Hello,
Checking in at day 146.
More contention on TS then usual. But believe me, it’s much worse in other forums. Knowing that we’ll all pull through this together. I really love all you guys. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you. So thank you. 
It comes and goes. I find it no surprise that a full moon is on the way.
For me that pretty much sums up what all us addicts have been doing with our DOC @Jennajen And IMHO a big part of our recovery should be to find an answer to that question, and a way to break that behaviour and pattern that has shaped our lives. My life anyway. We are working on it. One day at a time. And by the way, we can only remove our ignorance by learning, by asking, by communicating. Working on that too. Hugs.
Thank you, Jenna. Those were very kind words.
Congratulations on making it to 50 days.
That was a very tricky milestone for me.
Day 128. Things are not bad. I had a mid life clarity moment yesterday, where I forgot what day it was. I sent someone a TGIF message even though it was Monday. It was because today is a holiday, and I was in holiday mode.
Earlier in the day I was in beast mode because I felt insulted by my boss, if he could be called that. There is some kind of drama going on at work that I am likely misinterpreting because no one there speaks English, let alone American. So I was really mad about nothing, and I was very frustrated by that.
I spent about fifteen minutes complaining to my wife about this, and how I not I’m not gonna put up with bullshit from anyone at this point in my life. Then I decided I should stretch out, and meditate to try and calm down.
It really helped! I felt better almost immediately. I highly recommend putting time into meditation each day. It was really an “ah hah” moment for me. Stay strong, stay sober out there!!!
Day 29 check in.
Nice to see you check in 
Checking in day 136.
I’ve been just getting my life in order and trying to figure out what my next move is and its been taking a lot of humbling myself and leaving it up to my HP and not having the answers when I want it was making me insane. Today I look the situation and it will happen when it happens and Ka’eo doesn’t need to know everything to have a stable life. Other then that I missed all of you fine sober people and it feels good to be missed cause it lets me know that people do worry and care for me when I go MIA.
Checking in.
Been asking myself this question a lot and asking others close to me as well. How do I trust women? I don’t know the answer to that question. I barely trust people as a whole. Learning just recently through therapy and step work where that character defect developed. Untrustworthy family issues, lead to untrusting my own body (Crohn’s), which then lead to simply just shutting down and not trusting anyone. I’ve been able to slowly develop trust among a small group of people but as I progress in my recovery and find stability my ultimate question with trust then comes up, “How do I trust women?” I’ve been using since 17, I was an extremely late developer from my Crohn’s. I didn’t start dating and having sexual experiences till 16-17. So I seriously have no clue what it’s like to be with someone when I’m actually sober. Now I’m no angel myself, I’ve help create this dilemma for myself as well. Cheating on partners, lying to partners about my addiction and once you open the box about lying it slowly finds its way for myself masking everything with lies… I’ve only known toxic relationships, I’ve only known unhealthy relationships, and relationships were both cheated and now that pattern has created a mental hurdle that I think the women I date are scandalous, not all women mind you just seemingly the ones I date. I’m having a good time getting to know this woman right now, I’m taking things extremely slooowww and I’m happy about that. But I can’t help at times second guessing myself when things go on thinking this woman must be like everyone other women I’ve dated. Thankfully and gratefully I am clean and sober. I am exuding patience and understanding. I am reaching out to people to talk but also seriously just doing what’s best and right for me. Idk if the person I’m talking to will even become something, but regardless through this I really would like to simply fucking trust women… To give the benefit of the doubt bc she deserves it. She’s not my past, I am not my past and I wouldn’t be naive and careless enough to soberly select the same type of women… I’m hoping with trusting myself more and more that I am making better selections in my life. How will I know? Idk, but I’m definitely willing to take the risk in my life and live life to the fullest!
Onnea 50stä Jennaaaaa!! @Jennajen
Upea saavutus, olen ylpeä susta. Tästä sun on hyvä jatkaa.
*All the love I need is within me
*Other people remind me of the deep love I already have within
*I have healed from my past mistakes
*I love myself
*I forgive myself
*I totally release past experiences
*I am free
Still here. Still kicking. Still fighting Each day is better than before!
464
Waking up to a gorgeous still and sunny morning in North Wales. The campsite is basic but beautiful. Brought an inflatable mattress which meant a good night’s sleep. Bracing myself for a dip in the sea this morning! First though a cup of tea.
Grateful to be sober, well rested and ready to start a new day.
Day 330 
Hi and bye! Forgot time here, have to go now!!
Back later! 🙋
thanks so much 
