Checking in sober.
Clean but calm, not so much. Last Friday, I had this get-together with a fellow from my fellowship, who is also the chairman on the Friday meeting. We went sailing, he made us diner before the actual meeting and… we kissed. At the meeting I felt a bit awkward as he had told another fellow - who joined the meeting as well - he was meeting me that day and I felt dishonest and hypocritical for not complying with the rules. I went to pick up my 60 day badge, so I just shared a little something about that.
This morning I had another (women’s) meeting and this “secret” has gotten so big inside my head over the past couple of days, yet I couldn’t bring myself to the point of sharing because I was afraid of judgment. I don’t know why I’m so filled with guilt, I just am. This almost caused me to relapse this afternoon.
Luckily, I’ve shared it with an old colleague (who is also a fellow from another fellowship) right before checking in on here, so I’m sort of okay now. Now I need to finish things off with this particular fellow, as I can see how counterproductive this whole thing is to my recovery. I’m still worried about receiving possible judgment, but I’m gonna share what happened in Friday’s meeting. Not gonna mention any names or whatever, just acknowledge my own part. If I don’t, I’m not going to be able to show my face there again. I just need to hold myself accountable and take responsibility for my own actions and most of all… stay focused on my recovery.
Man, I don’t know how I could ever think sober life would be boring.
Day 7 today ! Thank God this Sunday is totally different to last Sunday when I was using ! Im having a lovely family day today and cooking a roast dinner! I love clean life so much but lately I keep screwing up ! Wtf is wrong with me ! My partner is also in recovery and it’s great to have support we was talking last night and I mentioned how bad my cravings are it was so good to let it out and before i knew it my cravings was gone … happy Sunday every one of you x
Checking in on day 2. It’s early in my journey but I am proud to be past day one. I am just going to take this one day at a time. Have a get together with the boyfriend’s family for fathers day today. They are big drinkers so today I am going to work on saying no to drinks being offered and bring my own beverages to help.
Day 7 for me and feeling good. Celebrated father’s day with my hubby and my father this morning now getting ready to go to my in-laws to celebrate the other father in our lives. Happy Father’s Day to all you TS dad’s
You should share. He should not have done any of that, he should know better. Im glad you’re still okay. Protect your sobriety AT ALL COST. Everything will be okay, nobody should pass any judgment on you.
Good for you!!! Baby steps always work really well for me. If 20 minutes is too much, start with 5 or 10 and build up. Another option is guided meditations. YouTube has lots and I listen to a guided sleep meditation many nights at bedtime to help me unwind.
Here is a link to some in case you want to try some out…enjoy!!! (Hopefully!!)…
At the meeting I felt a bit awkward as he had told another fellow - who joined the meeting as well - he was meeting me that day and I felt dishonest and hypocritical for not complying with the rules. I went to pick up my 60 day badge, so I just shared a little something about that.
I am glad you are going out. Be gentle with yourself and feelings and know you are in our hearts and thoughts.
