It’s hard to admit the problem I have. I sneak to the liquor store and buy 3-4 shooters, drink them on the way home from work, and then spend the evening with my wife and kids. They are my everything. I’m not sure what drives me to drink as my family is so beautiful and loving, I have a great job, great friends, and am overall a pretty healthy individual. I think I have always had an addictive personality whether the addiction is a good one (exercise) or bad (drinking). I have come on this forum many times, posted few, and relapsed many. It is 2:30am right now and I can’t sleep thinking about my excitement on how tomorrow will be another day 1. I want this time to be different. Correction, I need this time to be different. Dig down deep and do this for my family. I appreciate any support given on this forum. I am amazed I found a truly active community to go on this adventure with.
Thank you so much for your kind words and support 
Day 624. Still struggling with the depression but I’m starting to have better moments, though it’s weird, actually. Like a low key tug of war.
Just barely getting out of bed, after a fight
Nailing morning routine like a dream and heading out to work
Walking away from my bus at the exchange, not contacting anyone at the farm to explain my absence, “fuck it”
doing errands on the way back and eating a proper lunch, which has not been happening recently in general
letting my day get sucked into a black hole and continuing to procrastinate responding to messages because I don’t have energy or know what to say
went for a walk, tidied room after having neglected it for weeks, started reorganizing it as well, continuing late into the evening.
So maybe I’m getting back on my feet? Hope so.
@runner What matters is that you’re willing to keep trying. You can make this happen. Put that addictive personality to good use and get addicted to being sober.
@ifs I’m glad that while you’re still struggling with your depression that you’re finding a way through it, no matter how slowly. Hang in there. One day at a time.
I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober day 59
Those words has become like a daily mantra to me.
No nightmares tonight, but to be fair I didn’t sleep much either so that might be the reason.
It’s morning here, we just had a friend come by to tell us that he might have the Coronavirus. He is going for a test in an hour. But because I’m in one of the risk groups he wanted to come by have a coffee and tell us that he might have it.
People are stupid sometimes and this is how it goes when there’s no solid restrictions or recommendations whatsoever. Yeah I’m in Sweden, y’all have been reading about us in the news.
Besides that I’m planning to leave my phone at home today when we either are going to the beach (I call that place Redneck Beach, it’s actually a gravel pit with huge sand piles you can slide down in the water from, if you put some trashbags on them) or to a farmers playground with a barn by a pond with planted fish. In the ever we’re going to have a bbq with S’mores. Yep I’m a countrygirl 
Wishing all of y’all an amazing day 
Glad to hear you didn’t have any nightmares last night, though sorry to hear you didn’t sleep much. I hope you have fun today while you’re out. You deserve it.
Thank you 
I’m sure the nightmares are fading soon at that the sleep will improve.
I wish you a wonderful day too.
You have a good day Sophia. I like your mantra. I don’t like your friend. Smart guy indeed. Enjoy your phoneless day country girl. Sounds like you’ll have a good one. 
Thank you
The same to you,I hope everything turns out to the best for you today.
Day 932
My skin decided that it’s time to go glutenfree again. I have a skin condition on my upper arms that makes a lot of tiny pimples and feels like I have goose bumps all the time. When beeing glutenfree my skin becomes smooth. I already go milk free since weeks and my face became way better. I also changed my dermatologist and she is bomb 
Remember I thought for many years that I have rosacea? It’s acne on a very sensitive pale skin! I lived like a damn vampire and avoided the sun like it was the plague
Having coffee now and then up for a walk to get healthy macros 
Have a safe sober day friends 
Excuse me what??? How can someone be so stupid? Holy cow 
Oh no, kidney stones are 
and hurt.
Yes, our corona rules in hospitals are very strict.
I hope he recovers soon
Hugs!
@Fargesia_murielae wow! Great numbers! 
Waking up on day 4. Not feeling as horrible as I thought I would. I had a restless night with my little one 🤦:sleeping: ended up sleeping on the floor with her, she’s special needs so sometimes things that seem odd and/or uncomfortable actually comfort her 🤷 My daughters are my world and 2 of the biggest reasons I want to be sober. I’m tired but I feel pretty good. I usually deal with everything better sober which makes no sense because I take pills to be better and “deal” with things. The addict brain makes no sense, it’s a crazy place. Reading everyone’s posts on here, the triumphs and the struggles, give me hope and strength that sober life is possible and worth it. Have a Terrific sober Tuesday TS people 
Day 25 check in 
Day 9, things been going good, a little down not sure why, but no urges to drink so that’s good, group therapy tonight should help, had equine therapy last nights to help with PTSD, that was pretty cool and looking forward to going back next week.
Woop woop, congrats on 6 months
I’ve done a complete 360 in my life and I’m proud of who I’m becoming, flaws and all. I wish everyone better days!
- I went to attend a meeting last night, thought it was at 8 and apparently they moved them to 7…so I got to sit through the last 5 minutes, but a nice gentleman came right up to me at the end and talked to me and gave me his number. It made me feel pretty good.
Then a guy I have seen lifting where I work has recently started asking me to lift with him, he’s been doing it for about 30 years and sees alot of potential in me. We had a good lift session.
And then I’m pretty sure my cat tried to get rid of me last night, I woke up around 230 for a lil snacky snack and I’m going down there stairs pitch black and boom I feel a slippery cat and next thing you know I crash hard as hell onto my back and slide down the stairs. The damn cat had the audacity to meow at me as I’m laying there. I actually kept my cool about it and didn’t get hurt.
Going to have the next 3 days off so I’ll be attending a 730 a.m meeting tomorrow and continue to rock this sobriety… have a awesome tuesday everyone
@Desire2ChangeToday congratulations!
@anon60334405 sounds like you’re having some good things come your way. I bet your cat didn’t want you to get too cocky and so had to knock you down a peg. Literally 
for real tho, glad you survived your cat attack.
@purr congratulations! You are awesome, and you definitely will just have to accept that.
