Sending compassion and understanding your way
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Motivation is garbage today. One of my guys finally came to the office yesterday, albeit the one that drives me insane. However, Iāve been isolated by myself since March 17th, so it was nice to have someone there. My one daughter stayed with me at one point for little over a week, but I blew that with drinking. I hate myself sometimes.
Another one of my guys is coming by today, heās my OG and my absolute favorite, so Iām super excited to see him. Hopefully life will slowly return to normal. Isolation is th kiss of death with BPD, so having people Iām comfortable with and trust come around really helps.
Iāve always thought I was extremely introverted, but Iām realizing that it might just be my insecurities that Iām not good enough to be out in the world. I canāt even look at people, I look down because I donāt want to insult anyone by looking at them. Hard to explain. Grateful to have therapy tomorrow.
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I use a daily planner for everything. I also have a planner to track my husbandās medical needs. I have the monthly calendar for all appointments, and finally I use the calendar on my phone, which is linked with my husbandās phone. Massive tracking system. Always looking for a better framework to organizeā¦
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Day 1.11 no alcohol. I am reaching out today seeking a local community to join in my journey of sobriety.
Blockquote
When you canāt believe, you make believe.
Blockquote
Father Brown
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Lol I had Monday off so it totally through my whole week off. Itās day here so youāre closer to Friday !! Lucky lady
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Oh yesā¦ How many of those beautiful moment where lost? Forgot in a pitch black-out, maybe? My girlfriend sometimes tells me about some beautiful moment we shared together, and in my head Iām just āohā¦ I might have been drunkā¦ā but she didnāt knew so I just stare with a stupid smile.
Thank you for sharing this. When we fantasize about āpowering downā with alcool, we tend to forget how sober we can āpower upā, ālevel upā, and figure out some much more beautiful ways to calm ourself. Howās day 3 going for you?
@LeeHawk hey, how are you holding up? I thought about you when I woke up this morning, I hope youāll have a comprehensive and fertile meeting, with an understanding and responsive manager. Let us know how it went. Howās day 3 so far ?
@Amm good job on making it to day 2.
This morning of day 4 is just this. I hope your 3rd morning was that good again 
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Day 1 sober. I donāt justify myself I accept responsibility and work harder in my recovery.
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@Girlinterrupted 
You are amazing, and I mean it. I understand and participate of some of your feelings. So many times I just want to disappear!!! . 
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Sorry youāre struggling @Quit4myDaughter. Youāre right on thinking that whiskey will do you no good. Itās just poison - as you told me once. And cheap poison at that. Can you get some solitude time at the beach? Maybe clear your head? Rest your body and mind. Stay strong and reach out. Weāre rooting for you.
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Thank you, @WCan. Iām holding up. I managed to eat a little yesterday. Hadnāt had any food since Sunday night. I just want the chat with my manager over with. She is a gem of a manager. Was great when I had to check in to rehab last October. I have to put my sobriety first going forward. But she also depends on me to get work done. Iām really ashamed at this point. Iāll check back in after my meeting this pm. Thanks for thinking of me.
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Big hugs to you @Natnat. Thatās so hard. Bless her. Good on you for recognizing her pain and wanting to make amends. Iām sure in time youāll regain her full trust and wounds will heal. Praying that for you both. 
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@050Nlā¦ Hi Joost. Iām still holding up in isolation. Iāve had some hard days lately but Iām managing to go to bed clean and sober. Thank you for asking.
How are you feeling my friend? I see youāre stacking up those days nicely. Iām so proud of the way youāre maintaining sobriety during your surgery recovery. Give Nala cuddles from me. Sending loves and hugs to the both of you. 
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Day 19, my husband is coming home. I thought that itāll only be for the weekend like usual but heās made arrangements do heāll come home everytime after work, everyday, or at least almost every day if he doesnāt work a 24 hours shift.
Heās bringing a roommate so heāll be able to have a job vehicle at home and a workmate to go on shifts with.
For the first time in 10 years, heāll come home everynight.
Kids are having their school graduation tomorrow, and one of the boys turns 10 on Sunday.
My teen just called (sheās 17) to say that her and her boyfriend is coming to spend the weekend as a surprise.
So Iām having a great day, weather is warm and weāre planning some summer hikes.
Unfortunately thereās a little cloud on my rosy
sky. A little cloud that tells me that this is definitely a time to celebrate with Champagne,if not now so when? Itās was already a craving yesterday but itās getting stronger today. I still have my sweet tea, pepsi and sparkling water. But it just donāt work.
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you know the drill,if it becomes very hard, just think i wont drin this hour or even minute and play the tape. i believe in you, good luck
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Good job on the days, do this for yourself and stay sober so you can enjoy these moments with everyone and actually take them in. You wonāt regret it in the end and youāll feel stronger after these thoughts go away
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Why does celebrating have to equal champagne? Thatās what my friend calls āalca-logicā itās alcoholic thinking that you need to smash to bits. It will do you no good. Celebrate by being present and enjoying the time with your family. Sobriety is enough to celebrate!
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Right back at ya sizzzā¦ iām in a kind of isolation as well for the time beĆÆng so i can imagine how you feel.
My wounds are finaly appearing to start healing so thats good news. Thnx for your kind words and much love from Nala and me !! Bless
And keep on going
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12 and a half days sober it was my 40th birthday yesterday not a drink passed my lips or my thoughts
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