Yes and amen to that. Sugar is a drug. I know if I even start contemplating how I could control it, I’ll be lost.
My first and most important step in this journey - and I repeat it to myself every day - was to admit to myself that I have no idea how to control sugar. I am not able to figure it out. I was not able in the past and I will not be in the future.
So instead of trying to control it - and ending up stealing other’s snacks, including children’s, eating out of trash, hiding it, sneaking around, and other great behaviours - I decided to accept that I have no idea how to control it. And my only option is to find peace in the not-knowing and instead just stop trying. Letting go of the madness how to control it.
I wish everyone here so much strength and love and kindness on this journey here. @Mischa84 You are not weak, or broken, or somehow defective. You are just being exposed to a drug and a set of cultural behaviours that reinforce this drug use every day at every corner. This is very very very hard. But you can do it. Others have. You can too. You already have overcome alcohol. Put your sobriety mindset to sugar. Love and hugs to everyone here
The last week I have been back at work, so too busy to binge during the day,and oddly the momentum of work has also made me exercise. Was feeling good about myself. Took my daughter to the pool and there is a scale so I checked my weight, it was more than I was expecting. And I instantly felt disgusting again. It is so crazy, I look and am exactly the same before and after I saw some digital numbers on a screen, but I feel totally different. I was going to skip dinner tonight, but decided to eat and keep up with the exercise and try to put those numbers out of my head.
Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing well today. I havent posted on this thread in some time but i came back to read and wow… can i ever relate to what you all are saying.
I have been on an up and down rollercoaster with my eating. For the past 5 days i have been on the “up” and have done really (unusally) well with my eating.
I have been:
keeping a good journal and tracking my calories (to ensure i dont overeat)
exercising
practicing mindful eating/slowing down
planning my meals and when to eat
making sure i have healthy snacks available for when i want to snack
However, my husband likes to buy me snacks and yesterday he bought me a container of sour candies. I had some late last night (10 candies) and that almost caused me to binge. I literally just threw myself to bed in order to avoid binge eating. I have asked my husband to buy me healthier snacks if he wants to get me snacks but his version of healthy is much different from my version of healthy.
My parents are also visiting tmrw and we are ordering out fast food to Burger King for supper (husband requested for bday dinner), so I did look thru menu and planned to eat the healthiest option available (a veggie burger and small fry). This is also really testing me bcuz this could potentially trigger either overeating or a binge episode later on. My mom is also bringing cinnamon buns tmrw mrng for breakfast and that is a trigger food for me. Any advice is welcome to help get thru this. I think i can manage but want to be as prepared as possible.
Thanks so much everyone!
Im so glad that u kept on with your eating routine even tho the scale said otherwise. Our bodies fluctuate in weight for sooo many reasons and it can definitly not be a true representation of where we are at. I actually stopped wieighing myself every week for this reason. It does too much damage mentally to me and throws me off track. I weight myself on the 1st of every month now.
I am glad that ur exercising and not binge eating and feeling better about urself! Try not to let those numbers effect u too much. Consistency is key. By staying on track with exercise, ull see results overtime sending hugs!
I can absolutely believe how this is true. My parents (especially my dad) would give my brother and I (as kids) chocolate bars/snacks as a way to show their love for us. My dad was very emotionally unavailable and so “gifting” treats was a way he showed his love. I grew up thinking food was a reward and i have been working hard on breaking this line of thinking within myself.
I have also been known to eat secretly. Hiding sweets and eating in secret when my husbamd isnt around. And then the guilt and shame is almost unbearable. Just like drugs, I think that it will give me some relief but it never ever ever does.
I have tried soooo many “plans” but i never know what is right for me. I find this area of recovery hard for me bcuz we cant just NOT eat. We need it to survive. Ive tried to moderate my sugar/carb intake and eliminate sugar entirely. Idk what works bcuz Ive had downfalls with both ways.
Anyway, thank u for ur share. It was really good to read!!
Food journal checkin. Kept my food journal. Satiety signals today were a bit more difficult to register. But I payed more attention to mindful eating and it worked out in the end: I did not overeat.
Felt very bored and irritated through the day and my brain kept coming back to all kinds of ideas how to distract myself from this discomfort. Eating was obviously one of them. But I kept coming back to my definition of abstinence: I am not starting to eat if I am not hungry, and I am not continuing to eat if I feel satiety.
The food journal, mindful eating and my rule of abstinence are really helping me to see a clear path around eating. I am very grateful for that.
I recently read somewhere that an alcoholic also has to keep drinking. But they have to abstain from alcohol. The same goes for food. You have to keep eating, but you have to abstain from compulsive eating. The question then is: What is compulsive eating for me? What is my definition of abstinence? And I believe that is the hard part. Figuring that out takes a lot of experimenting.
We have nowerdays a very clear idea what alcohol is and where it is in. But previously people did not necesserely have a concept of alcohol or would know if something contained alcohol. So in a way we are the like those early alcoholics
Thank you, Dana
I was always thinking the same… “I wish I only could quit food for good.” But as you say, we can’t because we must eat…
How to find a balance? How to stick with a plan? What’s a good plan for me?
All great questions and I may dissapoint you, because I don’t have an answer… All I know is that I’m trying and trying and trying…sometimes I have a good ride and go well (at least what I consider well) with food for months but I always slip, always eventually fail.
But I’m on a good path. I used to have bulimia and I undertook a theraphy because I was totally unable to get control over that and the theraphy helpes and now I struggle “only” with binge and over eating. It’s still not ideal but at least I don’t purge which was much worse…
So I don’t know, maybe if I’m at this exact same place next year, I should reach to a therapist again.
I am not happy with the relationship I have with food. I don’t want to worry about it too much and be thinking about it most of the time, I want to eat when I’m hungry and not to have to be scared of food and the never ending battle…
4 days no crisps.
2 day no takeaways, no sugar, no binge-eating.
I’ve been so depressed today, one of the worst mental health days I’ve had since my medication was increased about a month ago.
I’ll be honest, I’ve had two very close calls today…first, the ice cream vans came round, I went to my jacket pocket to take out my bank card, but I managed to zip the pocket back up and make myself a product. Second, I actually placed an order for a takeaway, I tried to cancel it immediately after placing it but it wouldn’t let me, but after an hour of waiting, for whatever reason, it got cancelled. I think the Universe intervened and wants me to do well again. I atleast didn’t order any dessert. I would have had to reset for takeaways and binge-eating though, but thank goodness I do not!
When I woke up this morning I was convinced I’d eaten 2 big bags of crisps last night, and I was so disappointed and ashamed, but when I realised I hadn’t I was so relieved, so I know I’ll be happy to wake up free of regret and shame again tomorrow.
@CATMANCAM
I’m glad you managed to dodge the bullet Well done!
Oh I know the feeling when you wake up and think that you relapsed. I usually had dreams about relapsing and took me a while before I realised that it didn’t happen. The releaf can be huge…
I’m considering to seriously go back to intermediate fasting. Last time I stack with it I stayed without binging for over a month… Yesterday I finished my dinner at 6.30pm and at about 8.30pm I wanted something sweet. I was thinking about a protein bar as it’s filling and has low sugar but then I was thinking that if I want to eat my breakfast at 7am before my bike race today and have at least 12 hours fasting I need not to eat. And that changed my decission and avoided possible binging.
Today is going to be maybe difficult because I have a big bike ride and I will burn lots of calories which I will want to refill afterwards. I usually binge after big activity like this because I am really hungry, I think I deserve eat all the food of the world without consequences and so I don’t know when to stop But I’m now aware of this issue and will try to look at this differently. I really should plan what to eat after the race, but have nothing prepared…
Well, hopefully it will go well now when I acknowledged it and addressed it
So much going on here @CATMANCAM Nice to see the universe had your back yesterday I remember depression being one of the withdrawal effects of sugar and junk food for me. Even my recent stint with gluten left me depressed for a few days after. I hope yours lifts soon @Jana1988 Enjoy your bike ride. They always make me very hungry too and I find these situations difficult to navigate eating wise.
Omg make yourself a salad at home and eat that on the side of your meal! Or make it for everyone and offer, but really it’s for getting some volume and something nutritious into your belly w some fiber. A BK meal wouldn’t “fill” me up at all unless I had three of them and even then i’d just wanna continue eating all day cos it just melts into fat and nothingness in your belly after 20min. Very triggering.
The same I suggest for the breakfast: make something filling like an omelette w a lot of tomatoes and champignons or sth to have before/alongside the highly palatable stuff. That’s my method.
Good luck and don’t forget to be actually good to yourself! Eat such that you won’t feel awful the next day.
I love thes thread! You are all so wise, I love reading your posts, they resonate with me so strong…
Sometimes when I read you Jana I have feeling like I would read my own thoughts but nicely edited. Maybe I should read more books cause I definitely have a problem with articulating myself Well, actually last book I red was before the kids era so pretty long time ago. All the damage alcohol made to my brain… But that’s not the case now.
I want to say I’m with you Jana! From now on I’m gonna start to treat my body how it deserves to be treated. With respect. No more shitty sweets. No more crisps. And I mean it!
Also, intermittent fasting. I was on 16:8 for a good couple of months and it was fantastic! I was feeling much better and it kept my away from late evening snacking. Today is the day!
Unfortunately yesterday was big failure day eating-wise but I’m not gonna cry about it now. I’m gonna focus on today.
Hey Jana, do you have a rough number in your head how much you burn on a ride and how much you need to eat of what food in order to fulfill your caloric needs? I think if you aim to fulfill that, you should be able to at least avoid the physical craving after a big workout. But if you undereat, that’s going to be overwhelming obvs w all the cardio that you do.
Have a wonderful ride today, weather is good and all!
@Mischa84 Likewise! When I read your posts, I see myself
I feel like you articulate yourself very well!
I sometimes write a post, then read it after myself and amend it couple of times before I public it so it takes me long time to write something so don’t worry But thank you for a nice compliment
Yes, let’s do this together!
To the intermediate fasting, I personally found 16:8 too difficult (assuming the 8 is for eating ). So I prefer nice and even 12:12 or something around it
Hey @Faugxh Great shout! Yes, I know how much calories I approximately burn during a ride like this. I’ll be better prepared next time. I mostly go with my feelings but maybe in this case would be actually helpful to do a bit of counting …
Leaving soon. I am a bit nervous, not sure why ahahaha I’ll enjoy it
I really appreciate ur suggestions I feel the same way about the BK meal honestly. It wouldnt fill me up and then it would cause me to continue eating… packing on the calories with unhealthy food, making myself feel AWFUL. I love ur idea actually of making a salad. Im going to do that bcuz we have salad stuff here. Thank u soooo much for the idea!!! I HAVE to be proactive today bcuz im NOT throwing away all my hard work for 1 meal. I appreciate you!
sending hugs!
All I know is that I’m trying and trying and trying…sometimes I have a good ride and go well (at least what I consider well) with food for months but I always slip, always eventually fail.
Well done! 
Yesterday I finished my dinner at 6.30pm and at about 8.30pm I wanted something sweet. I was thinking about a protein bar as it’s filling and has low sugar but then I was thinking that if I want to eat my breakfast at 7am before my bike race today and have at least 12 hours fasting I need not to eat. And that changed my decission and avoided possible binging.
But I’m now aware of this issue and will try to look at this differently. I really should plan what to eat after the race, but have nothing prepared… 
I remember depression being one of the withdrawal effects of sugar and junk food for me. Even my recent stint with gluten left me depressed for a few days after. I hope yours lifts soon 
But thank you for a nice compliment 