I’m not very good at that sort of thing… too busy working 7 days a week.
I know that I should try, but it’s a pretty ingrained habit !
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Sobriety is more than working on not drinking. It is working on ourselves and our unhelpful habits.
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I understand what you mean, but I’ve had a lifelong struggle with self-loathing and things like that.
It’s usually why I end up sabotaging any relationship in which I have ever been.
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Sure, you won’t change entirely overnight. But little by little you can change some tendencies.
I saw this thread late last night and wanted to contribute.
I pride myself (there is a good one to start with…) on my ability to use words. To get my point across in written form. But describing what I see asmy biggest flaw is something I have failed to do.
I think failure is a good place to start with this. Deep down I hate to fail, at anything. I am scared to fail at work as I fear the reprisal. There has never been any such reprisal in my work life to date so I am not sure why I fear it so much. I fear being a failure as a father. Having recently seperated from my partner this one hits home the most and I fear failing at any task I sent hand to. I am scared of failure to the point where I will do one of two things:
- Give my absolute all to the point of exhaustion on everything I do.
- If it is something trivial (like a game, I will deliberately pick the hardest option so that when I fail I have an excuse built in.
The majority of the time I pick the first one and it means I am exhausted both mentally and physically. I rarely say no to people as I fear letting them down so I then try and go back to the well for a bit more energy to meet their expectations and my own but the well is dry. At that point of exhaustion where my will is lowest, my addiction is waiting for me.
I have spent my life trying to bludgeon my way through tasks by force of will and beligerance and as I stand here typing this I realise it doesn’t work. I think I need to roll with the punches a bit more. To mix my metaphors, go with the current that flows through life and pick my moments to put my effort in.
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Oh boy I’m a CD mashup lately. Lots of life changes (I feel your pain @Hopeful777) lots of uncertainty. I think the ones I feel the most lately are caring to much what other people think of me(one person at work), which then turns to anger because I ASSUME they think badly of me, and how dare they when I do nothing but give my all(
)!
When said out loud, it sounds pretty stupid. But I feel it nonetheless. So, a plan is needed. I’ve never tried praying for someone else in this context so I will. I’ll pray for them for 2 weeks. I’ll also remember “ what other people think of me is none of my business.” I can’t control others. I’ll also cut the childish, passive aggressive crap I’ve been doing.
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Self-important. Me me me. Everything about me! Ugh. Thanks for letting me talk about me 
.
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Resentments and procrastination.
I’m starting step four, and in just a few minutes I felt overloaded with resentments, so I decided to work on it tomorrow.
My sponsor shared how he did the pray for somebody for two weeks things. He was so resentful over the person he was praying for that he prayed he died.
Months later he did. It was coincidental. My sponsor felt horrible about it.
He didn’t laugh when I asked what the prayer was, word for word.
It’s going to be a fun fourth step…
I’m vengeful. Hope to be able to let it go.
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CD of the day is anger, I let it slip in on me and it lasted for a few hrs but I with help of my H.P. and sober friends I didn’t stay there.
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My way or the highway 
I don’t consider myself a control freak but I have certain ways of doing some things and when someone else does them instead, and they do it differently, I usually bite my tongue, take deep breathes and let it go.
However, lately I’m finding it hard to stay quiet and my interfering is creating stupid arguments and family members getting annoyed with me.
Ahhhh it’s so stupid because the end result will be the same, I need to let that shit go and just let them do things their way. (Even though between you and me I think my way will be less messier/faster/more effective/better 
) Urgh. Stop sweating the small stuff!
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Over-sensitivity, hearing everything as criticism, and becoming defensive. I am not sure how to release myself from it either, my reaction is so ingrained and instant.
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Constant validation and if I don’t get it leads to his little brother, self pity which then leads to needing more validation. I want off this exhausting merry go round…
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Impatience and Judgement
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Carastrophizing. Usually I don’t have much phantasy but when it comes to this: here we go.
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Breathing… that about sums it up.
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Inability to let go. Wishing for things that will never come. Dwelling on the past and mistakes.
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Lack of Humility….
I really want to applaud you for blowing up your flaws. I heard no excuses, no rationalizations, just raw “here’s my shit”. This is how you’ll grow and change, by exposing your darkness to the light. Darkness cannot live in the light. Good work!
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Expectations.
Now what? LMAO
Pray, change, grow, talk about it. Forgive others and self for having them. Let it go, it will happen again. If our higher power wanted us perfect we wouldn’t be human.
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Resentments. Usually based on the movie I play in my head about how things could go that haven’t happened yet. Hand in hand comes avoidance of things that might be tough also based on the movie in my head.
Today, I’m living too much in my head.
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