Checking in 
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Hey @MrCade. I am so sorry, somehow I only now see a mention of your messageā¦ thank you. It strengthens me to read the replies on my messages. Good to know honesty about the not so fun feelings can still make the connection. I realise now in these times lots more people experience these feelings, I was having a conference call with the gym where I teach and the owner was now going to all the emotions of not knowing where it goes and total no control over the course of his life and career anymore on a different leven then we normally have. This situation shows us another level of how we are really not in control of life (people, places, things right 
I have actually been in a similar program. I was bullied there and threatened behind the back of the counsellors first, when I talked about it it was pushed aside first so i thought it must be part of the approach of getting toucherā¦ little did I know. I was even afraid to sleep and in the end the had to take me to another place for my safety and arrange an early flight home. And it was probably all because they saw I was week since I was so kind and apparently gullableā¦ So I learned a lot about how far I am willing to go to be accepted, but I am never doing that again I put myself through so much shit there and had such impact on my trust. How can adult people treat each other like that???
How did you go about with the dreams and the feelings apparently behind that? or did they go away on its own?
sorry for the loooonggggg post again
Have a good day!
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Day 149! Today wasā¦ not super good. I had cravings for the first time in a while, and I think Iām just stressing myself out from working too much. Iām taking a break tomorrow though so hopefully that will help.
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Checking in ! Still in the hospital and countless really not pleasurefull diagnostics and actions fartherā¦ just had an extra photo to check for fluids in my longs becouse i almost cant breath but i hope after today things will go floor the better.
Hope everyone is fine and well, i send you all my love and grattitude
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Checking in sober Day 123.
Had to check the calendar several times this morning, it is May 9 right? MAY??? So why did I wake up to THIS this morning?!?
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Got 2 weeks here. Last week was so stressful. Kept having a ton of anxiety, depression, and insomnia. But I spent about 6 hours over a few days actually talking on the phone to friends and family. I am so not a phone talker, everything for me is texting. Felt good to actually have some real conversations. I was more connected.
A couple of times felt the urge to go out and get a drink. Then remembered if I did that, it would only exacerbate all those bad feelings I was having after the drink wore off. Hoping next week will be better!
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No apologies necessary. Sometimes I overlook my messages and respond a whole month later 
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I donāt know what kind of program you were in, but it sounds dreadful. I hate to hear that you were bullied. That is not therapy. Your counselors should have put a stop to that immediately. So sorry to hear that. Perhaps there is another outpatient program you could try?
As for the dreams, I have no control over them. I just try to wake myself up and then, when Iām still half asleep, I imagine a dream that would be nice to have. Usually, I can sort of start a new dream thatās not so bad. I typically have nightmares when Iām going through a stressful time, but Iāve noticed that if I talk about my fears and share my worries with someone else, it helps to get the problems out of my head, so I donāt have to dream about them later.
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Congrats!!
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Checking in at 9.0 days. Craved a bit yesterday but it wasnāt too hard to pull through. I like the little life Iām making for myself here. Starting to feel better from corona and withdrawals, so why mess it up.
However, as yāall know, Iām freakishly shy. There was this dude in the elevator with a 12-pack of beer and Cheetos. I said āCheetos and beer, thatās whatās up!l He laughed and said āwhat else are we supposed to do, right?ā We had a nice chat for a few floors. Itās funny because I would die before drinking beer, but now Cheetos are my jam. Especially the jalapeƱo cheddar kind! Anyway, proud of myself for saying words to a stranger 
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Yes on pineapple shirt! Pics or it didnāt happen
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ā¦ and just had a nice conversation balcony to balcony at 9:30am with a drunk lady two floors up 
canāt judge, that was me a a little over week ago, and I donāt know, for years
She obviously initiated the conversation haha
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Checking in on day 2.
@Conor689908 Thank you. 
@Dolse71 It sure does. I NEVER want to feel like I did yesterday ever again. 
@Bomdhil Thank goodness for that little bit of truth. I look forward to watching our numbers increase. 
Thank you everyone for your kind words and posts yesterday. It helped tremendously to get me through a very hard day.
I am nowhere near back to ānormalā today, but I am feeling 100 times better than I was yesterday. So, thatās a good start!
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Yesterday achieved 19 months sober AF (and some 2 weeks vape/nicotine free). I could remember how it was about 2 yrs ago when even 19 hours without a drink was a miracle, or 19 days impossible. I had almost lost my faith and hope of ever becoming sober. Gaining back my life and learning to live a new one has required blood, sweat and tears. Iāve questioned the worth of it and been ungrateful. Itās part of the lifelong recovery process I suppose. Id still rather take the odd shitty days sober than the continuous nightmare of abuse. Have a great sober weekend all and value every achieved moment up from zero 
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Miss Banana, 19 months! Onnittelut! You are awesome and Iām so thankful to have crossed paths with you along our journeys. Itās been a pleasure getting to know you and having you as a part of my life. Youāre a wonderful soul. Iām glad I stumbled upon the daily greeting crew 
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So proud of you for talking to a stranger! Super glad youāre feeling better and good enough to get out.
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Your such a deserving person may light shine on you for all eternityā¦ as long as its a day at a time anyway., 
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