As you can see I messed up yesterday. I managed to eat without overeating too much through the day and then our guests arrived in the evening. They brought salty snacks with them. I had not mentally prepared for that.
I still have no idea why I reached for the first snack. It was just standing there in front of me. I did not even bother to move it out of my sight. I remember some kind of addiction voice talking to me but the rest is shrouded in a fog. I only remember me reaching for the snacks again and again like a mindless machine. I ate basically most of the package by myself. The others took a few. The rest was me on a snack bender. I feel like shit today. My head is killing my. Far too much salt in my system.
Iām glad it was not sweets. That would have ended up far worse.
There is only one thing I understand about this situation: I need to step up my prep game for next time.
You did it the right way @Jana1988. You came here and through writing put some distance between your impulses and your actions. Well done friend
Letās get this merry bunch back on the band wagon friends
28 days no takeaways.
27 days no sugar.
25 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
The sun was shining yesterday, so I decided to make the most of it and get some things done. Not much but something is better than nothing. Iāve been here catching-up for 3.5 hours, Iām hoping for a little more sleep, its 6:45am now, if not, Iālll have another early start and try to accomplish some more.
Proud to say that I passed a day 1 without binging/overeating !! Yeeeey
@acromouse
Thank you
I remember that when I was on track I always found hard dealing with events where thereās food (mainly small snacks) involved. The best is probably to avoid this from the beginning and join when you feel strong in your new habits. But that is easier said than done because sometimes it isnāt avoidable. Then you must make the decission to eat nothing and stick with it, maybe drink lots of water instead, donāt leave your hands empty.
When you think that others donāt have any idea what weāre going through and they donāt think about the food at all, itās crazy and thatās all I, you and other people here want, right? The same mindset. Howā¦? Why do we think about food this much?
Guess what, I had the same with alcohol. I wouldnāt even know whatās going on in terms of the event or the topic weāre just talking about, but Iād know everything related to alcohol. How much who drank, how slow these drinkers are, how much I had and how much more I still want but donāt want to look like an alcoholic, etc. At the end - itās such similar scenario, if not the same. Youāre somewhere and youāre not really enjoying yourself because your attention is all on alcohol or food. Itās just constantly buzzing in your head and the only way to calm it down is to give in and drink/eat. But even then youāll still think about it and youāll feel horrible on the top of it allā¦
Itās hard and I hate we have it like this, it feels so unfair and I wonder why are we so different??? Is it our past, something we went through? Maybe we need to figure this out first to move closer to our goal to become in peace with food and be ānormalā. Otherwise weāll be running on willpower and that is not only very very hard but also unefficient and not long lastingā¦
@CATMANCAM
Thank you
Sorry to hear you going through hard time. I have no experience with depression (just something close to it when I was drinking and was so down that I wanted to kill myself for certain period of my addiction). So I canāt offer any stories or tricks which worked for me.
But Iām glad to read that youāve got a therapist.
All I can say that I think that sometimes we have more than one to sort out and most of the time itās just too much for us to try and sort everything out at the same time. It then can resolve in failure. So maybe itās better to do one thing after other and start with the biggest beast, which in your case is being depressed. Maybe if you sort this out some of the other things will follow naturally, you never know. So donāt worry about the food too much and go all in into this! Itās important youāre honest with your therapist and yourself and just give it a proper go. Just this one time, go for it with everything you have to say and reveal! Itās worth the try and in the worst case it wonāt work and nothing will change, but the things you will gain if it did work are worth giving it try!!
@Jana1988 Thanks for your thoughts and your encouragement. It is always good to read how others relate to their problems cause in the end we have the same ones and often feel like the world around us does not understand. But here everyone can relate. Thanks again.
My mind went into analysis mode today. Itās very tenacious in this way. It wants to figure out every puzzle in the world. Sometimes this is very useful - like in my work - sometimes itās not - then I have to put brakes on it.
Anyways, this time it did come up with something useful. I realize that the last few days Iāve been trying to white nucle it. Instead of remembering that my old methods of trying to deal with life donāt work and will only lead to loss of control and powerlessness, I did what I used to do with discomfort and pain. I tried to run away and numb it. With work, with socializing, with caring for other peopleās stuff, with video games, with tv, with works of art, with everything. I used those things. I did not enjoy any of it. I just wanted to be sucked into them in order for the pain and discomfort to go away.
Guess what: It did not work. Or it worked well enough until it didnāt. Yesterdayās snack bender was just the tip of the iceberg. I wanted to stuff myself with so much of something that I would not have to feel anything else. It was just my poor subconscious trying to give me a hint: You are suffering! You need to connect with yourself and not try to run away!
I was very active yesterday which usually leads to over eating and binging for me, because a) I feel like I deserve lots of food, b) I have more cravings and Iām very hungry after burning more calories than usuallyā¦
BUT
When on bike with my friend, we stopped for a coffee break and he asked me if I want a carrot cake (my favourite, but also gives me acid reflux each time and then I struggle cycling). I made the right decission there and went for a tuna panini instead to get some nice lunchy bit rather than sugar spike and end up in discomfort and tired after a while.
When I finally got home after a long day outside, it was 6pm by the time I got to eat somethings. When I entered the kitchen, there were triggers everywhere!! Mum in low was shopping and left all the sweets on the kitchen desk I was hungry and all the sugar was sooooo tempting! Instead I made myself a proper dinner, big one, my boyfriend even didnāt believe I can eat all that food ahahaha, but I knew I need it. After that I had shower but still felt hungry So I had an apple and somehow that did it for me.
We went to bed and watched some series until midnight and I had zero cravings for anything All the sweets and I didnāt eat any!! All the hunger and I didnāt binge!! Wow!
I had resltless night but I feel pretty good today regardless. I hope today is going to be as successful as yesterday in terms of eating
I am so much craving that silly chocolate bar in the cupboard right nowā¦ And all day long. It crosees my mind time to time, then it went away, but it is getting more frequent and more urgent closer to the evening.
I am also quite indecided whether Iām or Iām not eating chocolate/sweets
I happened not to eat them last two days but it wasnāt out of a made decission. Part of me is telling me that I should go easy on myself and work on not to binge and overeat first, and not to restrict myself at this stage. But that part of me can as well be that silly Ed (eating disorder) whoās trying to get me to satisfy the urgeā¦ I also worry that if I āallowā myself this one chocolate bar, it wonāt end up at the one chocolate bar because I know myself and as well as a pint, one is never enough. I donāt really want to risk avalanche
You are not alone!
If this is your addiction talking, it will throw a fit if you suggest not to eat the chocolate today and leave it at that, because you think for today this is not a necessary choice or because you are not sure - ODAAT.
But if it is a reasonable voice, it will patiently wait.
Think of it as if you are coming out of surgery and eating chocolate would just not be a good idea. Addiction wonāt listen to reason, self love will.
Checking in second time today myself. I somehow made it through a very exhausting day without overeating. I have no idea how I did it, just gave up trying to be a functional adult and curled up with anime and silly memes on the sofa.
Iāve found it helpful to sit a bit with that feeling of not feeling well in your body after a binge. Not just curing it with alka setzer but like, meditating on it. I feel it helps remembering the next tome. Even if i still have lots of impulses to binge, my body doesnāt let me to go to lengths i have went before (and that were frankly dangerous for my body immediately). Iām kind of resentful and glad about that at the same time. Iām happy to be a little more regulated but i also was pushed into this journey forcably by the fact i was unwell and, since itās hard work, i sometimes would have liked to give up (but i donāt)
30 days no takeaways.
29 days no sugar.
27 days no crisps, no binge-eating.
When I think about all the things I used to binge on, I donāt want them anymore! I didnāt think this would happen this quickly! Its amazing. I hope it stays this way as long as I donāt engage with any of it. I am missing TV though.
Hey guys
I managed not to eat any of the sweets yesterday and I had little bit of soup instead.
So today I can happily mark as having 3 days without binge/overeating under my belt
But it is not always easy. I need to figure out how not to have these cravings because Iām not good resisting something for too long if it keeps coming backā¦
I want healthy relationship with food. Not having to restrict myself.
š©µ I really donāt want to go back to that cycle!
glad I can recognise that.
š©µ
Yeeeey 
to sort out and most of the time itās just too much for us to try and sort everything out at the same time. It then can resolve in failure. So maybe itās better to do one thing after other and start with the biggest beast, which in your case is being depressed. Maybe if you sort this out some of the other things will follow naturally, you never know. So donāt worry about the food too much and go all in into this! Itās important youāre honest with your therapist and yourself and just give it a proper go. Just this one time, go for it with everything you have to say and reveal! Itās worth the try and in the worst case it wonāt work and nothing will change, but the things you will gain if it did work are worth giving it try!!
ā¤āš©¹
more calories than usuallyā¦
I was hungry and all the sugar was sooooo tempting! Instead I made myself a proper dinner, big one, my boyfriend even didnāt believe I can eat all that food ahahaha, but I knew I need it. After that I had shower but still felt hungry 
So I had an apple and somehow that did it for me.
