368 sugar
232 UPF
106 gluten
106 dairy
42 mindful eating
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137 days no takeaways.
133 days no ice cream.
18 days no sugar.
0 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
So yesterday I was depressed af, I meditated from 4am-8pm on and off, but I couldnāt escape the suicidal ideation. At 8pm I had managed to get through the whole day with just 3 shakes, and I wasnāt hungry so I canāt blame my crisps binge on that, it was purely so I could watch some episodes of TV to distract from how I was feeling. I need to seperate the two bc TV really helps. I donāt watch much of it at all, but there are certain programs throughout the year that I do like. I didnāt enjoy the crisps, and my stomach hurt halfway through the first bag, but I made myself eat all 4 bags as punishment. My fasting blood glucose this morning was the highest it has ever been, so no more crisps! 
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Day 1443 : No binge today. 
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138 days no takeaways.
134 days no ice cream.
19 days no sugar.
0 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
I forgot to mention in my check-in yesterday, I always save my favourite flavour til last (salt & vinegar), but when I started the last bag, I realised Iād got the ālightly saltedā flavour instead. This left me craving for the right flavour. Even though Iād literally just eaten a protein porridge at 8pm last night, instead of going back to the bedroom to try to sleep, I got ready and went to the fkin shop instead. I bought 2 bags, I also bought 2 sandwich sub things, even though it was white bread which I never eat and also a festive sausage roll, mango, and greek yoghurt.
Surprise surprise, my level is again, the highest it has ever been!..23.4!
A total ban from the shop is once again in place, and I will try again, as always.
š©µ
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369 sugar
233 UPF
107 gluten
107 dairy
43 mindful eating
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Eating is going ok. I had a time I was a bit upset and rage-crunched more cereal than I would have liked, but I geared it back down with fruit and tea and then my usual dinner. I have also been exercising steadily so that is a plus.
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I rarely comment and am not sure if itās appropriate. I donāt think itās helpful to even check your sugar after a binge. Reading this feels like an additional punishment. You donāt have the right medication for a binge. So you punish yourself another time in the morning. Yeah, see, I fucked up again. I cannot even manage my sugar. This is a fucking vicious cycle. I know it. Just my thoughts from the diabetes front.
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I appreciate your thoughts, and I agree, it is another form of punishment. I think I do it to try to shock myself into not bingeing again.
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My neighbour is t2d and wonāt get a sensor paid as he isnāt on insulin. As a family they decided to invest on paying for the sensors themselves as he is more motivated to keep his numbers in range and eat accordingly. Itās probably not the correct treatment for you on the ED side. It doesnāt treat the why but the symptoms. Itās a tough thing this ED and diabetes adds another layer of guilt to it. It can help to get some motivation, though.
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I just came from all inclusive holiday and my eating there was out of control. I wish we didnāt have all inclusive but we couldnāt find any other package. So even though I managed not to binge today, especially now Iām going to bed a bit hungry after the travel back home, but Iāll reset my clock anyway and start fresh (hopefully) 
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Day 1444 : No binge today.
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370 sugar
234 UPF
108 gluten
108 dairy
44 mindful eating
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139 days no takeaways.
135 days no ice cream.
20 days no sugar.
1 day no crisps, no binge-eating.
I broke the cycle, but to do so I had to buy some meals. Up until now I have been okay having meals in my fridge, but not anymoreā¦ I ate 1 at 1am and another at 5am. This is ridiculous. I donāt eat when I wake up during the night when my only option is shakes. I wish I could sleep through but I never have.
š©µ
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This! 
Been there, done that, for years!! Iāve changed my strategy, and somehow Iāve been binge free for 10 days (after +25 years). Iām still a bit surprised!
@CATMANCAM Cam, I hope you find and try a new strategy, cause reading your daily posts itās clear that your are very stuck in a hamster wheel! I hope you donāt get me wrong.
Thanks for sharing Franzi! 
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Day 1445 : No binge today.
Hereās hoping you make it to 2 weeks and beyond, @Jesile! Keep up the good work! 
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@Jesile Congrats on double digits binge free. Do you mind sharing what your strategy change was?
370 sugar
234 UPF
108 gluten
108 dairy
44 mindful eating
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You cannot deal w deep seated trauma by strategy change. You have to address it in a therapeutic relationship. Heās doing that.
Itās a two sided approach as Iāve said a few times above, managing the addiction while you get to the pain. But as long as the coping mechanism is needed cos the pain is not processed, it wonāt go away.
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Listening to the book I mentioned before made the āklickā. Iām now going to read it, instead of listening to it, and do all the written exercises as well, to reinforce, as itās early days.
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140 days no takeaways.
136 days no ice cream.
21 days no sugar.
2 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
Not doing great mentally. Barely sleeping. Still very hyperglycemic. I can add another pill from tomorrow night.
Losing my grip on my will to live. Memes are a good distraction, Iāve been looking at them for 12hrs straight, yet I canāt focus on what I actually need to do which is check-in on the main thread here, and now Iām 363 posts behind.
Ate during the night again at 1 and 3am. Nothing major, but Iād prefer not to. Iām not planning on having anything available during the night from now on.
š©µ
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Day 1446 : No binge today.
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