My little nurse Teddy
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Well goodness gracious! That was so scary for you.
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Yes it was, and being in hospital and seeing all those sick people made me think how important being healthy is, I promised myself to always look after my health.
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I’m so glad your family and friends and pets are there to support you. You can focus on healing and sobriety.
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Oh my goodness. So very grateful that your friend was there for you. So sorry that you were / are dealing with so much. Please be kind to yourself as your body heals.
Grateful that the cats are starting to get along more. Also that you don’t have any cravings.
Sending love and healing vibes your way 
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How is the recovery coming along? And the new kitty integration?
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All is ok here, it feels like living in slow motion… I cant do much around and even going to the the toilet is a bit of expedition. But it is good in a way to have opportunity to stop, to have time to think… the pain is not as bad anymore so I don’t need that much of morphine/codeine, when I really need it I take it, it makes me relaxed and I usually sleep after.
My little Teddy loves his big sister so much, following her everywhere, trying to initiate some fun together but… Bebe is Bebe, still hissing at him. It doesn’t really worry me as I know Bebe, I know that she likes his attention a bit, and every day is letting him come a bit closer. She also had few chances (or even reasons 
) to attack him but she didn’t.
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What are you doing with your free time now? Have you started any new recovery-related activities? It’s easy for me to get lazy quickly, I know that!
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Im sleeping a lot (some days 16 hours a day), it must be painkillers side effect but I need less of them now which is great. Im reading ‘We are the luckiest: the surprising magic of a sober life’ by Laura McKowen. Lovely book and I can so relate to the story. I watch Netflix a lot, sometimes binge watching. So yes it is quite lazy time for me, 7 days from surgery and from today I am giving myself 3 to do tasks a day (things I dont feel like doing or I was delaying to do etc). Today tasks accomplished 
I don’t feel like starting AA just yet, maybe as I dont experience any cravings now, it actually feels strange to remember the way I was 12 weeks ago. I know I am an alcoholic and that this will never change… but I don’t want my whole life to be about recovery. I accepted that I can’t have alcohol and that I should do little something every day to support my recovery but… I don’t want to be obsessed about it xxx
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You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Blanka. You are taking things in measured strides. There was a time that I was obsessed with AA, and that’s because my obsession with alcohol was so overpowering, it nearly killed me and nearly cost me my freedom. So for a long time, I chased sobriety with the same passion and resources that I had used to chase the booze. Today, I consider AA to be foundational to my life - it’s always there, always on my mind, and I surround myself with AA people and AA books. I have room for many other things in my life, like my career and travel and my athletics. I recognize I would not have those things with out AA, so I have a deep gratitude and sense of duty toward it. I go to between 2 and 4 meetings a week, I serve as my group’s representative to the District, so that’s one more meeting a month and 2-3 hours per month of other meetings and taking and distributing notes etc. I spend more time and energy on Talking Sober, if I am to compare the two things.
I have seen AA work in many ways for different people, and I appreciate that it has such a broad application. For me, I don’t go to meetings to deal with cravings, I go to have a place to honestly express the crazy and the fear in my head, to ask for help, to be comfortable with doubt.
I’m afraid this might be sounding defensive, when it really is not meant to be. It’s just an expression, maybe a mangled one, of how AA has worked and continues to work in my life. And I 100% subscribe to the notion that AA is not the only way to get and stay sober, and it isn’t the best way for any particular individual to get and stay sober. For you, my concern is genuine - I have seen many folks get to 3 and 4 and 6 months sober and then start to “feel better” and return to those thinking patterns that undermine sobriety until there is a return to drinking. I want for you to be happy and to feel whole. How you get there is entirely your business!
And if you’re binge watching, try Nurse Jackie - a great series about an addict who tries her damndest to get clean. Very inspiring, well written, and moves at a good pace.
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Thank you for recommendation, Nurse Jackie… I was just looking for something new to binge watch 
Thank you for worrying about me, I know you are right, it takes so little to make one stupid decision, or can I be sure how would I react if something really bad happened, would I be strong enough… yes maybe having someone in my real life (like sponsor) someone I could contact any time would help in moments of crisis. Thank you for reminding me to work on my sobriety, it means a lot knowing that you care xxx
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So lovely to see you checking in. Be gentle with yourself. I did a lot of sleeping for a few weeks after my surgery and that was without the meds. I’m sure the meds only add to the need to sleep. Listen to your body
I totally get the need to not be obsessed with your recovery. It sucks to be daily reminded about your addiction. My recovery tools which now are starting to become just a way of life help me life a sober life but the support is what keeps me tethered to the recovery. It’s not just receiving support but also giving it that helps me remember the horrors of my day 1 and the days prior to day 1.
I personally don’t do AA but am heavily linked to this app. I am trying not to be on my screens as much but still need to come here at least twice a day to catch up and give myself that reminder of why I’m sober and what I’m living for (if that makes sense). I am not nearly as obsessed with this app as I was in my early days but still maintain a connection for my sanity and accountability. I know some who after a good year of sobriety only check in once a week or month.
It doesn’t have to be AA. Many recovery type programs are available. Just don’t get wrapped up in the thinking that you got this addiction under control. You are doing a wonderful job my friend and I want to see you continue to do so. Out addiction never lets up and can sneak up on us at the worst times. Without a good support system / program in place we can find ourselves believing the lies.
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Thank you Jasmine… yes I was thinking to myself the sleeping must be good, each time I wake up I feel so well and strong and when you sleep so much your body is in fasting state a lot which is healing itself.
I definitely know my addiction is not under control… I enjoy not experiencing cravings now but it is easy since I am detached from the outside world. I remember I used to think that if I could only stay home all the time or afford to go to rehab center I would easily stop drinking. It is happening now, Im having a break from triggers, I am grateful for that. It won’t last forever but it gives me a chance to make plans for my sober future… the only future I want now. 
xxx
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I love this and you are doing great with taking this opportunity to strengthen your sober muscles. You are creating tools and behavioral routines for yourself to help with your recovery journey.
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Hey Blanka, how are you feeling? Hope the recovery is going well and you’re getting lots of rest and recuperation. Also hope the kitties are behaving themselves 
P.S. since you asked, my mom says hi and sends you well wishes!
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I have been remiss checking in on you, Blanka. We are digging out today from a foot of snow, more than 30 cm. My neighbor is clearing the driveway with his tractor right now, then I will have some walkway and mail box clearing to do. It’s a national holiday here, my spouse does have to go to work though (nursing homes never close), and I have a physical therapy appointment after lunch down in the city, so despite the holiday we do need to get out of the house today!
My neighbor who is plowing has an English Retriever (how these differ from Labrador Retrievers, I do not know!) who reminds me of our family member Bandit who was with us for 14+ years. We walked our dog yesterday during a break in the storm, and he and his wife and their dog were out in their driveway. That gal loves the snow! She was rolling in it and chasing snowballs like a puppy. A 110 pound (50 kg) 8 year old puppy, but a puppy nonetheless. I love dogs.
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Boom! There it is!
WOW! I am proud of you and so so happy for you.
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Hi Reese x thank you so much for checking on me, 90 SOBER days today, check up in hospital (all 
), them 2 
still need supervised ‘playtime’ LOL They keep me busy for hours and since I am limping now it is a bit of a mad house here.
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I know!!! It feels amazing!!!
My next goal is quitting nicotine (vaping). It is so very hard or maybe Im not ready for it yet. I was talking PM to Jasmine about it a lot, I really want to stop it but I struggle. The only good thing about it is that I am forgetting about alcohol, focusing on nicotine addiction. xxx
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