@Joy thank you!!! I love your shining presence in this app. You and people like @liv_m @Girlinterrupted @Dolse71 help me to keep trying and really wanting to be sober. You are my heroes
5 Likes
I just have to tread lightly, due to hypersensitivity. Sometimes, easing into a conversation has the same effect as just dropping an atom bomb on the topicā¦
When things do change, itās usually for a short time, and eventually Iām back to a majority shareholder in household stuff. I guess I just donāt understand the logic behind using the last paper towel, putting the empty roll in a overfull trash can, not closing it up and putting that in the big bin outside, and grabbing a new rollā¦or coming downstairs to grab a drink, while leaving 4 empty cans, 1 bowl, 2 plates, and a coffee mug upstairsā¦
I plan on saying something today. I just needed to calm down a bit and gather my thoughts.
7 Likes
Day 294. Up at 4:30 to workout. Hit a new squat PR (now sitting at 315!!!). Iām officially 145 pounds away from the 1000 club. So close, I can taste it!
New stuff for the home gym coming this week. Work is work. Just another day here.
Have a strong day!!!
15 Likes
Missed checking in here a couple of days - apologies to all! Still sober, today is Day 126 (18 Weeks!)
Sunday I told my story at an AA Speaker Meeting. I also used it as an opportunity to practice Step 5 - 'Admittedā¦to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." I spoke about my struggles with denial and playing the victim rather than facing up to my problems. I shared how my being a people pleaser, approval seeker and perfectionist has been an obstacle to my healing, leading me to create stories about what happened rather than accepting what actually happened. I apologize for blaming others. I may not have known better then, but I know better now and now act according to that knowledge.
My name is Marc and Iām an alcoholic.
17 Likes
There is a really good meditation series on Calm called Relationship With Others. Has helped me through some tricky conversations! Might have some spare guest passes if youāre interested 
1 Like
Day 734 sober -
I feel like my heart is shattered into a million pieces - and what if left is just numb. I know I wonāt always feel like this, but right now I can hardly breathe from hurting. I keep telling myself that my family is physically healthy and that is what matters, but I have never experienced an emotional loss like this. I keep trying to use the tools I know - even one day at a time isnāt cutting it. One minute at a time is how I am living.
I know that my higher power is with me. If I didnāt have thatā¦I donāt even know what would happen. Because of that, I am sober and safe. But each breath is filled with so much pain and fear.
Thanks for listening.
23 Likes
Hang in there Menno. Iām glad you have the beauty of nature all around you to help you through. I hope your day gets better 
1 Like
I am so sorry to hear you are hurting Holly. Please know you are never alone and always thought of with love.
It is okay to feel shattered ā¦ and wander in the unknownā¦sometimes the path is murky. Know as well that you truly are a fierce warrior ā¦look at all you have overcome. I have faith in you and am sending you strength and healing juju.
5 Likes
Haha thatās what I did yesterday. I went left 
What are you going to do, right? One day this will all be a distant memory. Been quarantined alone for almost two months, so having one of my kiddos here is like a damn party lol
3 Likes
Iām so sorry you are hurting so badly. Wish I could take it away. Itās suffocating to feel that way. If there is anything I can do at all, just send a PM. Sending love and hugs.
2 Likes
Oh Holly I donāt know whatās happened but we are here with you too, a minute at a time 
4 Likes
Hugs Holly. Thank you for sharing your pain during a difficult time, it shows how truly strong and brave you really are x
This too shall pass
You are loved.
Iām so glad youāre here and sober.
3 Likes
Whatās up?
Love those rhododendron (had to look that spelling up!). They are all out around here too, the weather is due to pick up again this weekend so I will try and get up early for a walk in the woods to enjoy them.
1 Like
Day 2. The best I have ever done on longer stretches is: 1. Focus on one singular day and a goal of putting my sober head on my pillow at night. 2. Focus on what I am gaining, not losing - what a gift being present for every moment is. That early agitation leads to later peace. I recognize I havenāt stayed with a program long enough to reach my potential.
I will not forfeit anymore of my presence. I will feel deeply again, all the feelings - good and bad. Meditation, contemplation, diet, journaling, podcasts, and of course - TS which is always the first thing I step away from when I am about to spiral.
13 Likes
Morning friends 
Well I am almost at day 3. Feeling great so far and feeling positive about my recovery (even though day 3 and 4 is usually the hardest for me). Last night I recieved some $$. Didnt do anything with it so its sitting in my bank account. Today my mind is turning with thoughts of using. But for right now, I am going to plan my day around recoveryā¦ an online NA meeting, talking to others on here, and then going shopping for things I need. Iām going to get off my butt and try exercising today. I MISS THE GYM!!! Ugh 
home workouts are NOT the same just bcuz I dont have the proper equipment. But I have to get my body moving. Cardio & weights are my biggest form of self care. I havent worked out in like a month I think I am also going to make a list of my reasons to stay clean. I find that i do play the tape to the endā¦ but what gets me is that I think itll be different this time. It never, ever is. I wish my brain would just cooperate with me haha hope everyone is having a great day/night so far 
12 Likes
Ooooh!! Loving the visual 
1 Like
Love that!!! Focus on what Iām gaining, instead of losing. Never thought of it like that. Really changes my perspective of recovery. Thank you for this Congrats on your day 2! Iām working on day 3 myself
2 Likes
Awesome!!! Hereās my happy dance 
2 Likes
Can you find some workouts on YouTube or something? I know what you mean about doing it at home.
1 Like