Day 15. Had a nice rainy day indoors. Spend some time with my family today. No complaints.
Officially jealous!!!
Let the cream cheese sit out for like an hour so itās super soft, add the sugar and vanilla, mix that up well but not like super fluff, then add the 2 eggs and beat those in. Pour it into the crust, bake for 30 minutes at 350. Pop it out, let it sit for for about 30 and then into the fridge. Ready to eat in about 4 hours.
Posted in the now closed mask thread.
Day 893, great day, cleaned, put up an outside light, stayed soberā¦ pretty much perfect day.
286 Days. Finished my DUI class today but Iām frustrated. I had my individual evaluation, explained that I went to detox, IOP and continued AA meetings over the past 9 months. They need a note from IOP in order to release my driverās license. Iāve left numerous messages to get this note and no return calls. It had to be done today to get my license in 10 days. Now Iām stuck waiting another week before theyāll submit the realeae and thatās only if they get the note. Then Iāll wait another 10 days from that point. Ugh!
They also ordered me to 4 months of AA meetings which isnāt a problem just a pain in the ass to get proof and mail in every month. I have to get interlock installed on my car and get certificate to motor vehicle when they open next week.
Iām trying so hard to let go of my past but this shit is dragging on and on. I feel like itās never ending between the money I keep putting out and my punishment. The DUI was early Sept 2019 and I wonāt be free until Aug 2021 when the interlock comes off. Thatās not including 3 years worth of surcharges to pay to the state and insurance.
It all got so overwhelming today and I just sat and cried. Not just because of the DUI but I have a ton of other life challenges going on at the same time. I feel like Iām not catching a small break no matter how hard I work my recovery.
Aw Lisa, sending you 
and hugs. At least you are showing up, every day, and taking responsibility, working your recovery. That takes guts and courage and I consider you one of the ābench strengthā on this team, showing me how to do this.
I hope hard for brighter days ahead for you! Hang in there,
M 
Thank you Emm. I hope you had a happy Canada day.
Thatās alot to deal with, you really are stronger than you know. I hope the cry helped. Youāre getting er done sweetie. 
Thanks Donna. The cry did help. Usually Iāll hold it in thinking āIām strong, I can handle thisā then I realize, Iām human and a good cry canāt hurt.
It really does help to refocus and move forward.
@Lisa07
That sounds like a lot, I can understand why u felt like crying, and hope it helped a little.
Day 12
Beautiful sunny day today, but I am stuck inside doing work. Things have got so confused and behind, partly due to the nature of online teaching, partly my being genuinely busy with other important stuff, and partly my relapse. Feeling a bit stressed and guilty, but of course, only staying sober and actually getting stuff done will fix that.
Checking in on day 30. Pretty busy days. Coming back home, I am happy spending healthy evenings. Hi to all!
Sometimes itās good to cry. You are amazing, sending big hugs and positive thoughts your way
That sucks Lisa, you are working so hard. Even if it doesnāt feel like it right now, you are making amazing progress and you will come out the other side of this stronger.
- Coffee. Itās my weekend and I could and would sleep in but I canāt. Not sure why. I donāt feel particularly bad or anxious or anything. Just tired. The gyms reopened yesterday, with a lot of safety rules in place. Have a reservation to train this afternoon. Not allowed to shower. I sweat like a pig while exercising so will see how that goes. Otherwise not planning much today. Had some intense days at work. Feel the need to relax. Like I did right after work yesterday. Lovely communal flower garden close. It must be at about its peak right now. Have a good day all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
@Lisa07 Sorry Lisa. Trudge along. Better times will come. They will. Keep walking the straight and narrow lady. Big hugs.
Three weeks until my current employment contract ends. My boss wants me to work one day a week over the summer so I can work on a project I started, if the board agrees. That would work well for me, give me a couple of months with a little bit of my own money while I get other things off the ground. So thatās happening!
Have been having some arguments at home the last couple of days. Bf and I are in different places about getting a dog and itās stressing us both out. I am struggling to apply principles of conflict resolution to the situation because it is very emotionally charged and that is affecting how we both approach the conversation.
Frustrating because we were supposed to be having someone from a rescue round on Monday to do a home check and now I donāt know if I will have to cancel, which will make me look like a bit of an idiot. Plus I really want a dog.
Am sure we will work it out, we always do, but for now Iām feeling sad and angry with him and the whole situation.
Day 605. My trying isnāt good enough, I canāt keep up with the basic stuff in my day, Iām sinking into a hole, making an effort doesnāt seem to translate to making a difference, my day just disappears along with my energy and it feels like I donāt even get a chance to change how that happens. I want a break. But this is my break. Itās not going to get easier, I have to get it together now, especially if Iām going to start getting where Iām supposed to be with things. I feel inadequate, guilty, ashamed, dysfunctional, hopeless, incompetent at my life. How am I still here in life after all this time trying to get better? Canāt even flipping take care of myself properly on my own. Flopping into bed off schedule without even putting away the groceries, making or eating dinner, returning emails or calls, mandatory group therapy homework, or doing any of the dayās cleanup. Oh because I was busy with something right? No, I had nothing really even going on, I just couldnāt keep control over my mind. I didnāt even realize it was all happening, Iām just so unbelievably distracted. I had lists, I had reminders, I had every intention, I just canāt hold on to one activity unless it yanks my attention over to itself repeatedly.
Tomorrow I just need to keep my body running and get through my DBT group without quitting like I wanted to last week. I want to at least manage that. Who TF knows whatāll be next.
Im proud of you big guy 