dinner party etc. I think the only option for me at this time is to go completely cold turkey. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and if so, how have you felt since giving it up?
On day one after a heavy weekend and feeling hopeful this will help my mental health and insecurities!
Hello, Nat and welcome to the forum! There is a lot of hope here, and many stories of success in getting and staying sober. If you keep an open mind, you will be sure to find much you can relate to your own circumstances.
I struggled for years because I compared myself to an ideal in my head of a “real” alcoholic. I often came up short of identifying my problem because my frequency of drinking was not so much, or the amount I drank was less, or my losses were not as severe. What I know now is that I was merely justifying my drinking and allowing myself to continue in my addiction.
Sobriety is an individual journey. What I have seen in common across those people who are successful is a fundamental dedication to sobriety, to not drinking no matter what. These people, without exception, have sought help from something larger and stronger than themselves. Some use AA or Smart Recovery, some use therapy, some use medication. Many use physical activity or training. All of them practice sobriety every day.
I got sober by not drinking. I did this one day after another, from the time I awoke until I went to bed at night. I used counseling, medication, and AA to get sober. I use this forum and AA and daily spiritual practice and frequent physical training to stay sober.
Hey Nat, Welcome to the forum. There are sure to be plenty of people who can give you great suggestions here.
I have battled with wine for 20 plus years. I think you are on a slippery slope - I wish I could be 27 again and change my trajectory that went from weekend binge drinking to daily drinking.
My father is also a dysfunctional alcoholic.
Do whatever you can to take a braver path than me
Read lots of the posts on here, ask questions and check in a lot. It has really helped me on the start of my journey!
I can relate to your situation. I was like that between my teenage years, all the way to approx 1,5 years ago (I’m 34 btw). Then, I started to drink more and more… alone, in hiding, etc. Hit rock bottom a couple of times, said to myself I have to stop but never actually made a real commitment until 16 days ago when I downloaded the app and started taking it more seriously. For me it was a first step in acknowledging my problem and start the road to sobriety knowing full well I can’t control my drinking anymore.
It has helped me a lot.
Visit the different topics and get familiar with others’ stories. You’ll see that the common thing is the powerlessness over alcohol. The rest are just details.
I was also a binge drinker. For years and years. I didn’t drink every day but when I went out for a drink, I went for the gold. Blackout city. At first it seemed fun and thrilling. The mystery of it all. Discovering what the hell I did the night before by examining my text messages, my call log, photos on my phone, strangers in my bed and so on. I pretended that it added fun drama to my life. This was soon replaced with shame and embarrassment and some real fuckups that I had to deal with. Regret and shame started taking over all my day-afters. I tried for years to moderate it: water after every drink, making myself eat before I went out, cutting my drinks down to just beer and by cutting down the number of nights I went out.
But I could outdo any obstacle I put in my way when it came to getting drunk. And I finally realized moderation was fiction for me. Over four and a half years ago, I had a bad fight with a good friend after a boozy brunch got predictably out of hand and I realized I needed to stop. And I did. I put down my beer mug, walked out of the bar and have not had a drink since.
My life is much easier now. My health is much better now. After I stopped drinking, I looked around at my apartment, my clothes, my life and I began cleaning it all up. I see differently now than I did when I was on the upswing of looking forward to my next drunk or on the downswing of suffering from miserable hangovers and self hatred.
I didn’t do a program. I did read a lot of books and online articles and I have found this site helpful. I stopped hanging with big drinkers and I stopped hanging in bars–though that was something I realized I just wanted to do once I stopped drinking. Bars I had loved for so long, no longer held any appeal for me. Most importantly, I finally realized that one drink, is one drink too many. If I can justify one drink, down the rabbit hole I go.
Hello, I am almost identical to your story. I’m 30 and just don’t stop once I start. I mean to but after a few I forget all about it. IMO it’s just as destructive if not worse. Laying in bed hung over and like you said feeling it for days.
Nothing works for me either. I don’t like beer but if that’s all there is, I drink it. My dad was a major alcoholic. The last few times I drank I blacked out. It’s bad news.
I just hit 30 days (I’ve had longer streaks) and my best advice is to not get over confident and never ever forget that you can’t control it. Stop trying. It’s not worth it.
Funny enough, I do use cannabis and have no problem moderating that. Too much gives me a panic attack. I can skip days no problem. People are wired differently. Don’t feel bad. Cannabis ensures I will not drink so for now anything helps.
I agree so much. Once I stop partying I look around at my messy apartment and things I’ve put off. It feels good to just be an adult and get things done. I agree the excitement is tempting. I’ve had some fun times but some very very scary ones.
One time I came out of a blackout sitting in someone’s apartment and had no idea how I got there or where. I think I went home with him because he had more alcohol. How insane is that.
Oh and I’m also a well paid professional. It’s a horrific double life. If my work knew about what I’ve done I’d be cooked.
Yep, that was me, the double life. I maintained an intense job, successfully, all the while getting shitfaced every weekend like a twenty year old (I kept this nonsense up until my mid-40’s mind you. Not cute). For me, this meant I was not an alcoholic. Couldn’t be. My weekends were my “playtime”— the part of my week life that kept me from being a regular working drone. What it did was keep me from moving forward.
Basically my story, though as long as I didn’t drink real rough stuff, or mix drinks badly, I could drink to blackout/the point of total recklessness, but not get seriously hung over. Good, eh? Not really.
Great to be able to get onto this so young - I wish I had!
Yup, binge drinking in my younger years now drinking a bottle of wine every night. I have had sobriety before and it was amazing. I have slipped back into drowning feelings with a wine glass. I feel like crap the first half of the day, but drink the wine in the late afternoon/evening. I know how to stay sober, and know I have to have support from sober people. Today is day one.
Wow. Thank you all so much. The support I feel already is amazing!
I feel that if I don’t sort myself out now, it is just going to lead to being more of a regular occurrence and I although I love my mum and she has been managing her drinking well as of late, I just don’t want my future family to go through the same heartache. Weird you would think experiencing it first hand would make you go the other way?
I have just order ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace as I have heard it is a great book for overcoming issues with alcohol. I am really hoping I can change my path and get hold of my drinking!
If you like reading I would also suggest the big book of alcoholics anonymous to help with your drinking issues. You can probably relate to a lot of the stories in there.
A quote from many a meetings:
“I didn’t drink every day, but when I did, I never knew what was going to happen or where I would end up”
“I didn’t get in trouble every time I drank, but every time I got in trouble I was drinking”
I understand what you are feeling. I am 33 years old and know that I am a binge drinker. I never drank every day, could even go 3 or 4 days with out it. But, then once I went back to it, it never stopped at one drink. Many of these people on this forum, this topic I can relate too. The feelings of regret and guilt the next day from blacking out almost every time and not remembering what happened, and why I acted the way I did to the people I love the most. Worrying most of the time if I drink tonight howis this night going to end? Many times I woke up and couldn’t believe the things I have done. I never wanted to years ago admit I have a problem because at times my binge drinking didn’t seem like a problem because I was surrounded by people who drank just like me all the time (working in hospitality as bartenders/servers/chefs/managers) we all drink heavily every day or almost every day after work. The last two years I have admitted to myself I have a problem and joined this app. It helps me to be on this app and read people’s stories and reach out to people to talk to. I have relapsed over the last two years and again recently. I went 21 days and now I am back to day 2. You took a good step by joining this app. There is plenty of people on here, keep reading and checking in. Honestly, it is what helped me when I just stayed 21 days sober. I am not giving up…you can do this!
Been there, done that. And if you read Dan’s post above (@Dejavu) that was me as well. Didn’t lose my job… hell, I don’t think I ever missed a day or called in late due to alcohol. But 1-2 drinks is an impossibility for me. “One becomes two, two becomes 20”. If you are “one of us”, then drinking in moderation is not going to work for you.
I highly recommend you read “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. It changed my life. It will help you understand your issues with alcohol and how not drinking is not the end of the world! I’m 229 days in to my sober journey and this book is an awesome first step.
And this forum is an invaluable tool. I am not a regular attender of AA meetings… everyone’s sobriety looks different. But i went from being a “weekend social binge drinker” to a 4-5 nights per week black-out drinker to the happiest sober dude you’ll find. And it’s worth the effort!
Your 27 I am 32. You need to abstain completely. I am the same, can’t stop at one or two. I have to drink til I black out. It’s alcohol abuse and we crave the booze, we have a problem. Recognition is the first base towards your sobriety journey. I have been struggling recently. I went 74 days this year and then I gave in. But in those 74 days I gained so much and I was happy for once. Its tge first few weekends are the hardest but once you get through them you start re-developing a sober body and mind. As for your anxiety, the more you do it the worse it gets aka kindling effect. Good look on your journey and welcome.
229 days! AMAZING! Well done, that is such an achievement! I feel like this is the first time I have actually felt that I want to go completely sober!
I have just ordered the book this afternoon!it should arrive tomorrow. I have read such great things and I hope it gives me the same ‘life changing experience’ as it has others .
We’re not too far off. I’m 30 and was a major binge drinker (considered myself a party boy) until last year or two, where it progressed to the point where I was hiding alcohol in the trunk, closet, drawer, and hiding coke in the bathroom.
Like you, I’ve tried to tone is down with “rules” such as only drinking beer. Drinking a glass of water after every shot, etc. But I discovered that if you have to make up rules for yourself, then you probably shouldn’t be drinking. Cause once I’m buzzed or in the “zone” all rules go out the window.
I’m 9 days no alcohol and coke and what helped me was:
-browsing this app every single day, even if I don’t post. Reading stories such as yours helps keep me in check. And when I do post, I feel responsible to stay sober and help others who are going thru the same thing.
-switch up your routine. If you do everything the same with the exception of no alcohol, then I feel it is likely that you are going to drink again. Instead of napping in my car during my work lunch (due to being tired from night before), I sit at the benches out front. Instead of going home and watch TV after work (which is associated with cracking open a beer), I go to the gym. Switching up your routine will help you not focus on not drinking. And instead, just changing your lifestyle altogether.
-learning to say no. I’ve been fortunate to be around those who don’t question me or try to peer pressure. Cause I have a really hard time saying no to ppl. If they don’t understand, just lmake up a lie, tell them youre on antibiotics or something.
Hope you find strength! Just know you’re not alone in this…
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