Day 246 : No binge today. 
2 Likes
Day 247 : No binge today.
3 Likes
Day 248 : No binge today.
3 Likes
Nearly 250!
2 Likes
Indeed, Iâve made it so far! 
2 Likes
Day 249 : No binge today.
3 Likes
Day 250 : No binge today.
6 Likes
Day 251 : No binge today.
4 Likes
Day 252 : No binge today.
2 Likes
Day 253 : No binge today.
2 Likes
Day 254 : No binge today.
3 Likes
Late, but big congratulations on 250!
2 Likes
Thanks so much!
1 Like
Day 255 : No binge today.
3 Likes
Day 256 : No binge today.
2 Likes
I am a runner.
And I injured my foot last Sunday. It felt fine yesterday, so I went and ran on it and it hurts again. Feels even worse than last time. And I freaked out. What will I do now if I canât run? A horror scenario becoming trueâŚ
It is a kind of nightmare for every runner to suffer any injury. But I think itâs worse if youâre having Eating Disorder (I named mine Ed) and if youâre using excessive running like a tool to keep your calories in deficit. Which I didnât know that I am doing, because Ed has never told me about it and he persuaded me that my daily checking on calories I burned is just out of curiosity. He persuaded me that Iâm still running mainly for fun and that the running time increase is because Iâm training for a Marathon, because Iâm at the top of my performance and because I need to keep it that way. He told me that itâs ok that I lost some weight lately. I noticed that my (accordingly to my boyfriendâs words: ânon existingâ) belly is getting closer to the unreal image about how it should look like. But I was sure about the weight lost after few people told me, raising rather concern than admiration 
Ed told me that itâs fine because nobody really ever listens to advice from the people who are closest to us. So me and Ed only nodded to what they said and we even pretended some concern about it to be more trustworthy. But whenever I eat more than Iâd like to I must make sure than some physical activity will follow. Because I donât really want to gain some weight back, do I?
I counted my BMI with my boyfriend. To show him (and little bit to myself, too) that I am all ok. I am in the healthy bracket, therefore I am safe, right? But you know what, Ed? Itâs just another number and the number (although not red {yet}) doesnât mean I have a healthy thinking.
So before I get into bigger trouble, my amazing body stopped me (I really need to appreciate it much more). Iâm sorry it had to be through injury. But I donât think that Iâd otherwise ever take a single thought about whatâs really going on. I wouldnât realise that Ed got me out of the recovery path, back to the way leading to dark woods. I heard that everything bad is for something good. Maybe.
So here I am. Reviewing last months of my life. I really got to the top of the performance and I really have passion for running. I even believe that this doesnât have to change, but the intention and reasons âwhy I am runningâ have to. No more lies, Ed. I need to bring balance into my active life. And in order to do it I must go back to square one and ask myself the same questions again.
WHY DO I WANT TO BE SLIM?
WILL I BE MORE SUCCESSFUL?
Or is success something to do with a performance, determination, willingness to go forward towards the goal, getting over obstacles, not giving up, etc., rather than body-shape?
WILL I BE MORE FAVOURITE?
Or do people care about character, personality, kindness, trust, etc., rather than about body-shape?
WILL I BE MORE ADMIRED IN MENâS EYES?
What kind of men it is who cares only about the body. Is it really the type I want to be meeting in my life? Because if so, how much do I actually appreciate myself?
Iâm lucky enough to have the right man in my life already. Do I really believe that heâll love me more or less based on my body-shape? Because if so, then I shouldnât call him âthe right manâ.
I know it is not easy to demolish everything we truly believed in for so many of years and sometimes even for decades. And itâs not easy to rebuild habits we built up based on these beliefs. It requires lots of honesty and willingness to put the hard work into it. To go behind a comfort zone and start a whole new life. It requires to become vulnerable and to believe that world wonât abandon us if we donât look like people in Magazines. It is hard stop listening to Ed and recognising his voice at the first place. But we all have the capacity of doing this.
Be brave. Give yourself love. Look at you - can you see yourself when you were a small girl? What would you want for her in her life? You still can give her a better life. Nobody else but you can change everything. And you can do it right now, at this moment. Start the work, open eyes and live your life with freedom in your mind.
We all can be free. Careless. Alive. 
7 Likes
Iâm sorry you hurt your foot and hope youâre back at top performance soon for you! For your mind!
Itâs ok to want to have a fit body bc it makes you feel good. Your hard work, your pay off.
The other reasons donât matter as youâve stated.
Hope youâre soon back to running and glad youâre thinking about Ed.
Congratulations again on your two years.
2 Likes
Great share. It can be hard to know the line between healthy behaviour, and seemingly healthy behavior with an unhealthy cause. I wish u luck to find balance.
3 Likes
I think (and I may be reading this wrong, if I am, tell me!) the panic u felt at not being able to run rang alarm bells. If the background thinking was healthy, u might feel disappointed, but that âhorrorâ wouldnât be there, u would want to rest to heal.
I had a similar situation of panic recently - my daughter wanted to make me icecream sundaes for me in the evening. I was so focused on the calories that I couldnât appreciate the nice gesture. And then alarm bells rang, I was placing more importance on the calories, and my weight, than my daughter. If I donât lose weight this week, it is ok. Making my daughter happy is more important.
4 Likes
Day 257 : No binge today.
3 Likes