Home with the kids today, two days sober. We’re having friends over on Friday, and it’s making me nervous. It’s my usual drinking Pal and his family. I’ve never managed to stay sober in that situation before. But I’ve told him that I’m planning to do so this time. We’re still having a opened bottle of my favorite champagne in the refrigerator from this Saturday. And it’s been calling my name all day, I know I probably should pour it out, but I just can’t get myself to it. So in the process of stopping myself from actually drinking I’m eating, snacks, a lot of things I shouldn’t have like carbs, candy, ice-cream. Kind of a bad day. I’m supposed to join my first online meeting this evening with NA and that makes me even more nervous. So that’s why I’m spending a lot of time in this forum today.
I hope you were able to get some sleep and well deserved rest. That sounds upsetting for sure. I know it is hard when we are at odds with our family. 
Day 37! I’ve almost made it through a long holiday weekend without a drink. I went to 2 bonfires this weekend, and did not have a drop of alcohol!
Pour it out Sophia! You can do it. Make the voice stop. It will be therapeutic too.
Day 457. Having a pretty tough time of it atm. Lockdown is really starting to wear me down and the loneliness is intense. I’m retreating into myself which is never a good sign. Its a battle to maintain my trust in this process, to have faith that things will work out. Right now is just about as tough as sobriety has been for me since the first couple of weeks.
Glad to see everyone doing so well tho 
@zzz you are doing great!!! I am proud of you!!!
Day 7 here. Some stress starting the week, to deal with others is not an easy thing for me sometimes and in my job I have to deal with problems almost all the time. I pray not to feel overwhelmed and take the things easy
Good morning, happy Monday 
Well its morning in my little part of the world. 7:30 am. Thankfully, I feel awesome n ready to start my daily home workout. It could’ve went completely different. Last night was on a good friends Zoom birthday party n everyone including the birthday girl were drinking . Mostly actors actresses musicians as she is. It was of course very triggering. Why not, how could it hurt, I’ll just drink tonight. Everyone’s having fun. Then I thought about a picture I posted earlier next to my daughters picture. We both decided to buzz our own hair very short n how proud I was of her, n how happy n confident she looked. Then looked at my picture, my eyes were clear my skin looked great n I was also proud of who I was , sober. N how I’ve been getting feedback from Facebook friends, n how I’m motivating them with my early morning workout post n being out early biking. All of it would be gone in a second by taking that one drink. Because I know it never stops with one. That just starts a continuous downward spiral. So last night i won n this morning I’m happy. Wow, didn’t expect to get emotional writing this
I guess release is good n part of the journey. One day at a time right. Thankful for this safe space n everyone here sharing n motivating each other. 
Hold on !! You’ve been on track and i really get you in the isolation thing… It sucks and takes away every structure that you had carying on in life. It drives me crazy 2 but in the end the alternative is another kind of isolation again called our addictive life behind us that kept us captured.
Hang on !!!
Hey buddy, was just thinking the other day that we hadn’t seen you in a while. Glad to see your number still up there, but sorry to hear you aren’t doing so well.
Feel free to PM me if you’d like, I think we have some things in common in terms of music and collecting if I’m remembering correctly. Reach out anytime you feel like having a chat Pretty isolated here as well!
Good to see you friend. I find it hard times too. No idea where we all are heading. I just know with absolute certainty drinking wouldn’t make anything better. Nothing. The opposite would be the truth. it’s better to face these times as well as our own problems sober. Keep going. You got some great numbers there.
@050Nl @Becsta Thank you both. Its true, drinking will not help in the slightest, and playing the movie forward has got me out of a couple of sticky situations recently. Its not even that I want to drink, I just want to numb, to not feel this way. I do speak to people fairly regularly, my friends have been great, but once the call is done I stare at these 4 walls and it often makes me feel worse. And then I retreat away. I don’t do meetings but Im starting to think that it would be a good time to start. There are things that I just don’t feel comfortable talking about. My mental health is taking a battering atm.
Checking in sober, Day 139.
Happy Memorial Day!!! 
Thank you to those that served, especially those that made the greatest sacrifice!!! Stay strong, stay safe, stay socially distant, stay sober!
Thank you!
I’ve been trying to do step work, but it’s been difficult with what’s going on. I do go to Zoom meetings daily. I’m kind of just hanging by a thread at the moment.
D 716
After a decent day yesterday, back in the shit today. Just hurting. I miss her. I just don’t know what to do with all this inside me.
I did an exercise yesterday that I had read about that I suppose can be used for any kind of loss. I wrote her a letter. Not with the intent of sending it, I think the purpose is more to get the words and feelings out. It helped to a degree, but I get the sense I’m going to need to write a lot more letters.
Thanks man. Really appreciate it. It would be nice to chat records some time. Building up a bit of a jazz collection has given me a little project since lock down which has kept me busy. I miss saturday mornings down at my local record shop greatly. I’d seen some of your recent posts and am sorry to hear you are having a tough time also. For many people like us we work so hard to stop isolating, and then suddenly we a forced to. Its tough.
I need to expand on my jazz collection. I have a good amount of jazz fusion, but not as much traditional jazz. It’s great early morning/late at night music. My favorite I have was one of my first record purchases ever, John Coltrane “Lush Life”. Can’t really go wrong w/ Coltrane.
I recently got Dave Brubeck “Jazz Impressions of Japan”, that’s an interesting one inspired by his time in Tokyo.
What have you picked up recently?
My favorite record store in the area is only 10 mins from my new place. Looking forward to getting back there. I’ve never really talked to anyone there, but am going to try to be more social and meet some fellow music aficionados.
Thanks for saying so – and yeah, you’re right. I love a good amount of solitude (possibly to an unhealthy degree sometimes), and now it’s just pure overkill. I’d be fucked if it weren’t for my dog.
Thanks pal, you are 100% right. Wouldn’t help at all and its always good to hear someone else say it. You are doing brilliantly and I can’t wait to see you post your 1 year! Who knows, once this is all over perhaps i’ll take another trip to Amsterdam and we can hang out again👍 I was actually planning a trip to Rotterdam when all this kicked off.
Arghhhh not Rotterdam!!! Never say that to an Amsterdammer. It’s a rivalry worse than Newcastle v Sunderland or Liverpool v Manchester. Joking aside, I’ll meet you in Rotterdam too. Only 40 minutes by train. It’s an interesting town. Too bad there’s all these Rotterdammers living there 
.
Thank you!!
Yeah, Coltrane is pretty much my favourite. If I could only listen to one jazz record for the rest of my days it would probably be Love Supreme. That and a pot of coffee on a Sunday morning is 
I’ve not heard Lush Life so will check it out!
Here’ a few of my favourite recent pick ups. All cheap as chips at my local.
My town hosts the biggest jazz festival in the UK which is meant to be now, called off sadly. I don’t have a copy unforts, but check out Vietnam: The Aftermath by Billy Bang. Incredible jazz violin.
Yeah, I enjoy my own company but this is too much. I find myself being quite mean to myself recently which had slowed down before lockdown. I’m thinking of getting a cat once this is all done, a pet would be a good thing for me I reckon.