- Woke up at 2 am with a sore throat. Started to worry about going to work. Hardly slept after. Got woken up by the alarm at 6:15 so must have slept a bit. Some very vivid violent dreams too. Throat feeling better. No cough no fever. I guess I’m OK. Here I go. Clean and sober. Have a good day all. Love from Amsterdam in spring. @Lil_Bit Congrats Kc! And @Dee134 too! Awesome work!
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Day 575 
It was nice to have a few days with my family. Did boardgames and enjoyed our garden. Walked in our neighbourhood to get some fresh air.
Try to stay connected to everyone outside my “bubble” with WhatsApp.
No cravings, but sometimes miss the feeling alcohol gave me. But playing the tape trough helps me stop romanticizing my addiction.
Off to work again. Still working with a lot of extern co workers because of sick people in my team. But I manage.
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Waiting for a meditation with a group to start I am sitting here. last day and today I guess are about grief. I have not talked to people in over 2 days due to easter. and the grief of losing due to my illness kicks in. Missing all my friends, especially some of the closest ones. People that left me during the proces of getting diagnosed, thinking it might be only in my head, people literally telling me they do not want to deal with illness because they miss the strong Mari. having to say good bye to my work, my home, sports. It usually makes me feel I have to fight and hold on, save what I can save. this gradually shifts to feeling the pain and the missing. especially my work and my best friend they keep popping up. I never allowed myself to feel sadness and now that I am sober again for a while my body allows it to come up. So I had to days of doing as less a possible, giving my medicine also time to settle in, feeling where to go. and every time I feel the shift to the future anxiety again, of all the uncertainty ahead which is linked to thoughts of drinking because it is better to give up all together. and then I take myself back again and agin to what I can feel and allow now. even doing one sun salutation in the dunes… maybe I can bring myself back to my spiritual practice to find a bit more juiciness in me. Have a good day you all. I am grateful I made TS and my sobriety my first priority of the day.
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Gooood morning all!
Checking in on day 15!
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Day 80 reset Now Day 1
Took a few days to get over how physically and mentally horrible I felt and the shame of resetting. Forgotten how low you can feel and the agony you feel.
Thought long and hard about my trigger. My overall conclusion was I was focusing on reaching 90 days, I was not paying attention to “TODAY”. That is my big “learn”. I got complacent, not doing my affirmations, my reading on sobriety etc.
Today feel stronger and back on the sober train.
Special shout out to all your replies it really meant the world to me and the only reason I am back here. Was just going to never log back in, but I care as much about your journeys as I do mine.
Thank you @Sam7 for checking on me and to my sober twin @GVLNative
Have a good sober day hope you all healthy and safe, and I am back spamming you all.
Marie
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and what a relief just to click on that “reply” button, thought I had lost myself 
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Day 2 check in! Feeling better ,going back to work ,Hope everyone has a good day!!
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Welcome back Maria. You’ve identified the trigger and that’s another tool to add to your toolbox. I personally enjoy all of your posts so don’t ever stop logging in. I’m very proud of you for jumping right back into sobriety. Remember, those sober days are not lost. Just a little bump in this long road. Sending you hugs. 
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You’re not kidding lol, I really feel annoying on this community when I complain. It is frustration within myself and I just really need to learn to be gentle to myself. Things are good and I need to keep remembering that. Compared to 3 months ago things are really good. Thank you for the reassurance that I’m not crazy lol
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Good morning everyone. Day 71, did a lil meditation music last night and through out was able to collect myself and really think of how good things have gotten, and I should be grateful. I feel annoying when I complain and post my negative feelings. I mean nobody wants to hear that, we all have issues we deal with daily, and I just have to pull through it and keep fighting.
I’m making it through till my next pay check with cash still in my pocket, I have one of those big 5 gallon buckets filling up with change and everyday I’m putting dollar bills in it. I bought myself a nice bike, I have two beautiful daughters who aren’t going to be young forever, I really do just need to cherish everything bc 71 days ago, I had nothing and tried killing myself. It’s crazy how my mind thinks things aren’t good for some reason now 
. Anyways hope you all have a good Tuesday
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Checking in sober today. Today makes 14 weeks (98 days) 
Stay strong, people!
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So interesting how some people are waiting around for you to start drinking again.
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Whoooohoooooo Marie, welcome back and congratulations on Day 1!!
Every time I reset I learn something (so I’ve learned a lot).
You have yet another tool in your toolbox for this go round.
I was where you are earlier this year. After 90 days I had a reset.
I was distraught and had to drink myself back to starting again (if that make sense).
Thought I didn’t have the energy or stamina.
However, taking it one-day-at-a-time is how you do it.
I am so glad you are back so soon and trying again!!!
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Day 85.31
I was out bike riding yesterday afternoon and noticed the clean trail rabbit had protective gear on.
Also, this morning scored fresh coffee!!! Yaaaaaassssssss!!!
Everyone have a lovely day!!!
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Day 1 sober . A sensitive day, I cried few times. But it was good, healing I will say. I have been blocked with my tears so many years. I need to cry and sometimes I can’t
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71 days and I still can’t cry either man, I mean I’ve had some days where I’ve had a few tears come out. But like sometimes I want to full on cry for like a minute and just let everything out and it won’t. Weird for sure, but congrats on day 1 keep it up
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Welcome back!! 
Glad you’re able to recognize your trigger as that will be very helpful.
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must say today, it is so good to be back here. Don’t care about my days just that I am back. Thank you
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Haha that bunny is funny! I would slap my momma for some coffee right about now lol. The Starbucks by my apartment is closed. Gave my coffee pot to my kiddo and the new one is in its box until I move Monday. Let’s see if I stay strong haha.
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