This is huge. I’m very proud of you. It’s a huge step forward. Lots of awareness and learning. I hope you can sleep easy tonight realizing the significance of what you’re doing. Knowledge is always power. Having that knowledge is one step forward. Life’s not perfect. But you’ve made a big step forward. Big hugs. I’m happy for you.
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Day 1256 : No binge today. 
Wow, 18 days without binging! Congratulations to @acromouse! 
Congratulations to @Jana1988, 9 days without binging!
Keep up the good work you two! 
You got this, @CATMANCAM! Your hard work isn’t going unnoticed! Getting the help you need is a big step forward!
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Omg Cam thats a really big deal! I’m so excited for you but I also feel your fear and hesitation! I wish I could say anything to help or give any advice but I have no idea what all that is like, to that extent you’re dealing w it, so idk. 
You’re realy fighting for your life and it’s so admirable.
I hope your therapist and the eating disorder ppl (I remember you being in touch w some professionals, no?) can give meaningful advice. You only have our attention and moral support 100%.
I guess the one thing I can say is that, even if you falter and it’s one step forward and one back, you’re still on the right path. You’re not giving up AND you’re making progress.
Good luck my friend!
PS oats have a really low glycemic index so idk why your prepped porridge would make the blood sugar spike like that, maybe additives - but regular porridge is still a good food to eat, if you enjoy the taste of it anyway. All you need is regular oats and some water and a bit of salt.
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@Jana1988 Congrats on nine days. I hope to be able to congratulate you today on double digits. We will never know what will save us from ourselves.
@Bomdhil 5 days is a streak!
@CATMANCAM Wow! You are on quite an adventure there! A scary one. That‘s for sure. But this whole journey is one of discovery. And you discovered so many important things with your research. Keep at it friend. You might not see it. But we can see a heroe’s journey there 
6 months sugar
46 UPF
53 gluten
32 dairy
19 overeating/binge
6 months, half a year without sugar is freedom and peace. So much peace. I would not have found this peace with out all of you. Thank you so much 
When I walk through the store and there is all that sugary trash around me, or when I am at a place serving sweet stuff, or at a family gathering full of cakes I still get a bit uneasy. This stuff still triggers something inside of me. But the idea to engage with it does not even cross my mind anymore. I know where I will end up if I take that first bite. I really do not want to be there ever in my life again.
Right now I feel to be at a point where I feel at peace with eating most of the time. I am starting to trust myself, my hunger and satiety signals, my capacity to react to them in a non-obsessive and peaceful way. I have to pay attention not to slide back into behaviours that will lead me back. Yesterday I caught myself eating while reading something. Eating with distractions is a no-go. I need to pay attention to my signals.
Long post, short conclusion: Mindfulness and kindness are the way to go for today. One day at a time.
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We are here to support you on your journey. Personally I feel like learning how to eat real food is a step forward. I am not an expert though. 
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Eating has been going well. I have some events coming up, all involving food. Hopefully will eat sensibly and guilt-freely and just move on.
Exercise also going well. Focusing on getting faster or stronger rather than any numbers on a machine.
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@acromouse congrats on 6 months of freedom from sugar! 
@Alisa @Aleyadaisey @Faugxh @acromouse
@Misokatsu thank you all so much for your support, it is much appreciated 🩵
3 days for everything.
I was awake until 4:30am, so I did eat a bit more, and because my only option (due to the oats not being suitable for me, they make my blood glucose spike every single time, and I have learned that it’s the same for a lot of diabetics, it does confuse me when things don’t make sense, but I just have to let it go) was the extra bread I wouldn’t need for sandwiches, I ate a few slices. I did the same this afternoon between meals. The bread is no added sugar wholegrain, and I don’t put anything on it, I just eat it plain. I don’t consider this a binge, even though it’s not perfect, I was just genuinely hungry and didn’t have another option in that doesn’t spike my sugar.
I didn’t have the energy to go to the shop today, but I need to go tomorrow to buy more of the sandwich ingredients, and the ingredients for my next real food experiment. I am going to try jacket potato with no added sugar baked beans. I am also going to get the healthy lunch I get on therapy days, to test to see if that actually does suit me. I reallly hope it does, because I do love it.
Not long now until my appointment with the Adult Eating Disorder Service this Friday, will be interested to hear the psychiatrist’s ideas for how best to support me this go around.
🩵
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Day 6 of not binging with food. Fruit is helping
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Day 1257 : No binge today.
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@CATMANCAM I think generally it is a good thing to eat when one is hungry. Especially if it is real food and not some trigger food. Really curious where your real food experiments will get you to.
@Misokatsu Fingers crossed for your events. I find it helpful to prepare mentally for those. And in case I assume the food will be crappy or triggering I eat in advance. I try to make these events not to be about food in my mind in the first place. May I ask what exercises you are doing? Just curious.
183 sugar
47 UPF
54 gluten
33 dairy
20 overeating/binge
Yesterday I got my usual afternoon slump. It‘s a time for brain fog and really shitty moods. I was cranky, tired, couldn‘t think. I wanted to feel better. And as I was proud of my 6 months abstinence of sugar some part of my mind kept suggesting all kinds of food related fixes. It was really like being in a surreal theatre show. One part of me feeling meh, a significant part of me wanting this feeling to go away, some part suggesting food over and over again, another trying to focus on my breath, and so many other voices. I was absolutely sure I did not want to use food to feel better, so in the end I played the tape to its bitter end - courtesy of the day 1 horrors - and went for a walk. Like all such episodes it passed. What a show.
I started attending buddhist based online meetings recently and they are very much helping with my recovery. The shared meditations, readings, and shares. Mindfulness and kindness one day at a time.
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Well, I have been on and off the couch to 5 k running plan for probably ten years now, but at the moment am running 5 k twice a week (with a walk at the half way point and I am trying to reduce the length of that). I am also doing a dumbbell workout from YouTube, it has been getting easier and will up the weights next time maybe.
And the two of the events are literally going out for a meal. But one is to a BBQ restaurant, so I will eat meat and salad mostly, there, and another is more of a buffet type thing at work, again, should be able to eat what feels good for me and leave the rest for the guys to have to soak up their beer. It is a good sign of progress for me that the not drinking part is not bothering me at all.
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4 days for everything.
I’ve had a bad mental health day, but unlike similar days like this, I have experienced no cravings or urges to binge.
I typed out my groceries list, and realised it would be too much to carry home, so I placed an order for delivery on Saturday. I did go to the local store that I got the sandwich ingredients from, to get more of those. I also got jacket potatos and no added sugar baked beans, and some plant based butter. I had that for dinner this evening, and whilst waiting an hour to test my blood glucose level, I was reading about baked potatos and baked beans, and what I read made me terrified of what my result was going to be, but it was perfectly fine for a post-meal result.
The only thing I’m struggling with, is my fear of not losing weight whilst eating “nornally”. Then the even bigger fear of potentially gaining weight. Because I still need to lose atleast 7st to be in the healthy weight bracket for my height. Which is the whole reason i got caught-up in the meal replacement/binge loop back in April 2018. I’m trying not to think too much about it, and keep my main corcern centered around not bingeing. It will be a test when my groceries are delivered because I am having fruit delivered with it, and I have binged a whole weeks worth of fruit the last time I bought it, but I needed to get some healthy snacks so it’s another experiment.
Tomorrow I am of to the hospital in Cambridge re my ED. Feeling a little apprehensive about being out of my bubble from 9:45am-6:30pm, but there are places I can get healthy food and snacks from, so it should be fine.
🩵
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Day 7 of not binging. Sugar is hard
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Day 1258 : No binge today.
I hope you do well in treatment, @CATMANCAM. Sending you strength, you got this. 
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@Bomdhil Congrats on a whole week 
Sugar is evil 
@CATMANCAM I am really happy to hear your real food experiments are going well I hope your appointment at the clinic will bring some help. It will be hard day for you. Don‘t forget self-care friend.
184 sugar
48 UPF
55 gluten
34 dairy
21 overeating/binge
Due to hormonal upheavals I have been experiencing all kinds of mood and energy swings and cravings for the last days. I feel like I have developed a good grasp on the difference between cravings and hunger. I know cravings have nothing to do with hunger. I know eating would be useless in these situations. And even although thoughts of food - especially trigger foods - will come up with cravings on a regular basis they are more of a pest than me taking them seriously. Sometimes I will feel a bit peckish and not really hungry at all and in these situations I might eat a small bit of something or not. So I feel ok with starting to eat.
Now stopping to eat is a different beast. Yesterday evening I felt uncomfortable after dinner. I‘m not really sure if I felt too full or if this was some other digestive discomfort. These hormonal surges mess with my satiety signals. One part of me might be sending me the first signals of satiety where I would usually stop eating or stop eating soon. But with those hormones raging through my system there is an other part masking those satiety signals and telling me that I still need to eat more. Added to that hormonal changes bring all kinds of digestive turbulences as well. So I am not really sure if I overate yesterday evening.
I also feel like I would like to become less controlling and obsessive about my eating with the goal to come to peace with eating and food down the line. So I am not going to reset my counter. I will let my obsessive thoughts about how I might have overeaten yesterday work their way through my day, I will experience the discomfort of not feeling in control of my thoughts, and eventually I will learn to let them go later.
I also want to practice more mindfulness around the hunger/satiety signals that are coming from my hormones as to learn to differentiate them from the basic ones.
Very long post, short conclusion: I will walk with kindness and mindfulness towards all that is me today.
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@Bomdhil congrats on your week
@Aleyadaisey thank you 🩵
@acromouse thank you 🩵 and congrats on 3 weeks no overeating/binge I love your analytics and I can relate to a lot of what you share.
5 days no sugar, no crisps, no takeaways.
0 days no binge-eating.
It was going so well, but I reset my counter last night because I ate 3 slices of toast, porridge, then 3 slices of bread, all in one go, I felt similarly out of control like when I eat binge foods. I was hungry, so I made 2 pieces of toast, as I still don’t have snacks until my groceries are delivered tomorrow, then I will have fruit for snacks, but I have to resist bingeing it all tomorrow night (because that’s what happened last time),then that didn’t curb my hunger so I made another piece, etc. I’m sad about it, and a very annoying thing is that I set my alarm for 1hr after, so I could know how bad my blood sugar level was, but it didn’t wake me up. It tested at 12.2, 6 hours later, so it must have been stupidly high after 1hr, I really wish I knew, as this would be armour against future episodes. I really hope it doesn’t happen again though.
Today I had my review meeting and my diagnosis was changed to Bulimia because of the laxatives. The psychiatrist said my trauma history is way too complex, and that CBT wouldn’t benefit me, because my problem isn’t really food related, my issue is bingeing…anything. He felt that the best treatment would be more Psychodynamic Psychotherapy with the same Psychiatrist as I had it with last time, so that we could just carry on where we left off 18 months ago. The psychiatrist has already agreed if I was wiling.
This means I have to discontinue the therapy I’ve been having regarding CSA on Mondays, which is unfortunate, since I waited 4 years for it. I have sent an email asking if I could be put in the wings and postpone it rather than drop it completely.
Then I am having a video call with the psychiatrist I saw today, in 2 weeks, to confirm everything. He said one week, but that wouldn’t allow for a farewell sesion with the therapist I’ve been seeing as it’s a bank holiday here on Monday.
A good outcome I feel.
ETA: and the same again tonight, another reset. 
🩵
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@CATMANCAM thanks!!! Sadly this night I failed during a dinner with friends. I ate a lot of fried items. 
Day 0
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Day 1259 : No binge today.
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@Bomdhil Social gatherings are very difficult. You‘ll get there
@CATMANCAM I‘m glad to hear you are moving forward on your therapy journey, but I also get how these changes are upsetting to you. I hope you can take good care of yourself in this difficult time. Hugs and love friend 
185 sugar
49 UPF
56 gluten
35 dairy
22 overeating/binge
Yesterday I used my tools of mindfulness and kindness around food and eating. They really work. I just have to actually use them and not fall into the trap of following distractions while I eat.
So I was able to discern different signals about satiety and cravings while eating my meals and in the end I was able to register the cessation of hunger and the onset of satiety despite cravings. And I managed to follow the satiety signals instead of the cravings. For the last one on how to dismiss the urge to follow the cravings I used something that was said in the Brain over Binge Podcast about the lower brain.
Today on I go: mindfulness and kindness.
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