U would love it and hate it at that first sip? That’s powerful I may have a diff substance but I can promise u I relate with that but think about once it’s in our system that overwhelming feeling of defeat and being petrified with the voice telling u that ur stuck again now that’s unbearable
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Day 253.
Just took Josie for a 30 minute ‘walk’.
I think I did 43 steps 
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I’m very well. Had a great start to my day. I am feeling more and more confident that I can handle any stress and unexpected event thrown my way without the need for a drink. I am so glad I found this app. The people on here are so encouraging and honest. I can’t go to real AA meetings right now. Hopefully they will be back soon, but I am not craving or desiring alcohol very often (mayne 2 times in my 24 days) so I feel confident that I can do this. The meetings are a help and I know there are online forums but I like face to face better. If I think I would slip I would jump right on here and ask for the help I need. You stay strong and let us enjoy this beautiful journey together. It is quite a wonderful thing. Pink clouding? I don’t believe that’s what is happening for me. I just beat the living shit out of myself enough times for enough years that I am ready to grow up and take the bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground. To never forget the utter deapair I have felt at times and be grateful for each and every day of sobriety. I am not surging with happiness, just a real respect for how lucky I am to have this chance to find myself again after all these years. I hope you do to. Nice hearing from you and thanks for asking how I am. It’s nice to know someone cares. Sorry I went so long. Lol
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Thanks Nat!! 
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Day 93. its good to be me.
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Day 54 
feeling great today!
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absolutely awesome!!!
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GREAT accomplishment. Keep it going. 
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Apologies at the outset for the length of this… I was sooo busy at work yesterday and then slept 9 (bajillion) hours and now I’m all jacked up on 2 cups of my special dark roast coffee (Princess of Darkness 
) and some of you touched on things I wanted to respond to…
@Girlinterrupted About being torn about divorce? Right after my ex and I decided to end things (almost 10 years ago) we started getting along well. Marriage counselor said that in some cases, this is normal - because the pressure is off to make things work. And we were working on a common project again (of dismantling our marriage, house, etc.) We still get along - we share the now aging dog 
when either of us is travelling for work - or was, pre-covid, but I’m very glad we didn’t give it yet another try… I agree with the others: there’s never an excuse for abuse. Keep rockin’ the sobriety!
@Salty 2nd anniversary of my late Dad was in May. I can relate - I still get tears almost every time I walk into the hardware store - one of his favourite places 
and I expect it will be a long time before I don’t, and that’s ok. (Though my home projects, er, need some work!) I think the fog of grief is starting to lift now because I’m not trying to cope with a glass in my hand - it made it worse, not better. Sending you virtual hugs and super soft kleenex. I’m guessing your folks are pretty proud of you and adore the little guy 
@Four2020 Yep, I can relate again. I’d get home from work, do some kind of exercise to rationalize that I had a healthy lifestyle, and then pour a glass. After Dad died, Mom (with dementia) was moved into a seniors home, and we’d talk on the phone every night, about all of the changes (HARD) - me with glass in my hand, as you say. I would visit her every month, since I live in another city, but I haven’t now since Feb. because of covid - also HARD, so there were even more glasses, and by springtime, I knew I needed some help if I was going to change things…
Despite my stops/starts/sputter-sputter-cough-hiccup/bonk (a colleague said I “relapse lite”, but they are relapses, no matter what you call them) - it’s definitely better, and I know I want to do it differently. Sh*t is always going to happen, but unless I’m sober, I’m afraid how far down rock bottom could be. I’d rather say I’ve found it already, it was low enough - and that I can do this sober, whatever life puts in my path. I go to the hardware store for the tools I need, I will come to TS and my good pals for help when I need it too, but no more glass in hand. That tool didn’t work. Let’s keep shaking off the shakey!
@Bootz About the caregivers at your Mom’s place? I can relate again! (Though honestly, they have done an amazing job - thank goodness). That is my big stressor right now, and one that is out of my control. Emotional sobriety is going to be most of this journey for me, I think - learning that the only thing in my control is how I react and respond to the things around me. I have my work cut out for me
@Fargesia_murielae Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.
Wishing all of you a beautiful, sober day!
M
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Oops - I meant to send my last post to all of you, but replied to @Fargesia_murielae,
but now that I’m typing again…!
@Hidden I wish you peace, joy, inner acceptance of who you are - all those good , healthy things you want, that we should all strive for. Thank you for the example of you. And oh my hell, what I wouldn’t give for 5 weeks off too! Haven’t had that since around grade 9 or 10.
@Mno and @MrsOdh I think most North Americans go crazy when you tell us these things 
Happy Canada Day to all. Glad that I have no craving to celebrate with a glass in hand (it helps that it is cold, rainy, bbq’s and fireworks are cancelled due to covid! ). Glad to share my journey with you.
M
I am writing this from Treaty 8 lands. Treaty 8 was signed in 1899, spans approximately 840,000 kilometres, and is home to 39 First Nations communities in BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, and the Northwest Territories.
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Congratulations 
this is absolutely amazing. It’s an honor to follow your story and to be a part of it. I hope you had a great sober day 
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I’m so happy to hear that, your response made my soul happy. Don’t worry about it being long, all my posts are usually. I’ve got a writers soul, I always write half of a novel. And yes I do talk just as much in real life once I start talking. For the most part I observe first and then I decide if I want to talk with the people involved or not. Mostly not 
but those who are closed to me would probably say that I don’t ever stay quiet.
Finding yourself is hard, I think it’s like an eternal struggle because everything changes all the time and we as humans changes with it. But there’s defenitly some things that we can find, like things that makes us happy, things we like to do or things that makes us happy. Or sad, because no one is happy 24/7 every day all year, not even the people on Instagram. That’s why this app is so awesome. We don’t fake it, we all struggle, some days are crap and other days like your day today is lovely. And most of us have the same goal. To stay sober no matter what. I think the pink cloud thing is different for everyone it’s complicated like most other things in life.
Also I’m certain that there’s a lot of people here caring for you and how you feel.
And with that I’m wishing you a goodnight. 
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Day 217. Life is good. Goodnight
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Doing fantastic! Went on my morning hike and meditation time. Did group therapy, had a healthy lunch, now debating with to lift weights before doing some step work!
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Thank you!
Sliding in on day 40.
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@Fargesia_murielae thank you so much for asking and sorry for the delay.
I am finishing day 5 really tired but with good spirits. I am taking my time to live well 24 hours. I don’t want to think in the future because I get very discouraged
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