Be patient. I don’t know the particulars with your relationship but I do know that I’m working on repairs bond with my brother. We have been communicating through letters as we both want our words to be heard and give each other the time it takes to fully think about what was said. Some times it can take a few days to get a response.
With it being an ex, this may have caught him off balance and he may need time to collect his thoughts.
You are not the same person as you were 4 months ago. He does not not that and hasn’t seen that.It may take him a while to response and he may not respond at all. We have to be ok with this (a lot easier said than done). - I am not in AA but believe in the steps they practice as I believe they are life skills and one is making amends but not expecting forgiveness.
I believe you get access to the Lounge after a certain amount of time on the forum. It’s a gained trust level.
You do need to be active daily for that access and it is removed if the activity level drops but then can be regained. I believe you should be getting close to it by now
When you join the forum, the functionality available to you is limited. The more you participate, the more you are able to do here. Note that the easiest way to increase your trust level is to read lots, which is also likely to be pretty useful for your sobriety! When you achieve Regular status (Trust Level 3) you get access to the lounge which is a category that is not visible on the main forum.
Thank you Jasmine… I think it was important to me to actually say it, to apologise… I don’t even think I am ready for his response anyway, not yet. My 54 sober days to me still is a bit of miracle plus eveyday effort… part of it is avoiding feeling too much (both very bad and very happy feelings)… until I am strong enough… to deal with them without alcohol.
This is a great start to your recovery Blanka. Usually it takes awhile for us to get to this stage working the steps. But it’s great you got that out there.
We always say expectations lead to resentments. Even though you said you didn’t expect anything I’m sure it still hurts when you did not get anything back. And that’s where I always say “stick to the facts.” You might not know what’s going on in his world. He might be…….fill in the blanks. You don’t know.
We also say “actions over time equal trust.” You did a good thing. And keep putting the right step forward ward.
You are so right Eric, thank you for your wisdom and yes ‘it still hurts’… I was just laughing to myself thinking that 54+ days ago me would most probably make a big drama out of it LOL you know sending crazy drunk text msgs, trying to delete them tomorrow morning etc. OMG! so good not to be who I used to be then
Now that you have sent the letter to your ex’s let it go. You need to continue to do you and let him do him. But be prepared that you may receive a reply back that you are not wanting to hear. So be prepared for that. People will come and go and our lives. Sometimes it is best just to let them go and leave them be.
You have come along ways and that is so awesome. And you should be proud of yourself. Keep doing you and keep it simple one day at time
Such revelation right there. You may not be ready for the response and that is ok. You are making some great improvements and steps in your sobriety. 54 days is amazing. We don’t know what the future holds and what triggers may come out way. All we can do is strengthen our selves by staying sober each day and working the recovery. Know that you are not alone and we will always have your back
I think it’s like 60 consecutive days before you get lounge access…so any day now
The sober drama free life I am experiencing now is quite nice. And it’s not all about ME. And I’ve become more compassionate to others and their feelings.
Day 55! And strong craving for wine today… will they ever stop?! Just sitting here trying to figure out the reason for it… it was a good day, I was home and assisting a handy man who was doing some renovations here. Everything was just fine, I wasn’t stressed or overexcited so? The only reason I can think of is that it was something a bit different than my regular day and yes… 55+ days ago I would most probably had some (or should I say a lot of) wine while admiring my freshly painted bedroom after the guy is gone. Well… crazy, isn’t it?
Literally everything can make us crave. Good stuff, bad stuff, in between stuff. Whatever. Good news is that it does get better and the craves do get less. And at some point they’ll almost stop. But not quite totally disappear. Some people relapse after twenty years. Probably because they think they can handle it by then (we can’t). But something must have triggered that thought.
Congrats on 55 days and congrats on recognizing the craving and taking appropriate action Blanka! Addiction is a crazy thing. Just keep going. You’re doing fantastic. Hugs.
Unfortunately we will never be 100% free of our addiction. We will always have to be vigilant and on guard. As we tack on the sober days, we gather our tools and methods of how to twart off the urges and how to deal with triggers. So grateful to see you already using those to get through the cravings today.
@SinceIAwoke Thank you for asking Dan xxx well not too bad really. My place is still under renovation it smells with fresh paint and I chasen some minimalistic decor…
I love it. Busy here but still visiting ST mainly for reading, also reading new book ‘We are the luckiest’ by Laura Mc Kowen, I can so relate to it. How about you?
Thank you 