This was an outstanding post to read and I respect you for it. Here, let me join you: i’m a vain bitch too. Throw in insecure and arrogant into the mix and you get my very often highly emotional reactions/behaviour.
EDs go deep. Same as I think sexual compulsions, PDs, all the fun stuff.
Insofar as I have learnt: There is no change that doesn’t absolutely require a desire for truth. The truths about ourselves are well hidden from ourselves cos they are painful and shameful to see/feel/admit. However, living in denial will keep us stuck on our compulsive coping mechanisms 100%.
Well done, Jana! This is what it needs and this is progress. Often it needs a phase of hard maladaptive “coping” for a new realisation to break through. I would suggest you understand your recent period of struggling as this pattern. And take your win, your self-realisation, and go forward from here. I went through this same circle many times myself and still do. Often I also struggle to keep my new thruth conscious and it goes back into denial. So watch out for that.
We only get better in increments and every time it hurts.
Jana I understand you feel like you’re having urinary tract infections.
Dr. for that.
Just want to touch on dark yellow urine.
Men and women should aim for clear to straw colored urine.
If urine is yellow, and the darker the yellow, it means dehydration and drink more water until the urine is clear.
There are things that can make urine more yellow. Vitamin C supplements and Vitamin B2.
It’s common for people who fly a lot to get UTI’s. The main reason is because they’re dehydrated.
I’m not saying that you don’t have some other causes, causing your urine to be yellow and for you to feel like you have a urinary track infection.
First step would be to drink water. There are calculations out there to figure out how much water to drink and activity, and, the heat where you are will also play into that.
They used to say divide your weight in pounds by 2 and drink that many ounces of water.
Then they changed it and said for somebody who’s active and especially if it’s hot to go ahead and drink at least an ounce of water for every pound that you weigh, I realize that you want to do it in kilograms.
Anyway, the gold standard is to monitor the color of the urine and aim for it being clear to straw colored.
Hope this helps someone with some thing. Love you all.
@Faugxh thank you 🩵 @Jana1988 definitely drink more water and see your nurse or doctor for some antibiotics if you have UTI symptoms as they can get real nasty.
16 days no takeaways.
8 days no crisps, no sugar, no binge-eating.
I haven’t been able to focus my attention on any of my daily activities or routine again today, not even a walk because I accidentally napped, so I’m really beating myself up. I think it’s because my brain is hijacked by axiety and fear over an appointment I have tomorrow afternoon, which is also making me want to binge really badly. I don’t know how to manage this type of anxiety because the only thing that helps is when the appointments are over, especially these really important ones. Crisps would just be a very temporary distraction and make me feel like sh*t when I had to reset my counters, not worth it, staying strong.
@acromouse congrats on all of your numbers, but especially your week without overeating/binge I hope you’re enjoying Berlin
17 days no takeaways.
9 days no crisps, no sugar, no binge-eating.
Checking-in with yesterday’s numbers…
Ahead of my appointment yesterday afternoon, I had the urge to binge all day, it was so strong, I had butterflies in my chest, stomach, and bladder, and I wanted to escape myself. I distracted myself with the fitness thread on here (trying to motivate myself to start again in the gym & swimming), and it helped to pass the time. My appointment was a phone call, and I don’t have regular phone signal where I live, and the only place where my phone connects quite reliably to WiFi calling, is the bathroom. The letter said to be available between 1 and 4pm, I went into the bathroom at 1pm, the phonecall came at 15:20, and the call lasted 1.5hrs. I was in so much pain from sitting upright for so long, and then that made me want to binge too. I felt like I was suffocating all evening, I didn’t feel well at all, but I did some meditations, and thankfully fell asleep.
18 days no takeaways.
10 days no crisps, no sugar, no binge-eating.
Finally back in the double digits realm. Tonight I am experiencing strong cravings for crisps, it’s likely because I finished the porridge at lunchtime so I’m back on meal replacement products, I’m pleased about this though. I also made it out for my walk.
This tummy bug is still there, so chances of overeating are small. But it will become a thing when I‘m recovered cause I‘ll be hungry as hell. But I‘m prepared.
You guys are doing awesome!
Cam, I’m so proud of you!
I’ve been good but it’s been interesting w food. I realised I probably was still eating too little/less than I should wherever I could, especially on rest days in the past. And that’s probably partly how I got my injury I’ve been dealing w since September. So now I’m really making an effort to fill my overall carbs, not just be 75% there, eat around lifting and then screw it on rest days and maybe that last meal of the day. Obvs it’s to do w ED I was inclined to not take that so importantly before. Better err on the safe side and be a bit under, right. So stupid, so engrained! Not a conscious decision but rather a denial of what I could have and should have known, that I do need all that food for adequate recovery and function. So now I’m really paying attention to eat as much as I have to and not cut corners and let almost there be good enough. It’s a lot of carbs haha. And I do feel better. Not that I was feeling bad before, I just never knew this feeling of what it feels like to be eating this much, I guess.
Thank you all, although I have failed, I appreciate your replies 🩵
12 days no sugar.
0 days no takeaways, no crisps, no binge-eating.
Sorry to be a let down again, especially after your replies to my double digits post. But here I am, with regret and shame. I had a takeaway, but the amount was definitely a binge, and then because I’d been craving crisps recently, I’ve just had those too. None of it was was worth it, it never is, so my addict was lying as usual.
The only triggers I can think of;
-I am back on meal replacements only.
-I’ve been awake for 22 hours.
-I have therapy tomorrow after a two week break.
I have definitely been snacking more over the last few days. It is for sure pms time, and the amount is more ‘regular person overeating’ than a binge, so I am just going to move on.
@CATMANCAM You are not a let down. You are battling a big enemy. Hope your therapy session goes well. @Misokatsu PMS time is always when I feel like there is not enough food in the world. Hormones
🩵
and see your nurse or doctor for some antibiotics if you have UTI symptoms as they can get real nasty.
I hope you’re enjoying Berlin 
