Taken me alot to write this. I need help im a binge drinking & have done since lockdown before that would binge drink when I went out which wasnt very often.
My husband has really bad drink problems will binge most weekends leave his family no contact and do as he pleases on holiday will leave his family to go back to hotel and he will then stay out till the early hours.
He becomes emotionally abusive to me saying i dont take him on when we are out I ignore him.
Ive been saying no more for years now but he continues cuz i let him.
Ive decided I cant be in this toxic relationship we returned from a holiday soon as we got back straight in a pub not returning till 6 in the morning.
Then next day calling me its all my fault he does it im nothing but a fat ugly B***h the name calling goes worse.
The thing is he wont leave I have no where to go and dont want to drag my children around.
Ive joined here for help and support. Im not the kind of person he is. He wasnt like this when we first met.
I do believe I binge drink to block all this shit im going through.
My aim is to get better my anxiety and depression are through the roof and my self esteem is shattered. Ive recently joined the gym really enjoying it good for my mental health I just need to focus on my positives.
Welcome to Talking Sober friend. I hope you can find the support you need here. I think you might. I know it’s a great step to post for the first time and I applaud you for doing so.
I’m single so I can’t give you direct advice on how to proceed. But if there’s one thing I learned from becoming sober and clean nearly four years ago, it is that am doing this for myself in the first place. Sobriety and the rest of my life. I’m doing this for me, and the rest follows from that.
Anyway, there are many here that are in the same boat as you. I give you some links to other threads here that try to deal with it. The top one is the most recent and active one I think. Welcome again and wishing you all success.
AA worked for me. I wish you the best. I suggest you put your sobriety and your life first this is a life threatening disease. The rest you can sort out and will have the power to sort out later.
Have you considered an outpatient facility?
Thank you for your support.
Hey, kudos on changing your life! And sorry to hear about your marriage.
First things first. Sobriety will have to be the cornerstone of your new fundament, with a clear mind and no escaping from reality you will be able to learn more about yourself, find out what the life you actually want to lead looks like, feel your boundaries, what gives you pleasure and hope and what is healthy for you. You can then set to work building that other life for you and your kids. Bit by bit. One day at a time, as we say in recovery.
Just abstaining from drinking isn’t enough as I can tell you know cos you’ve already joined a gym so that’s amazing! I’ll attach a few links to get you started and find your places around the Forum.
Resources for Recovery
Here are some resources. Pick a few. Give them an honest try. Mix and match further down the line if things aren’t up your alley. There’s so much help out there. Just find what’s right for you.
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Some wisdom from ppl who’ve walked the walk before you.
Checking in daily to maintain focus #53
Our daily check-in is super active. You’ll make friends and be cheered on in your journey.
Gym selfies, weightlifting & fitness 
Join us in the gym. We all know how good it feels.
Best of luck to you. Welcome here. You are not alone.
Thanks all so drained and tired with everything, but need to keep going x 2 days in !!
Welcome. This will be a long journey of many small steps. And exactly what your journey will look like will depend on what you end up feeling you want and need. You are doing the first step, which is getting sober and getting some confidence. How will you stop binge drinking? You have to really learn why alcohol is not helping you. There are lots of books like This Naked Mind (Annie Grace) / The Easy Way to Stop Drinking (Alan Carr) and more. Certainly the gym is great. You lose so much of yourself when you are drinking. FInd yourself!
The next thing is tackling your relationship. Will your partner ever stop or control his drinking? Does he know that it is a problem? Is he willing to try to stop? Will he go for counselling etc? If the relationship is not salvageable then you need to start getting your ducks in order to build a life without him. Do you or can you work? How about getting accommodation? etc
Best of luck to you with all this. You can be sure of support here every step of the way.
My realtionship is definitely over I cant keep being treated with such little respect ive spoke in past to him on numerous occasions says he will change back to weekend doing it all again. I cant focus on the lack of respect. I really need to look after myself. That is the only way foward for me. Thank you for apl support.
Hi welcome to TS! There seems to be a few layers of issues that I’m reading and man I’m sorry you’re going through this. Once upon time I had been married. I was with him for 20 years and had 4 kids with him. Everything on the outside looked great, house, cars, vacations, etc. But underneath, we were a mess. He was an alcoholic and I wasn’t-but I was a co-defendant enabler. That was just the way he liked me too. Then I started drinking. He didn’t like that because I needed an enabler and he was wwaayy too self-centered for that. There was emotional abuse and psychological manipulation going on. There was a lot of fighting, especiallywhen we were both drunk. I finally did end it, but only when I was ready. I think leaving an abusive relationship is like accepting sobriety- you can only do it when you’re ready and nobody can tell you to do it. My suggestion is to get a counselor/therapist that deals with domestic issues. Whether you stay or go, a therapist can help you with that. The next issue is your drinking. I would suggest getting as much literature as you can and check out a meeting, even on line (try In The Rooms). Stay strong! You’re worth it! Lean on us for support! 
Big hugs and sending you strength 
BTW I’m single, loving it, and am living my life the way I want to sober!! It’s possible!!!
Just wanted to chime in and say you’re making a wonderful choice to eliminate alcohol as a factor in your life, relationships, etc. life is definitely easier without that toxic substance. Sounds like your husband isn’t on the same page. What a shame. I hope you find a resolution and if that means leaving him then so be it. Best wishes for you.
I went though a similar thing…in the end I had a breakdown…had to leave with nothin…lost car…job…home…but I kept stayin for sale of it …but only you will do it when times right…it’s really hard to start again…I still not there and it’s been 3 years X sending a big hug X
Welcome to the community !
I’m so sorry to hear of the pain you’re going through and I only have some simple advice…
Control what YOU can control- yourself, your drinking. Just stop, stay stopped, build yourself up and look after yourself and your kids. Don’t use it as a weapon against your husband, use it for strength for yourself.
Either he will see your strength and want to follow or he won’t. You CANNOT control his choices, but you can control yours and start living a better life for YOU. What comes next, you’ll find out.
Sending strength
Wow these comments are really helping yes im feeling down about everything tomorrow is another new day. Got some hobbies lined up to do in my spare time. Means alot.
Welcome! I agree with everyone here- focus on you and your sobriety. Sober you will be able to make clear, effective decisions, and it sounds like you have big ones to make. Great first steps in seeing your own problem and coming here for support. This forum is amazing. Keep posting so we can continue to be proud of your strength. 
You need to end this toxic relationship. He wants to blame you for his addiction, which he is entirely responsible for. We all are.
You need to start with yourself first. Recovery starts with you, we are all responsible for our own choice to drink, or not to drink. I don’t mean to simplify this, but we have a choice to face our demon or give into it. Whenever you’re at risk of having a drink, do something else. Go to a support group, take a walk, craft something, go to a gym, do whatever it is that you find pleasure in that is not drinking.
If there are lawyers that give a free initial consultation in your country, then go see one. Citizens advice can be helpful to find out your rights, entitlements, and what supports are available to you. Do not be afraid to lean on family or friends if you need support. They might be able to watch your kids while you attend meetings with support groups or a lawyer for example.
You need to do this to get out of this cycle of misery you are in with your husband. This is important - you need to end your relationship with alcohol, and your husband, for your kids. Kids need stability
I’ve been what you call a functioning alcoholic in the past. I’d drink at night, but my kids would never see me drink. I’d been fooling myself. Of course they suffered for it, I was never fully present for them because I felt like shit all the time. One thing I remind myself of always is; children do not ask to be born. It is our job to take care of them, to protect and love them.
You need to be present for yourself and your kids, so start the wheels in motion today. Carve out the new determined you, and find a better life for you and your precious children
How is it going, @Postivechanges? It’s good to stay connected here. Keep checking in, get support and community. you’re not alone.
Failed already ! Think im drinking hide the pain & everything im going through. Today is my new day & will fight with everything i have. Fed up of fake promises from others time to life a life for me !
Doesnt help when your being spoken down to that the only reason he *husband drinks is because of you ! (Blaming me again sick of hearing this shit) Once im strong enough My plans for the rest of my life wont include this abuse.
Alcoholics and those who abuse alcohol almost always do so out of trauma, whether small t or big T. Alcohol creates a protective layer, a mask if you will, and allows our consciousness to be distant from our mind, which provides a relief from the pain and torment. Sounds great, but it comes at a great cost, not only does it only suppress the trauma, we lose ourselves and our loved ones, everytime we pickup the bottle.
Coping with trauma in a healthy way is the only way to be in a position to grow and move beyond our trauma. This can be done through support groups or one on one therapy. In addition, good diet and consistent exercise helps; healthy body, healthy mind.
Recovery is a long journey, and it starts with putting the bottle down, only then can we allow all of the other pieces to fall into place.
Why not make plans now? Look, I know my own addict voice would be telling me I’d make plans to be and do better when I had the strength, and then I would never have that strength because it would be a built in excuse to keep drinking to cope and hide from the pain. Don’t wait. You are strong enough now, and working a plan can get you stronger and stronger as you go.