Thanks @Dolse71 and @Clarity
I know we are all on that struggle bus right now. I’m not sure where my motivation is right now. Just sent a long text to the ex-hubs about it probably being better if my daughter goes back with him for a while. I know why I’m doing it. Come Saturday I’ll have the place all to myself if I do that. Bad Beth
However, I have a business to try to grow while under lockdown, easy peasy
I’m moving in three weeks and need to get my ducks in a row there. Might as well share pics of the new place. It’s the one thing I’m really excited about. These were taken by professional photographers in my area. The fancy arrow and heart artwork is all me. I try to keep my extreme graphic artistry skills under wrap, but I guess one time won’t hurt
Now if someone could afford to put me in a facility with a nutritionist and a personal trainer I’d really appreciate it. Bulking up for the apocolypse is not a productive use of my time.
realized part way through this list the words started with F so went back and changed the first one😉
Have a happy, healthy, and sober tuesday everyone. &
Day 252. Nothing new going on really…still working from home, still lifting, all the good stuff. Definitely missing band practice and shows, but I’m sure we’ll come back with a fire under us, ready to kick out the jams.
Day 1
Feeling better than yesterday Been making sure to take my medication also to help me feel better mentally. When I use I always forget to take it which really effects me. Feeling more productive and active also. Having some thoughts of using this morning but I’m just letting those thoughts float on by without dwelling on them. Today I am thankful for my family, my 1 day of clean time, and coffee
Yes, my main issue has been “acting in” with porn. However, I do consider myself a sex addict. There’s an obsession that runs much deeper than just pornography. It mostly spills over into relationships and objectifying others. That leads to intimacy issues, fantasy, etc, etc, etc. I can relapse alone in a dark room with no electronics on sight. Porn is the wading end of a large shallow pool for me.
I decided to give up alcohol when I started attending big book studies in my area. I 12- stepped in SAA using the aa big book so it is easy to make the jump. Besides, alcohol doesn’t really have any benefit. At the end of the day it’s poison. In excess, it brought out parts of me I don’t like.
Same goes with weed. If I start going down the road of using substances I am probably not far from a relapse. Same goes with overeating. I am an addict who knows all sorts of ways to self medicate.
My world was so black and white. If I wasn’t doing it perfectly I was failing at it. Recovery has taught me that I have to have a little love and tolerance for me. I’m going to make mistakes and I’m going to get wrapped up in codependent thoughts. I’m going to obsess about something dumb. I’m going to beat myself up for eating that chocolate or skipping that workout. But if I journal about it, make small adjustments and don’t act out. I’m probably going to make fewer mistakes.
If I’m focusing less on myself and more on being of service to others I don’t have time to act on those selfish thoughts as often either.
Thanks! Just another day. The 90th is easier than the 5th. I know the courage it takes to come back after a fall. I know it well. Keep coming back. The world needs you, now more than ever.
and @Clarity
& 
Been making sure to take my medication also to help me feel better mentally. When I use I always forget to take it which really effects me. Feeling more productive and active also. Having some thoughts of using this morning but I’m just letting those thoughts float on by without dwelling on them. Today I am thankful for my family, my 1 day of clean time, and coffee 
