Checking in daily to maintain focus #15

[Sabrina80]

You did it!!! Congratulations

[C_8]

Congratulations!!!

[Flamestar]

Fell off the wagon and got lost.
Here I am. Day 1.

[crystalclear]

Welcome back.

[crystalclear]

Congrats on a year! That’s awesome!!

[Mno]

Was thinking of you Maartje. Glad to see you. Vallen en opstaan. Onward and upward.

[anon79808082]

Glad you’re here lady!
Missed you! Hugs…

[Chiron]

Day 5
Thank you @Mno, @Girlinterrupted, @anon79808082, @SassyRocks, and @Pink31 for your kind words about my cat (also @Pink31 good luck with the kittens! It can be crazy, but most cats get through it alright and then you have adorable kittens at the end!).

I’m currently at the regular vet I see as an emergency walk in. When I woke this morning she was doing worse. She was still crying and upset, and I noticed that her water and kibble were basically untouched. When I put out her wet food, she locked up what little liquid there was and refused to touch the rest, even after I mixed it with water and mushed it up into a watery mess. I just hope she consumed enough to get her normal medication in.

I also noticed that there was nothing new in her litter box so I boxed her up and rushed over to the vet office, where I’ve been for the last two hours. At least this time I don’t have to wait on the car, so looking for the positives. They are going to do some xrays.

I honestly just want to go home and say fuck it to my sobriety goals. This is just one more thing on top of a lot of other things, and I don’t feel strong right now. Maybe I would feel stronger if I was further away from my relapse, but that’s not where I’m at.

My birthday is in two days and I don’t feel like being social or celebrating. I feel like closing myself off and just getting messed up on something. I’m not saying I will, just that it’s what’s on my mind. I don’t like admitting those things ‘out loud’, but I’m working on not handling these types of things on my own, so there it is. That’s how I feel. I need my cat to be okay, because if it’s something serious… I don’t know.

[anon79808082]

I’m right there with you, I know how it feels; it happened to me and I’m sending hugs and a virtual friend sitting by your side. Try your best hun to be strong…

[Chiron]

Thank you. I really appreciate it.

[anon79808082]

At least you got good numbers for @C_8!

[Mno]

One thing at a time friend. You’re there with and for your kitty. You’re there. We’re with you. You’re not alone. Hugs.

[Chiron]

Thank you. You’re right. I know it. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with more than one thing.

[C_8]

I know, right @anon79808082 !!! I was super excited, then I read the words @Flamestar posted, and I didn’t know what to do …

[anon79808082]

Omg Cate, I’m dying laughing rn at work!!!
You’re hilarious!!

[Flamestar]

Thanks hun, it’s good to be back. Just saw your comment in You are missed #2
Not sure where I went wrong. I just know that when the decision was made, there was no turning back. No reaching out, I just went for it. Still trying to figure this thing out, but I’ll have to do that as I go. 95 days, it’s a shame but that time hasn’t been wasted. I think (hope) I got a lot of awareness out of this relapse, maybe it was sort of meant to happen as it was very clear to me while I was smoking, how good it actually felt being clean for that whole period of time.

Thanks @Mno, I don’t even know what to say. Feels a bit weird/awkward… don’t know which word I’m looking for but it is what it is, I guess. Trying not to overanalyze things and also just trying to move on.

Thanks for your support @RyanSA @crystalclear @Fargesia_murielae

[Flamestar]

So @C_8, what’s the thing with you and four(s)?

[SassyRocks]

Well that sucks and I am deeply sorry.

I do hope your beloved kitty will be okay. She surely has a beautiful life with you. She is very blessed, as are you for her love and companionship as well.

We love so deeply, and we feel pain and grief deeply as well. We do not need to hide from our feelings in alcohol or using, for our tribute to that love we share is feeling our feelings.

I am thinking of you and you kitty and sending strength and hugs. You do not need to worry or think about your birthday right now. I hope you and kitty have some cuddle time together and that she and you feel better.

[anon79808082]

It’s not necessarily the 4s, it’s numbers in order or all the same, etc. We like to keep her happy,

[Flamestar]

Lol. OCD much? I’ll try to keep that in mind for future reference @C_8