Day 942 : No binge today. 
Day 278: No coffee today.
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1 day and 21 hours since I’ve stopped grazing, but who’s counting? 
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I’m so proud of you! Congrats and continue the great work! I wish I get that high of a number for not grazing anymore.
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Thank you!
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You’re welcome 
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Thank you very much guys! For happy b’day wishes and support 
@Nowenbrace , @Jesile , @Aleyadaisey
I’m more and less back on track 
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Happy Birthday @Jana1988 !! You are fit, and healthy, I am glad that you were able to eat some cake on your birthday in a reasonable way! I applaud you for your learning and adherence to what you’ve learned in a way that you feel is best for you. Appreciate you sharing your ideas and thoughts on all of it. It’s helpful.
Wishing you many happy days in the year ahead and in your years going forward! Much admiration, love and friendship! Enjoy your days!
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What a lovely message 
Thank you very much @Alisa
It’s not always easy journey as we all know. But this place, and people here help lots…
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Oh, btw, I had a health check on Wednesday and the results are great! Except my blood pressure, because I couldn’t do anything better than had a doughnut, 2 chocolate cookies and coffee literally a second before I went to have the check done
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There’s lots of information in the medical literature about how many blood pressure readings in clinical settings are probably inaccurate.
To get a correct blood pressure reading they want the patient to sit still for five minutes with their back against the back of a chair or couch and their feet on the floor.
Most clinical settings this isn’t possible because everything is hurried.
If there ever is a concern about your blood pressure take your own at home twice a day for two or three weeks and average it out giving the health care provider the results.
That’s the recommendation in the literature I see.
Congratulations on the rest of it, love seeing that zero on the alcohol! Yay!
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It’s been 2 days since I’ve grazed on food. The past several hours I haven’t felt that head hunger (you think you are hungry but your mind is playing tricks on you). I make sure I’m drinking lots of water and and keep busy maintaining my daily 13,000 steps. Hopefully this feeling of not having head hunger will forever go away. But if it doesn’t, I’ll just have to keep working harder.
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That’s the attitude lady! 
Hang in there!
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Thank you so much!
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Day 943 : No binge today.
Day 279 : No coffee today.
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Hi.
I’ve had to start over several times this week and just haven’t been in a good head space of checking on here. It’s 9:35 and I just finished up writing out my 4th step to go over 4 and 5 with my sponsor in the morning. I’ve been working them again because obviously I am powerless over unhealthy foods and my obsession with eating is out of control. I’m also working with an entirely new sponsor. It has been an amazing journey and I’ve learned so much from her since October of last year.
I have been in self pity this week. Hating my life, the bad choices I keep making, myself for making the choices, the way I look, the way I feel - just hating it all. I’m easily irritated and disturbed. I constantly have this urge in the back of my head to just leave. To run. To go far far away. But I have nowhere to go nor the courage to act on the urges. I stay. In quiet desperation hoping for something to change but being resistant to the changes that I need to make on my own. My cup is empty, my heart feels broken still, I feel invisible in this world and taken for granted. It seems my failures are so much louder than any success I manage to muster. I am weary. I am so so weary. So I eat. I am faced today with the fact that 28 years ago my husband and I said “I Do” to each other with promises to love, cherish, protect, be faithful, for better or worse, in sickness or health til death do us part. But he did not keep those promises and I’m struggling today to keep up my end of the deal in this marriage. I don’t know if we can ever recover from his infidelity and the problems we had before that if he doesn’t want divorce but also doesn’t want to work towards improving things. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want what I have. But what I have is so much better than what a lot of people do have. So I guess for now I will try to be grateful that I have a home, I have all my material needs met, I have family and friends who say they love me and treat me in loving ways even though I feel absolutely unlovable at the moment, I haven’t felt the need to drink over this in 1400 days, and I’m going to end the night sober.
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Big hugs for you @crystalclear 
That’s a lot. I’m glad you’ve shared it. You are not alone here. You’ve stated a lot of what’s happened and how you feel. That’s a huge step in a good direction.
I am so glad that you came back here. I am so glad that you feel strong in your sobriety through all of this that is understandably so upsetting and disturbing. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time hopefully it will become clear to you what you can do and what you want to do. I need to get back on the not eating after 10 o’clock with you. I wish you peace in your life where you do find it and that as days go by you will be able to find more and more. I’m glad that you have the good things in your life that you do. Big big hugs again and again I’m so glad that you are here.
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Thank you for those kind words. I didn’t mention in my post that the infidelity was disclosed 8 years ago. On our 20th anniversary. So every damn year it’s like a knife in the heart again as it’s so in my face of what happened and how damaged we still are. He told me last August that he doesn’t want to work on things but he doesn’t want to split up. I don’t understand and don’t even know what I want. We make pretty good roommates. So all I know to do now is take it one day at a time like I’ve been doing and ask God for guidance. This is way above my pay grade. And I’m so acutely aware how absolutely powerless I am. Good night.
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Day 3 without grazing
I do get cravings to eat even when I’m not hungry, so I drink water instead. I’ve got this!
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Day 944 : No binge today.
Day 280: No coffee today.
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