Checking in at 81.48 days. I’ve been isolating trying to figure out how to deal with the death of an extremely dear friend. The pain is almost to much to bear and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m just in shock and disbelief. I can’t imagine my life without him in it. My heart is absolutely broken. I’m working with my therapist. I have a very difficult time comprehending, let alone accepting death. All I know is that he truly was an angel on earth. I guess he served his purpose, but none of us were ready for this. I don’t have to words to express how wonderful he was.
He died of Covid. When he was taking his last breaths, I deleted all social media and put my phone on do not disturb for a full day so I could pretend he was still alive. I had to. My phone was blowing the eff up and I just could t handle it. I have gradually spoken to folks from our inner circle, but that’s about it. I think I’ll have social media deleted for at least a few months. I just can’t handle it. I have some great videos of him so I can hear his precious voice whenever I need too. I’ve been having nightmares and sleeping like garbage. It just seems so unfair.
I don’t know what to say. This hurts so bad and I don’t know how to make it better. My initial reaction was to drink, but that passed very quickly. I know time heals all. I wish I could press fast forward right now.
I am so sorry you are going through that. That is really tough. You are doing the right thing by staying sober and working with your therapist. I did the same thing when someone dear to me passed away. I literally pretended they were still there and distracted myself like crazy. Its probably not the best coping mechanism but the pain of losing someone we love is so strong and it never goes away, although time does heal so much. I hope you can find some peace. I am keeping you in my thoughts. Sending you sooo much love!!
So sorry for you loss. It’s never easy and there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make things any better. I am so so sorry. I lost 3 people within 6 weeks at the beginning of the year, each one was an extremely close person in my life. It never gets easier no matter how many times we are faced with it. It sounds like you are doing what you need to help (getting rid of social media). Take all the time you need to grieve, there’s no timeline. Stay strong
I don’t really know what to say either. I’m so sorry. You need time to mourn and to process and to heal for as much as that is possible. Glad you only felt the urge to drink over this for a little bit. That would be the opposite of helpful in this awful situation. Hugs.
Just a quick second update. So I called all the courts and dmv that I owe money for my license. My total that I owe is 2500, so tomorrow I’m going to pay them all up. Then I have to have 6 months of evaluation paper which luckily I have because I’m almost 7 months sober, and have been with my counselor the whole time. I’ll have to fill out the form, and send it in to the Albany DMV which they are 4 months behind. They can still deny me my license, but the fact I’ll be all caught up and paid is a relief all it self. But my higher power lead me to the north star right from the beginning, sent me that money right at the perfect time. Everything is falling into place man
Day 296. Our 4th day camping, just me and the young one for the most part and we’ve been having fun. Soccer, Baseball, football, swimming, fishing, biking … all the stuff i wouldn’t have done when i was a slave to alcohol. It’s a beautiful day outside… Pushed hernia surgery off but have to see a orthopedic specialist for my shoulder and get a lesion shaved off my chest for biopsy. Small potatoes compared to what most are going through. Stay strong my sober tribe.
Don’t sell yourself short. No matter if we have years or days of sobriety we all are fighting for the same prize and that’s just one more day sober. The beginning days are rough but i promise you they get much easier.
When we focus on doing the next right thing good things happen. We right the wrongs that we can so that we are free of them. You’re doing fucking amazing man, be damn proud of yourself.
Also, love that he has his little Olaf with him. My son got a really nice stuffed bear when he was about 4 and I have it still; I cant go to sleep without it…
My son’s 32 now, I do wash the bear often, lol
You are doing the right thing by staying sober and working with your therapist. I did the same thing when someone dear to me passed away. I literally pretended they were still there and distracted myself like crazy. Its probably not the best coping mechanism but the pain of losing someone we love is so strong and it never goes away, although time does heal so much. I hope you can find some peace. I am keeping you in my thoughts. Sending you sooo much love!!
