Just to say Im ok and sober 106 days. I noticed I pay less attention to not drinking, which I thought is good as it feels like new normal etc but… I might be wrong. Some red flags recently:
I bought a book (kindle edition) ‘99% sober’ which is pretty much about moderate drinking, I read some of it and realised that I am considering possibility of moderation! I returned it straight away! I know I cant moderate, I tried so many times!
I was thinking about booking a holiday away somewhere hot and… I struggled to imagine it without alcohol. I even thought to myself that maybe I could have a break from being sober, have an occasional glass of wine when away. I know I cant, I know I would relapse big time!
Im not ignoring these red flags at all, they are only thoughts but they scare me.
Congrats on your 106 days Blanka.
And great job recognizing where your addict brain is trying to take you. When I started to get some good time under my belt my addict brain started screaming at me. GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!! JUST A LITTLE WONT HURT!! I’ve never ever been known to drink just a little. And never ever just one.
A wise man made and shared this on TS @Chevy55
Thought I’d pass it along to you.
Thank you. and just when you start thinking you are fine you learn that you are not!
I know I don’t miss on anything by not drinking so these crazy thoughts actually surprise me but… I also know better than ignoring them. Naming them/sharing them here really helps. Xxx
Lovely to see you posting. Was just thinking of you. Way to go with your 106 days!
Want to give you props for seeing and acknowledging the red flags! We always need to be on guard of our addiction. Have our support and tools ready to use and stay connected daily as a reminder that we need to stay vigilant.
We will never be able to moderate and that is ok cause we know that we don’t want to slowly poison our bodies with literal poison. You will be able to enjoy a vacation soon and not need to link it to alcohol. You will get there. Give it time and keep working your recovery. ODAAT!
Flex those sober muscles my friend cause you are doing a wonderful job!
One of the primary ways that recovery communities work is to provide a space to let the crazy out of our heads, out loud, and without fear of judgement.
Today I went through my drawers full of… like everything, mainly papers, old bills/reminders to pay , birthday cards, letters, pictures etc. Half of it ended up in the bin, it felt so good… music on and my cats excitedly jumping all over… such a good day and I feel so organised now. Plus I found my gym glove I lost months ago is it a sign? LOL xxx
First time in over a month Im out for a walk, the weather is beautiful.
I walked to the Library, haven’t been here in many years, not sure why, was I too busy? Or too drunk/hungover?
Since I remember Library was my favourite place, I loved it for it was quiet and I loved books.
Later my little daughter was spending so much time in Library with me, it used to be our special place and she loved it too.
Today it all came back to me, memories, like I remembered who I used to be before… xxx
Yes, and I remember how happy I used to be, how very much just myself… but I also remember thinking then that I am too quiet… boring.
Now I know my life then was just perfect, that I was perfect Xxx
I understand where you are coming from. I always thought I was too boring, especially after spending years with an emotionally abusive ex-wife. Now, except in periods of self-doubt, I tend to think I’m interesting, and if others disagree, it’s not my problem.
I love that you went for a a walk and enjoyed the beautiful weather. Good to hear that healing is going well. I used to love spending my day at the library - totally need to get back to that.
And now on top of that we don’t even drink thats double boring or triple even LOL
But seriously when I think about it being sober is actually very cool, it makes us superhumans
There is no time for much else when you drink, you are in luck if you still manage to keep making money, look after your family etc… thats when they call you functioning alcoholic. I think I was there for quite a while… doing all the basics plus drinking. I stopped doing things I used to love like reading or fitness. Funny I remember to start with I was still going to the gym regularly and on my way back I was buying a bottle of wine. I was drinking wine as eagerly as other people drink their post workout protein shake LOL. Crazy!!! X
112 AF days, it is important as few years ago I made it to 111 and relapsed thinking I can drink in moderation.
So today is the longest I have been sober in my adult life. I should have said excluding pregnancy time 21 years ago but I remember I used to have occasional small glass of red wine when pregnant which I was told is healthy and safe… Really!!!
BIG day today. I know I don’t want alcohol in my life ever again. I want to change a lot for myself and I can only do it when my mind is clear, my thinking sharp, my self-esteem high, when I take care of myself, when I am sober.
Woohoo…this is a huge milestone … Congratulations on beating your longest ever time and kudos for forging forward with such impressive determination
Keep up the great work friend…look forward to celebrating many more milestones with you
and just when you start thinking you are fine you learn that you are not! 
is it a sign? LOL xxx
thats double boring or triple even LOL
… Congratulations on beating your longest ever time and kudos for forging forward with such impressive determination 