Thank you @Mno.
I don’t feel like a nuisance any more. This app and its valued members have been a god sent to me this time around. I am determined to succeed for once and for all.
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Thanks for this share Josh! It does suck but I do feel a bit more validated having looked him square in the eye about how he’s the one at fault here and him being the one to look away first. He moped away and played the victim and had to have the last word. I let him have it.
It’s a long row to hoe. I’m doubtful of there is going to be a repair of this rift. It’s too much for his fragile ego to examine his faults. I’ll just continue to be the son who’s the odd one. Addiction and codependency is rampant and as I work toward sobriety I’m definitely going to stand out. It’s somewhat freeing to know that I will no longer seek support where it isn’t given willingly. Though still sad.
Really appreciate the kindness!
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Oh yeah, I feel you. I dont know if any parents on here would agree but I think a lot of parents would agree that kids are an extension and a representation of themselves and with that comes expectations and ego. The two toughest things I find to manage are ego and expectations in any given situation; with my parents certainly, Dad was an awful culprit. His ego is rampant;I think our Dads would get on great!
Hes similar with his Granddaughter; he will ask my brother if he can see her but then he doesnt do the two hrs drive to go see her which In a way I can understand because I can imagine it’s a pain in the hole but surely, it’s worth making the effort, you know? Drives my brother crazy but he will always do the journey because he wants her to have her grandfather present.
Im the odd son too! So you’re not alone in that but definitely dont let that be an acceptable argument for your dads unreasonable behaviour.
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Thanks @Mno @TMAC @Fireweed and @Rose14 appreciate the support, I’m ok just having one of those moments where I can’t face being in my own head knowing I have no form of escapism for the rest of forever. But it seems manageable now just for today after some fresh air.
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Day 20. Feeling pretty awesome. Dealing with my own emotions is freaking tough, but that’s growth for you.
This upcoming week I have a WFS meeting on Monday, a LGBT+secular AA group on Tuesday, and a different (not LGBT) secular AA group on Thursday. I’ll see if I want to go to all of these each week, or if one jives with me more than the others, etc.
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We are very close to being sober twins 
not sure how I didn’t realize it sooner!
Yes we are! I joined TS on March 26, but March 1 is my sober date.
There is someone else on here with a twin-ish day as well. Can’t remember who right this second though.
Checking in day 135.
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Thank you so much. 
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Day 12 is about to end. I am feeling healthier. Things are starting to come back into focus. I wish I could just concentrate a little more on work. I keep thinking of going to an AA meeting, but somehow it never happens.
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- I learned that one of my biggest triggers/issues/reactions is having my feelings dismissed. I’m not sure where to go from here having realized this, but I’m going to work on it. Recently this forum kinda feels like it’s dismissing whole groups of people. I understand people process trauma differently. But coddling someone’s behavior that is clearly in the wrong is not ok. My “learned” behavior was to not stand up for myself because I was taught my feelings aren’t important growing up. So I’m frustrated today that when people here are saying “no that’s not ok” to someone’s belittling behavior, they are told they should have some more compassion. I understand it matters how you say things, I would never dismiss that point. I think there’s room for everyone’s opinion here. Everyone is dealing with trauma but everyone deserves to be respected regardless of someone’s mental state. I don’t believe it’s necessary anymore to allow others to walk all over me because “I know how to be the bigger person”. I can be the bigger person while standing up for myself.
Also, side note, this could be miss directed anger. Sorry!!!
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Forgot to check in yesterday.
Celebrating day 145.
Another sober day at church. 
Day 143 was tough. But im feeling much better now.
Thanks everyone!
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What is a court division program?
*Found the answer on internet! Long live Wikepedia!
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Hope the walk helped you Fran, how are you now?
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Thank you.
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Checking in.
Just finished mass, still really perplexed on how I feel about being Catholic. I will just continue to put one foot in front of the other I guess and see where it takes me. I pray to a HP and have faith but if I had to identify as anything specific I couldn’t… My week has been busy but great. Meetings everyday, working out everyday and taking care of ME. I am also fluctuating between HA and NA. Heroin anonymous does seem more fitting but it is slightly different than NA and something I guess I have to discuss with my sponsor. But I’m also confused on whether I want to keep my sponsor. Just because he’s been there is not enough of a reason to keep him. I continue to work on myself and slowly process and search for the answers to these questions. It doesn’t stop me from continuing to go to different meetings or continuing church. I won’t just abruptly stop something bc I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me. I feel that contradictory to my growth. Even with a lot on my mind in the process of trying to perfext my recovery, I see it as a total blessing and I’m grateful for this to be my problem in life… Life is good, I’m having problems now that are fucking awesome problems to have imo. Having patience and understanding is helping with all of this. I’m happy to be honest. I have no idea what my future is but I make the most out of today and continue to write my future with my presence right now in this moment.
Today I’m grateful and blessed to have these as problems. Strange to say but things used to be a lot worse and these problems are a blessing and I’m very grateful for my life
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Thank you, yes it definitely helped, feeling ok now, just tired out. How are you? X
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Checking in on day 53, inching closer and closer to 2 months, which I hope the using dreams start fading away!
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Had a very emotional day. Visit my uncle who just lost his wife. Beside that he looks a lot like my father who I haven’t seen for 13 years. So that 's confrontating. We talked a lot about him and about my mom who died 15 years ago.
So I’m emotional drained. Going to watch Netflix as a cure. Glad you are feeling better, a good long walk is the answer for a lot of things! 🙋
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