Realising my loneliness is caused by own self isolation from the world due to worrying how i fit into it sober.
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I am realizing this too. It is difficult to navigate. I keep trying to put myself out there and still go to party’s ,weddings, comedy shows, but it’s just too much booze for me. I get quiet and irritated and end up not having a good time. I’m taking a break from trying for a while because all my attempts have made me feel worse at this stage in the game. I got 10 months. Hang in there. We will figure it out. It will get better.
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Thank you very much for this list, this is great stuff! 
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Hating smalltalk in groups …
It’s disturbing me most of the time.
With one person it might be okay,
but it’s also disturbing me sometimes.
And it’s really too much for me if everybody is taking at the same time and laughing and the details are all silly shit.
If I try to overcome it, i am soooooo inauthentic that it is more irritating then saying nothing and looking annoyed 
But anyway it’s totally okay to talk with me about a specific or scientific topic with all details and aspects, even at 5 am!
But please, no bullshit 
Thanks 
Nice thread, will search for more.
Okay, maybe it’s putting and arranging things in “one line” accurately and organizing it according to colors. Nice to have a coworker doing the same in our interim office we share atm.
And counting the items i am putting on the cash register tape at grocery store. That’s real nonsense, but always doing it.
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Identifying the defect is the easy part.
Being willing to work on it is the hard part,
Sometimes I’m not willing to part with a character defect because it still serves me.
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Very, very true. This couldnt be more spot on!
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Ur welcome! I dont even remember when i got this. I think it was from one of my sponsors back home. Thpught it was super useful tho bcuz somtimes I struggle with identifying the defect and then knowing what to do about it
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There is a whole lot of Wisdom in what you wrote @Bootz.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Two thumbs up 
What you wrote is so darn important because the fear factor is usually at the root of all my manifesting defects of character in some form… And booze was my liquid courage.
I never realized how big of a scaredy-cat 
I was until I sobered up and examined and labelled and traced my own acts and emotions through inventories with rigorous honesty.
I’ve noticed that many, many people relapse because they just won’t or can’t fearlessly and honestly do 4th step inventory facing or even finding their fears.
So please ramble on, you may save someones life sharing your words of Wisdom. 
PEACE
P.S. I thoroughly enjoy your humor too.
And I love this acronym or saying about FEAR.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
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I have finally started to delete some, but not all. So I am slowly loosening that tight hold on it. I don’t know why I keep those numbers. I have nothing more to say, amends have been made, I no longer hold resentment and have no need whatsoever for the numbers.
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Me too @Bootz. Mostly old colleagues but I’m not ready to delete them yet. I keep them in case they try to contact me, then I’ll know who it is. Not that I would answer their calls or texts and they probably won’t contact me anyway but I would want to know if they did.
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I am probably too fast to delete numbers. Probably bc I moved too often and I learnt that many contacts are transient. It’s sad to realise that it won’t stay but I try to shift perspective a bit. They have been important at some point in my life but now we moved on. It’s letting of. It’s sad sometimes but it’s always from both sides I think.
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I have prejudices against people driving certain car brands.
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Paranoia, everyone is talking about me, blaming me, hating me, judging me.
You know, cuz its all about me.
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Not participating in events (doesn’t matter if online or not) because I think “people don’t like you anyway so don’t even try”.
Dear brain: why?
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This one got me yesterday. I feel you.
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Self-pity, resentment, withdrawal.
All stemming from my fear of being disliked. All of which just make me MORE dislikable.
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I have lots but the one that stands out for me is i have zero patience
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CDoD : People Pleasing…
Coming out hot from two days of 100% full on people pleasing behaviours. Why is people pleasing such a terrible defect of character??? Because I am being untruthful in my needs, and wants. I’m not being authentic and staying true to my hearts desires nor taking care of what is best for me. Well it stopped today. I have been very good lately with taking care of my needs and not falling into people pleasing but over the holidays it was so hard, I gave them two days. I need to take care of myself now.
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Sounds like a good boundary. You work on you now.
Resentments hit me today. They really show up when I’m tired. Good sleep and waking up sober and refreshed for a new day should help flush those right out.
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