52.63 days. Just plugging along enjoying a quiet day before the work craziness starts back up tomorrow:)
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Good afternoon beautiful people. Wanted to say hi and check in on day 1026. Looking forward to a big book study later this afternoon. Make it an incredible day in sobriety my friends. 
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Started the day off with meditation and an AM prayer that my sponsor gave me. Made a small/manageable To Do list, to take care of some tasks that have been hanging over me. Iām working on my Step 3 homework for awhile and Iāll catch a meeting later today.
I usually want to tackle everything at once, when I sober up. Iām trying to prioritize recovery right now. If I donāt have that foundation, I wonāt have all these other aspects of life to work on anyway.
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Beautiful job!!! Congrats on 90 daysš
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Itās such an easy trap to fall into, but youāre here getting back to it and thatās awesome. Hope you can use it as a learning opportunity, there will be situations that test us and we just have to find different ways of reacting to them!
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There will be challenges ahead but opportunities too - none of us know what the future holds, ever! CV19 has really brought those uncertainties into focus, trust that your 512 days puts you in a strong position to navigate that. Being able to take things one day at a time is a strength that lots of people outside the recovery community will be wrapping their heads around for the first time. Youāve got this! 
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Glad to hear you arenāt going to drink! What are you going to do instead? Sounds like a good time to do something restful and restorative, to get you ready for the week ahead.
Day 33. Definitely in relapse mode. Attack thoughts, suicidal thoughts all last night. Last night I had my first dream in months and it was about relapsingā¦lol. Life seems possible until I reach moments like this. I donāt feel like I can live with an emotional shield so fragile. I can coax myself to a certain extent until something triggers this nonsense. I hope I still have the strength to do check-ins. Time will tell haha.
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Neither do I anymore. Not enough orange or green ones 
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doing backflips and cartwheels over here for you! congrats!
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Stay strong!!! It will pass, just dont give in! Try to make it through today. And then tomorrow just try to make it through tomorrow. It only takes one drink and then its such a slippery slope. I pray you have strength! Youāve got this!!
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I like your positive spin on it, thank you. I wish I didnāt lean towards the negative all the time. I need to get some enthusiasm for life back 
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I color coordinate my Haribo Gummi bears. And I donāt eat the orange ones 
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Check out for today. Still here, still sober, still afraid of going to sleep.
Couldnāt focus on the camping trip, it got canceled because of the weather thatās coming. So Iāve got the idea of camping under the dining room table instead.
So now Iām supposed to sleep outside the ātentā on the sofa to āwatch out for bearsā my boys are sleeping under the table by the fake campfire.
Tomorrow weāre going to a nearby city to hopefully play in a hug playground and do some shopping. If the weather is better than predicted weāre going to make camping food outdoors with Sāmores tomorrow night.
Goodnight yāall 
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Itās much easier to put a positive spin on other peopleās problems! Which is weird because we basically all go through the same stuff. Thereās something about ego in that Iām sure.
A technique I learned in CBT to help deal with some of my negative thinking patterns, is to try an alternative narrative. One of my issues is putting pressure on myself, so if I fall into negative thinking traps and setting myself up to fail (e.g. āI have/ need toā¦ā or āI should beā¦ā) then I try and rephrase it, something like āI want toā¦ā or āWhen I get to this it will be good becauseā¦ā - it applies to feelings as well as tasks. Itās a similar practice to gratitude lists I suppose. Writing it down helps.
How else could you look at this, so you are not putting yourself down about the way you are feeling?
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Use all your strength for check ins, whether itās here or in another safe sober place Steak. Relapsing will get you nowhere. Itās al lies the addictied part of your brain is telling you. Fight for your sobriety. Donāt believe the hype in your head. Stay with us. Make it through this moment and life will seem possible again. I know, Iām there and been worse a couple of days ago. Iām dreading tomorrow. Again. Iāll face it sober and clean though. Using is just no alternative. Using is death. Simple as that. For me anyway. Keep going friend.
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The dream doesnāt have to turn into a reality!
Have you seen this thread?
There is lots there to get through, why not try making a dent in that and see if it helps?
I donāt know where in the world you are, I have a feeling UK (?) - if so Samaritans are there 24 hours a day to listen. Please call them if you need to. 116 123.
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Stay strong @Steak. Do something to get your mind off those thoughts. Read, take a walk or play a game. Anything other than sitting and thinking about it. Weāre all here for you. You can do it. Remember, theyāre only thoughts and you donāt need to act on them.
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Cāmon Steak, youāre doing really good! Itās a battle with your mind/body and cravings. Itās just not worth it hun!! Push past this. Weāre here all night if you need to stay hereā¦
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