Go with the Ribena - no regrets with Ribena, and no risk of going too far. 
The wine is not what you are looking forward to. The numbness is what you are after. The escape. I don’t mean to be unkind in what I’m saying here. I just mean to be crystal clear: alcohol is not something you want. It’s just an escape hatch you use to run away from life, and you’ve been doing it for so many years you’ve forgotten (or maybe never learned) that there are other ways to manage stress, ways which are healthy and not destructive.
Our culture (and our minds) tends to romanticize wine, or whatever drug or behaviour we use to numb ourselves. It’s got lots of “cute” catch-phrases (“wine o’clock”), we think of it as a “reward”. Meanwhile we agonize over the very things you put in the title to this thread: blackouts, assault, and humiliation.
You have a deep reservoir of wisdom, courage, and determination. I am sure you are at the beginning of a very significant journey of self-discovery here. I know you will learn a great deal about yourself and what you want and need, and how to speak and act in healthy ways for what you need.
The first and most important thing is to be sober today. Just be sober today. Let yourself heal. Read about sobriety. Participate in groups, online or in person, as appropriate - there are many options on these two threads:
Online meeting resources
Resources for our recovery
As you work your recovery, your life will become clearer. And it will be good.
Prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions. You’ve been burying them for years. They will come up. It’s ok. Cry, be angry, be joyful, be every shade of emotion, sober, and know that for the first time ever, you are feeling them fully - and that is beautiful, and it is good.
Take care Freckles and keep checking in