Binge eating recovery daily check in thread (Part 2)

[Jana1988]

26 days no binge

Yesterday was a test for me. We had a social event with my colleagues after work, so I knew that I won’t have a proper dinner. My original plan was just to accept it and be without food after 8pm regardless. However, when I came home at 9.30pm I was starving. I also cycled to work, then to the event and then all the way back, so I knew that must be the reason why I was so hungry. I worried that if I eat so late at night that I’d binge because that’s what happened in the past. But I also knew that it’s likely that I’d struggle to fall asleep because of the hunger… Finally I decided to have a dinner but I portioned it and said to myself that I won’t eat more than that no matter what. As expected I was craving more (especially ice cream which I knew is in the freezer) but I thought about my counter and how close I am to a month mark. That helped to make a decision of going to shower first and see how I feel about the ice cream afterwards. I ended up drinking only tea, because I realised that I’m quite thirsty. Then I went to bed and slept like a baby till morning. I woke up happy that I handled the situation well and I think that it was a right decision to eat after I exercised and was hungry.

Btw I have a bit of belly lately, despite eating much better and not binging. I’d think that I should rather get rid of it than gain it But somehow I don’t feel bad about it and I take it for what it is. It’s my small cute belly button

[DarrenUK]

This thread is for me!

I’m a gluttonous pig
But don’t put on any weight and recently had a routine test for diabetes and my body is in tip top condition

Of course it’s a green flag to eat worse

[Jana1988]

You’re living a dream of every woman!

[DarrenUK]

I know - eating what I want and the body of a Spartan

My insides might be rotting away though

[Jana1988]

You’re wise. Love how you put it.

[CATMANCAM]

40 days no takeaways.
15 days no crisps.
14 days no binge-eating.
4 days no sugar.

Checking-in with yesterday’s numbers…

I was craving to binge yesterday. Lots of emotion with nowhere to go. I need to exercise but just can’t find the spark of motivation to actually do anything. Then I feel shame because of that. Then I want to binge the shame away, but it would only be replaced by more shame for binge-eating, so I keep reminding myself of that. I really don’t know how I’ve reached the 2 week mark for no binge-eating, but I’m happy about it, despite my disbelief, it somehow gives me hope that I might be able to surpass my best attempt so far of 56 days.

🩵

[Aleyadaisey]

Day 1295 : No binge today.

Welcome to the thread, @DarrenUK! I hope you find this thread helpful/inspiring in a positive way.

[acromouse]

@CATMANCAM Just as an idea: Maybe move your focus from exercise towards ways how to channel your emotions? Movement of any kind can be one possible way to do this. And a lot of people find movement beneficial. It does not have to be exercise though. There are other forms of movement. And you could investigate other ways to work with your emotions that don’t focus on movement. Like a bit of detective work. Obsessiveliy clinging to any idea how things should be is most of the time a recipe for desaster. Other than that: Good work on not caving to cravings.
@DarrenUK As long as you don’t feel like your eating habits are affecting your life, I’d think everything is ok.
@Jana1988 Great job on both eating instead of restricting, but also portioning instead of bingeing. This truly is a winner on all fronts!
Bellies come and go. This is the way of bellies. You cannot controll your belly. Let the belly be what it is

221 sugar
85 UPF
92 gluten
69 dairy
3 overeating

I am still experimenting with portion sizes. Current conclusion is: If I want to stay with three meals a day, I need to eat bigger portion sizes even if I feel slightly stuffed afterwards. Or I have to eat snacks in between. I like the convenience of only eating three times a day and not having to come up with ideas for snacks. On the other hand I don’t like this stuffed feeling, and it also makes me feel sluggish. I’m going to experiment more.

[CATMANCAM]

@acromouse I meditate a lot, which is good for my mind, but I need to do something physically for the energy in my body, anxiety is just keeping me stuck at the moment, like it has done for a long while now. Will just keeping trying to psych myself up to start something and try to overcome it.

41 days no takeaways.
16 days no crisps.
15 days no binge-eating.
5 days no sugar.

Checking-in with yesterday’s numbers…

Yesterday was okay craving-wise. I received a last minute invite to my dad’s, as they have his wife’s family members over from America. There were so many people I didn’t know, so I was very anxious, but I felt pressured to go because I didn’t go to meet them the last time they visited 2 years ago. My dad’s wife’s brother’s partner was there, but not him, so I was annoyed that I felt pressured to go when he wasn’t even there, he’d ‘gone out with the lads’, so she had invited 3 of her friends who live in the UK, so I had to meet all of them too. They were all having a giant BBQ, and alcohol. I managed to resist both, and stick to what I bought on the way there to take with me. I felt so awkward the entire time, but I got through it. The blessing was that I got to have an extra long cuddle with my baby niece towards the end of the night. The sad part is, it was very late (for me) by the time I got home, and where I usually take my evening meds around 5pm, sleep by 9, wake up to feed the cats and take my morning meds at 2am, then go back to sleep til around 5am, I didn’t get to take them until 22:15 when I got home, so I was awake past midnight, and didn’t wake until 7am to feed the cats and take my morning meds, which I have to nap after, so I then slept through all of my alarms and missed going to my Auntie’s to see one of my cousins and his family who were down here visiting. They were doing breakfast, and I said I wouldn’t eat what they were having, but my auntie had said she would make me porridge with fruit. I was really looking forward to going, I don’t think I’ve seen my Auntie this year yet. But also, I am so socially and emotionally drained from last night and definitely needed the sleep.

🩵

[Aleyadaisey]

Day 1296 : No binge today.

[acromouse]

@CATMANCAM Does movement at home work for you? Maybe something really silly? I remember a person once sharing how she started this move challenge, where she decided to move every day for at least 30min for 30 days. The kind of movement did not matter. Some days she would do some stretches on the floor, others just walk around her flat, sometimes actually getting out. And often she did not do the 30min in one session but spread them out through the day, like 5min here and 5min there. I really liked that idea

222 sugar
86 UPF
93 gluten
70 dairy
0 overeating

222 is a nice number

Yesterday I experimented a bit with new foods and I’ve been tinkering with the dosage of my hormones. Both gave me experiences I do not care about, including massive hunger pangs and cravings so I overate. I feel physically and mentally uncomfortable, but no emotional desasters. New stuff learned, counter reset, all is good.

[Alisa]

Sorry about how some of your time has been spent, how your days have gotten messed up. Reading your post the first thing I thought about was walking in place. I know being outside is good and healthy for you but this is helpful and all you do is move a step away from your body. Let me see if she is on you tube. Maybe you have interest, maybe you will not… Big hugs in any and all cases. You are doing great in so many ways even though it might not feel like it.

Important that you do it at your own pace… important that you have a counter or chair to grab onto if you need to… or a cane in your hand if you are a fall risk… that you are careful not to fall. There are many more like this by her… Leslie Sansone… and others.

Beginner 1 Mile Walk | Walk at Home

[CATMANCAM]

@acromouse congrats on all the 2s and 70 days no dairy It’s challenging at home because my cats are always at my feet wondering what on Earth is going on I do need to set some kind of goal. I do use the time it takes the kettle to boil, and if I’m microwaving something, to do some on the spot movement, mostly some of my rehab exercises.
@Alisa thanks for sharing. I used to love exercise videos before I had cats, it’s not very easy with them being round my feet whenever I get up. I even have to do my on the ground rehab exercises, for my back, in the bathroom with the door closed

43 days no takeaways.
1 day no sugar.
0 days no crisps, no binge-eating.

It seems that everytime I start to feel positive about any progress, and say something hopeful about the future, it all comes crashing down.

Yesterday I was completely mentally, emoionally, and physically drained from attending the huge family gathering on Saturday evening. So there was that. I also felt awful about letting my Auntie and visiting cousins down, again. I also had therapy today after 4 weeks of no sessions (I managed to get my place back, not sure what’s going on with the ED related therapy I’m waiting for but will deal with that when it comes up), so the anxiety of that may have also played a part. I also couldn’t make myself do any meditations at all either. Then, although I take full responsibility for my actions, I msged my WhatsApp friend saying what I was craving, and he said ‘that sounds good, and it’s a new month tomorrow (today) and f**k it, I’m ordering something’, so when he said that, I went to the shop and bought £30 worth of binge foods, then, when I’d just got home, he msged to say he’d decided not to order, so I was very annoyed about that but it’s not his fault that I binged, I shouldn’t have been romanticising it.

I have worked out that today is the last day of the first half of the year, so there is still the opportunity from tomorrow to end the year with half a year binge-free, but of course, it’s ODAAT, starting with tomorrow. (I have 2 big bags of crisps left, so I’ll finish those tonight and get back on track).

🩵

[Aleyadaisey]

Day 1297 : No binge today.

[Jana1988]

Hello guys!

I have 29 days no binge (I think).

Here is my dilema…
(trigger warning - talking and listing out some food)
Over the weekend I did some walking and cycling and I know for sure that I was in calory deficit because I didn’t eat enough food to cover what I burnt (not intentionally, I’m only finding hard to eat that much). Yesterday I had to sit on my bike again and go to my office and back. It was already 8pm when I finished my dinner and dessert and my “rule” is not to eat after 8pm. But I still felt unsatisfied and despite already having an ice cream as a dessert I also decided to have some biscuits. For the whole time I was very wary that I should not have them, but yet, I don’t feel like I binged on them. I had some and my boyfriend also had some and that was it. I feel more like I over-ate. But I don’t really know what’s the difference between binge and over eating and I don’t want to lie to myself just because I don’t want to reset my counter.
In the same time I don’t expect myself to be always perfect and dead on line with stop eating at 8pm, especially with my active life this may not be always manageable and I’ll have to accept occasional “late eating”. I would like to make better choice of food, that’s for sure.

I know I perhaps didn’t give much insight, but any thoughts? Do I need to reset my counter?

Thank you for your opinions

[acromouse]

@Jana1988 I totally get your dilemma. I have found the difference betweeen bingeing and overeating and how to deal with both a real challenge. My perspective right now - and I hope others will chime in as well - is following:
For me a binge always starts with a compulsive drive to eat no matter how I feel in regards to hunger or satiety. It is an experience of losing control over myself, losing the capacity to stear my behavior. My mind will space out during a binge. A binge also means that even when I already feel fed and sometimes maybe already uncomfortable I will still feel this compulsive drive to eat more and keep at it. It’s like a trance in which I devour huge amounts of food. After this ends, I feel like I am coming back from another space. I feel shame, guilt, etc. I know I have had lost control and I am very disturbed by this. I have not had this experience in quite a while now. In my case it usually goes together with one of my trigger foods which I have counters for and have not had for several months now.
Overating is eating even when my body has already send satiety signals. Sometimes when I cannot register those signals - like when very distracted, or my hormones sending huge hunger pangs - I only realise I have overeaten after the fact. That’s why I am working with portion sizes right now. I will feel uncomfortable after overeating, but I will not feel ashamed, guilty, spaced out, and I will not feel like I have lost control over myself.
The decision is obviously yours. Do you feel like you have lost all control of yourself in this situation? Did you space out? Did it feel the way your prior binges have felt?
@CATMANCAM Why don’t you throw away those crisps you have left?

223 sugar
87 UPF
94 gluten
71 dairy
1 overeating

[Jana1988]

Hello @acromouse
Thank you very much for your opinion and advice!
I must say that if I’d base it on your description then it would be over eating. I didn’t have the usual spaced out feeling when I’d stuffed myself with almost anything I can find and when I’d brainlessly eat it. I also didn’t feel ashamed, because it was just few biscuits, not the whole pack. When I binged, I always ate everything, even if I was alreasy overfull and didn’t even enjoy it anymore. I just always wanted to get rid of everything so there is nothing left for next time and so I couldn’t do ir again (yeah sure).
For me it’s more about that I broke my rule about not eating after 8pm than about anything else. I thought I should be able to “behave” myself.
Now I can see all these buzz words sending warning signals, like rule and behave. It’s terrible to use these terms.

No, I don’t think I must reset the counter this time which makes me feel kinda reliefed as I really didn’t want to
I have IBS and uncomfortable bloating today after the biscuits, so that shall prevent me from eating these again btw

[Misokatsu]

That was a great description by acromouse.
For me another part is hiding/shame. Would I be OK if another person knew how much I ate? For me, if I ate say, half a pack (and half a Japanese sized pack BTW, so smaller than a UK pack), I might not be happy about that, but I wouldn’t feel the need hide it or feel ashamed. I wouldn’t feel the need to buy a replacement secretly either. A whole pack and then a spare pack or two I would definitely hide and cover up.

[Misokatsu]

Trigger warning - Description of food / eating

Since eating the cake a few days ago, I have been wanting to eat cake more. I went to the convenience store and was looking at the cake portion and glazed donut that I often used to buy. I was feeling anxious and panicky, I mustn’t eat them, I will gain weight. Etc.
Then I realised that I am not actually trying to reduce my weight right now (I know I am fortunate to be in that position). I will not gain weight if I eat some calorie high food sensibly. So, I decided this week I will buy one slice of cake or one donut each day. Just one, of course binging is not OK. I felt relieved and have been buying one a day and remembering that I can eat it tomorrow so I don’t have to binge now. That was a few days ago, and today I realised that I don’t actually want one today. So I didn’t buy one. I am very happy to be able to listen to my body and it not go to an extreme on me.

[Aleyadaisey]

Day 1298 : No binge today.