I totaly get you. The experienc of weird self sabotage is very unpleasant. When that happens to me, which it does almost daily, I also get very angry at myself. I also often get sad or feel overwhelmed, because how the hell am I supposed to move forward, if I nuke my own plans all the time!
Two things are helpful to me. Maybe some of it could be helpful to you too.
First thing for me is to acknowledge that there is a reason for this kind of self sabotage. Some part of me - apparently a well hidden one - thinks that my plan is dangerous and is trying to protect me. This is definitely not a conscious part of me, and probably not a very developed one. Nonetheless it is trying to protect me. Finding out what it is trying to protect me from is very hard, but also key to developing new patterns. One way for me is to pay attention to these situations, being mindful of my emotions around them. A good help to deal with this is therapy.
Second thing is developing a step plan. I split my plan in little parts, until I have a step, I am not afraid of. As long as I am afraid of my plan, it is not mini enough. As an example, letās say I want to go out for a walk. What would that entail? Checking the weather, finding a good time, deciding on the location, picking reasonable clothes, laying clothes and shoes out, putting those shoes on, getting out of the door, walking 100m, etc. Now I would start with any one of those things and just do this one thing on this day. If I manage to do it, Iāll be proud of myself, and Iāll add another thing next day. If I donāt, I try something else. So for example I might just lay out my clothes on the first day. On the second day Iāll lay out my clothes AND put on my walking shoes. And thatās it. Next day Iāll lay out my clothes AND put on my shoes AND decide on a location. The littles steps might seem like nothing, but as long as I am doing them, I am getting into action.
This way I am learning about my fears and my fears are learning that they actually can do something. This is an actual example how I managed to learn to leave the house and go out, when I was suffering through awful panic attacks after I had developed a heart condition.
Maybe this helps, or maybe not. Anyways: You are doing great! You are putting in the breaths, the hours, the days!
, patience 
and love 
.
today was a good day. Tomorrow i have a difficult thing to do so iām preparing to be extra nice to myself and have the liest possible amount of stress around the house and around food. Iāve organized breakfast so i donāt chug a bar of chocolate with diet coke and crash two hours later. Will update if i came through without a binge crisis.